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  1. #1
    cmo is offline Gold level (500+ posts)
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    Default How to help guide DD in choosing her swimsuit & clothes

    My words are failing me as of late, so maybe y'all can help! DD, age 13, has been picking out most of her own clothes for a couple years now. We mostly order online, and have gotten a bunch of hand-me-downs from a family friend that she has been happy with. But, this year, she wants to branch out and we are butting heads on what is and is not appropriate. The latest battle is swimsuits. She wants bikinis, which are not an automatic no in my book, but some of what is popular this year is strappy, peek-a-boo, lots of strings, and (IMO) looks a lot like skimpy lingerie. She, of course, doesn't see anything wrong with it, while I struggle to gently explain to her that some of her choices just aren't appropriate at her age. She is not prepared for the attention that wearing it would attract. I'm having a hard time coming up with how to balance the want for what is trendy and popular with a need for a level of modesty. (To be clear, I am not trying to restrict her to full cut/athletic/mom styles.)

    How do I word this? Maybe I should back off? Any advice is much appreciated!

  2. #2
    erosenst is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Fully in the "for what it's worth" category...bikinis weren't allowed here til DD was 11. While I don't always care what everyone else is doing/wearing I do use it as a guide. Between that the fact that the tankinis looked either too young or too matronly, I gave in. Rules were a top strap, bandeau style (no triangles), had to hook not tie in back, and fabric all around the bottom (no ties or strings).


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  3. #3
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    Swimwear is tough because it truly is difficult to find suits that don't look babyish/matronly that aren't bikinis for younger teens. My DD is also 13 and we have many of the same challenges. She complains that everyone else gets to wear bikinis and she's right - you're hard pressed to find a girl her age NOT wearing a bikini at the pool/beach. We have had luck focusing on sportier brands and surfer brands like Roxy. They make bikinis that are made to actually swim in.
    Green Tea, mom to three

  4. #4
    erosenst is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default How to help guide DD in choosing her swimsuit & clothes

    Ugggh posted before I was done - continuing here.

    This year the styles have changed even more - hard to find anything that fits the rules so we've bent a little. There's still a "mom's best judgment" clause. We are pretty open about "that's too old for you" offset by "if everyone else is wearing it maybe I'm making too big of a deal ". Tie back instead of hook - allowed. String sides in model called "cheeky" that too much tush showed? Not allowed.

    I get the "not able to handle attention". While DD is 12, she's a full B cup and can pass for 15. Its a fine line but I'm trying to bend toward "if she's appropriately covered, it's on others to behave correctly."

    We were on a cruise for spring break and then a waterpark at Disney. Other than when she rode a gondola with two late teen boys (?) there was no attention - and even the boys were just talking to her/maybe lightly flirting, not being at all inappropriate, from what was reported. (I was on gondola behind her.)


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  5. #5
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Default How to help guide DD in choosing her swimsuit & clothes

    There are tons of bikinis at Macy's (and Athleta, Title Nine...) that have more of a crop top so just the midriff is exposed. I saw more of those this year than the full tankini I was looking for. Could be a compromise.


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  6. #6
    mmsmom is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    So tough because you do want her to be comfortable with her body and not feel like she has to hide it but I understand appropriateness is important too and varies among families. I would focus on needing to have a suit that covers her well so she will not have to constantly be adjusting it or worry about it coming down when she jumps in the water.

  7. #7
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    My DD is 12, and, while still pretty small, her body is definitely changing. She's got long, long legs (needs a size 1 in juniors for the length), a small booty, and a tiny waist (could still fit a size 8 in kids if it was just based on waist size). She's a 32A up top, so still fairly small there, but that's went from flat to an A-cup in a mere few months. She's at that awkward stage where she's oblivious about her body/looks, but I know boys are going to be noticing her before long at all.

    Sometime in the last few months, we've started having conversations about lust, and how we need to try to be appropriately dressed as to help others avoid lustful thoughts. We described lust as "a feeling people get that they really want to see you naked and think about sex, but not sex because they love you or want to have a baby with you," which seemed to make some sense to her. We also point out when boys are dressed immodestly, and why they might be doing that, and how difficult dressing immodestly makes life. It's hard to go down a water slide or doing the rope swing at the pool, or water ski, or do the "blob" (a flying air mattress thing at church camp) if you are worried about your top flying off.... I've pointed out that when I was her age, I wore a bikini and flashed people (completely, embarrassingly, on accident), because I wasn't covered well. She's horrified at the idea that someone might see her boobs (on accident or on purpose, LOL), so it's that's a great motivator for her to choose a little additional coverage!
    --Mimi
    Mom to Lala (2004), Bonus Mom to Big Sis 1 (1991) and Big Sis 2 (1992)
    Grammy to Big Kindy Kid (2011), Big Pre-K Kid (2012),
    Grandbaby Appendage (2014), and New Baby Grandboy (summer 2017)

  8. #8
    mom2binsd is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    We live in a nice middle class town and at the pool just about every girl is wearing a bikini, my DD who is just about 13 is wearing a junior size 3/5, she has a figure and I make sure the bikini covers but it's hard to find something that's not "skimpy", she will not wear a tankini, and I haven't seen any tankini's on anybody else. She is on swim team and wears a real swimsuit for practice and meets but all of her friends also have bikini's.

    I pity the boy who makes a remark to her if one were to....she'd probably drill him lol!

    Whether its a bikini or a sporty style, if a boy wants to "lust" after a girl in a swimsuit they will.

    I make sure hers don't ride up and stay securely in place.

  9. #9
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    KpbS is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I'm not a fan of bikinis for young girls at all. They interfere with actual swimming and expose extra skin for sunburn/skin damage. I would try for a cute tankini that is not "too old" for her--there are tons out there. This is cute and fun

    http://m.athleta.gap.com/product.htm...&pid=228134002

    Another http://m.target.com/p/women-s-halter...o/-/A-21562803

    http://m.target.com/p/women-s-halter...o/-/A-21563570
    Last edited by KpbS; 05-25-2016 at 01:34 AM.
    K

  10. #10
    Neatfreak is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    We're a rashguard-wearing family, and my almost 12YO DD easily chose one again for this summer. I'm not sure if next summer will be a different story, but my child really hates sunscreen, so the less she has to re-apply, the happier she is. I'm gonna keep pushing that angle while I can because skin cancer is scary stuff.
    ~ Laura



    One in 2004 and the other one in 2008

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