Rules for texting?

[toby]

Well, I don't agree with your DS that text messages are equivalent to a diary. A diary contains a person's private thoughts and the things he chooses to record for his own reflection. I think of a diary as a place someone records things he doesn't want to share with anyone. And I respect that and would not read my child's diary unless I thought she was in crisis or some other extraordinary situation.

Texting is the opposite. Text messages are communications to and from the outside world, and can include links, photos, etc. I want to read my DD's texts as much to see what she's receiving as what she's sending, if not more so. In our house, it's very simple. If you want the privilege of communicating with your friends that way using a device and/or carrier I pay for, you accept that the terms of use include my monitoring your texts.

Well said...

[Meatball Mommie]

Well, I don't agree with your DS that text messages are equivalent to a diary. A diary contains a person's private thoughts and the things he chooses to record for his own reflection. I think of a diary as a place someone records things he doesn't want to share with anyone. And I respect that and would not read my child's diary unless I thought she was in crisis or some other extraordinary situation.

Texting is the opposite. Text messages are communications to and from the outside world, and can include links, photos, etc. I want to read my DD's texts as much to see what she's receiving as what she's sending, if not more so. In our house, it's very simple. If you want the privilege of communicating with your friends that way using a device and/or carrier I pay for, you accept that the terms of use include my monitoring your texts.

I agree with this and this is exactly what we tell our DS1 (12 yrs old - 7th grade). Now, with that said, do I read all of his text conversations? No, not really. Just from time to time and just really between certain friends (hockey team group texts are a good example because I don't really know all those kids). He knows that I could read his messages at any time and he's ok with that (well, he has to be if he wants his phone!)

We have a few ground rules: (1) no texting after bedtime (2) no bad language

We did have a discussion recently about continuing an argument over text. He and a friend haven't been getting along great and had a tiff at the end of a school day. They ended up continuing the argument via text and both said things that they regret. I agree with a pp that this is the teaching time - we had a great conversation about social media and texting and how all that stuff is so permanent and you might say things via text that you wouldn't in person. Definitely a learning experience

I don't monitor his contact list and he exchanges numbers with kids at school and at hockey. He just started using snapchat which I'm not happy about, but so far he only has me, his younger brother, his cousin (same age/same school) and one friend. I plan to monitor it closely but he's only using the silly templates they have.

[Minnifer]

Also not to hijack, but "spot monitoring" doesn't help if they've deleted texts, right? I am thinking ahead but I'd be nervous about mean stuff going on (in either direction) and then being deleted.

Also, I originally thought I'd be able to have real time "live" access to texts but then read that if the kid has their own Apple ID so they can be on your family account, that's not an option...hoping I either got that wrong or that the technology improves...

[jren]

Also not to hijack, but "spot monitoring" doesn't help if they've deleted texts, right? I am thinking ahead but I'd be nervous about mean stuff going on (in either direction) and then being deleted.

Also, I originally thought I'd be able to have real time "live" access to texts but then read that if the kid has their own Apple ID so they can be on your family account, that's not an option...hoping I either got that wrong or that the technology improves...

At this age, DD isn't devious enough to delete texts. She just doesn't think that way.. Yet. I'm sure it will come, which is why I want to use texting now as a teaching opportunity. While she's still listening versus how she'll be a few years from now. But every kid is different! And different rules would need to apply then.


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[Meatball Mommie]

Also not to hijack, but "spot monitoring" doesn't help if they've deleted texts, right? I am thinking ahead but I'd be nervous about mean stuff going on (in either direction) and then being deleted.

Also, I originally thought I'd be able to have real time "live" access to texts but then read that if the kid has their own Apple ID so they can be on your family account, that's not an option...hoping I either got that wrong or that the technology improves...

Well, we've run into this issue as well. DS deleted his recent argument with his friend before we could read it. There are ways to recover the texts and that's what we told him. Of course, that doesn't help if you don't know your child is deleting stuff. Our son told us what he did, but I imagine in the future, he won't I still need to look into text monitoring closer but haven't had a chance.

[lalasmama]

At this age, DD isn't devious enough to delete texts. She just doesn't think that way.. Yet. I'm sure it will come, which is why I want to use texting now as a teaching opportunity. While she's still listening versus how she'll be a few years from now. But every kid is different! And different rules would need to apply then.


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That's where we're at right now... She's not saavy enough to think to delete, but will lie about who's she's talking with, which has added some challenges.