My 87 year old MIL suffered second stroke almost 3 weeks ago one night late, she luckily managed to alert my FIL who was upstairs sleeping and got help to her quickly via 911. She was just discharged to her home yesterday from the inpatient rehab center for past 10 days with prior days in a hospital.

we all wanted FIL to bring down the twin bed they had in a guest room upstairs for MIL as her entire right side is compromised now from the stroke. In addition to that, she lost vision in her right eye, likely to be permanent too. FIL veto the twin bed in den idea, as kept saying he'll bring her up to bed when he goes. That is fine for the first few days/a week when MIL is still likely very tired but not very feasible in long run, as she is very much a night owl while FIL is very much early to bed, rise with birds type.

That was just issue #1. second issue is emergency alert type of communication. FIL is VERY resistant to our suggestions of getting MIL life alert as she is a fall risk, still at risk of recurrant stroke, among other factors. MIL had a iPhone prior to her stroke, but can't see digits or letters to dial/type out texts, so that isn't working very well for her. BIL got her a audio/large print phone for her to arrive at their house within few days, so that is solved with the aspect of keeping in touch with outside world.

it is the other issues like issue #2 for life alert (as he cannot be with her.all.the.time) like he is saying, it just isn't realistic. Food shopping is another concern, i suggested i could order their groceries online and all FIL has to do is go to store to get them loaded into his car. FIL isn't having any of it, kept saying he will bring MIL with her, leave her in car while he goes in to get the groceries, etc.

last issue and it is a big one for us where FIL is concered. MIL is set up with 3x a week outpatient OT/SP therapies. FIL has to drive her nearby to the rehab center, obviously since MIL wont be able to drive ever again. Last time MIL suffered her stroke (first one) 3 years ago, the outlook was much better as she only lost little movement which she regained after several months. FIL was supposed to have brought her to outpatient appoitments 2x weekly for 3 months, but stopped after 2 weeks because HE felt he knows how to do it after watching therapist and took over himself. I am afraid he'll do the same this time, as he generally doesn't like interruptions to his life/or whenever he feels is a waste of time, he won't do it.

long winded way to ask how to deal with a caretaker like that??? BIL/SIL, DH & i are all chipping in as much physical help as we can. but hard with ourselves still 2 small kids at home, and BIL with 5 kids of his own going to all different directions. DH is still working, but BIL/SIL is off till Mid/end of August to return back to work. The fall will become much harder for us all to check in on FIL/MIL to make sure he is doing what he is supposed to, and checking MIL is ok mentally and emotionally.

Any other resources we can take advantage to help FIL with the burden? as i don't think it has really hit him yet that this is part of new life, and not something he'll do for few weeks before resuming normal life prior this stroke.