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  1. #1
    gatorsmom is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default Do you know anyone who has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD as an adult?

    So I'm pretty certain Dh has add or ADHD. The similarities between him and my ds3 who has it are striking. I'm also fairly certain that his highly defensive attitude is a result of his father's short temper and inability to calmly deal with dh's impulsiveness as a child. Dh has learned to use his ADD brilliantly- he is the most effective multitasker I have ever seen. He is fascinating to watch. As a result he has been wildly successful at sales and business building. He's also very good with numbers and very observant. I think I've posted here how he sold his 7 year old business to a major manufacturing company for millions. He has learned to use his add in very impressive ways. HOWEVER, he is also very, very defensive and does not communicate well. He takes any little critique as a personal attack and attacks back in a sarcastic aggressive way. He also never apologizes. It takes days before he will admit he hurt my feelings even when I outright say, "you owe me an apology." He will let the hurt simmer for days before he apologizes. He has very few friends. Any man he meets he immediately puts down either directly through "just kidding" or to me privately. His friends are his employees and people who he doesn't feel threatened by. It's pretty sad, really. When he is calm and content with how his business dealings are going he is fine to live with. But when things aren't going well, I'm (and I imagine his employees) walking on egg shells.

    Lately things aren't going so well. I won't get into what's going on because it can't be changed for another 3 years. I'm wondering, though, if adults diagnosed with add who start medication, can be successful? If the medication does calm him down, will it also affect his business acuity? Will he lose his ability to multitasks? He's learned to cope successfully with his add except in his social life. I'm wondering what we could expect.

    thiughts?
    "It is not 'progressive' to try to resolve problems by eliminating a human life." Pope Francis

  2. #2
    gatorsmom is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    UGH! Mods can you move my post? I meant to start this thread in the Lounge! I don't know how i ended up here.
    "It is not 'progressive' to try to resolve problems by eliminating a human life." Pope Francis

  3. #3
    Cam&Clay is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    DH was diagnosed last year when DS2 was diagnosed. He filled out the paperwork and came to me and said, "I think this is ME." He was right. He now takes Adderall and it helps him focus at work and with his grad school work.

    He's always had a short temper and that's not really any better now. He's always been quick to apologize and admit when he's wrong. He's a super friendly guy, though. I'd say the meds have helped him in that he doesn't try to multitask too much. He meets deadlines better and is less stressed. He is definitely glad he went to the doctor about it. His mother feels terrible because she should've noticed. I knew him in high school and the man couldn't turn anything in on time ever.
    DS1 age 21 years
    DS2 age 11 years

  4. #4
    gatorsmom is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Thank you, Susan. Does your Dh feel better on the meds? Does he prefer the way he feels on them versus not on them? That's going to make a difference why her he decides to stay on them.
    "It is not 'progressive' to try to resolve problems by eliminating a human life." Pope Francis

  5. #5
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    DH didn't get his official diagnosis until college. They gave him some coping strategies that really helped and he finds that several caffeinated drinks over the course of the day help him focus, similar to the stimulant effects of medications like Ritalin in kids.

    My childhood BFF also just got diagnosed with ADD (though it's the more-common-in-women/girls "inattentive type") and she's found that just getting the diagnosis has helped tremendously with her ability to cope with the way her wiring does what it does. For her, the primary symptom (in addition to poor executive function) was depression and/or anxiety. She needs medication to function at the moment, but that's better than not knowing what's going on!

    If there's any way your DH could get diagnosed and some strategies, I think it will be helpful. Good luck pitching it!
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  6. #6
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    I think he should definitely go for an assessment. Then he can decide about meds. It sounds like he could really use some therapy too--can't we all. Would he be willing to get an assessment?

    I have known several adults with ADHD. On their meds, they are great. Off their meds and their spouses are ready for a divorce. I know someone who is a brilliant event planner--that woman multitasks at a head spinning rate. The meds help her come back to "close the loop" on all of her tasks. She has tons and tons of friends. One of my co-worker's husbands has it and he is the nicest guy in the world. (unless you have to live with him when he starts buying and selling their furniture on Craigs List because he wanted something different!) He has lots of friends. So I don't think the no friends part is due to your DH's ADHD--that's due to him being threatened by other people. And counseling is what is needed there.

    As far as how he feels on the meds. He may not stay on them. But he can certainly try them--they run through your system in 8-24 hours depending on the med. It's quick to get off them if he feels bad!
    Mom to:
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  7. #7
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    Lisa, my DH sounds similar to yours.
    I wouldn't be surprised if he has ADD or more likely ADHD but I don't think he'll ever get evaluated.
    I think the key is getting him to listen to the issues and recognize them. Since your DH is very defensive that is a challenge.
    I removed personal details from this post and will pm you instead.
    Last edited by ShanaMama; 08-10-2016 at 06:14 PM. Reason: Personal info

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShanaMama View Post
    Please don't quote me- I will come back and remove details tonight.
    It is against board rules to post with the intention of deleting the post later. You should PM any details you find too personal to share.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  9. #9
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    Ok, thanks. I shared some personal info in that post that I'm not comfortable leaving out there in the ether. I wasn't aware that it's against board rules.
    Last edited by ShanaMama; 08-10-2016 at 06:15 PM.

  10. #10
    Cam&Clay is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by gatorsmom View Post
    Thank you, Susan. Does your Dh feel better on the meds? Does he prefer the way he feels on them versus not on them? That's going to make a difference why her he decides to stay on them.
    He does. I think he went through a few different ones before settling on Adderall. He even pushed for a "booster" dose for when he is meeting deadlines. I don't see any real difference in his personality but he feels better about himself because he's getting things done. He says his mind doesn't feel like it's going all over the place anymore. He jokes about feeling like the dog in Up! before meds. Squirrel!
    DS1 age 21 years
    DS2 age 11 years

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