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  1. #1
    JustMe is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default Not sure what to title: moms and tween/teen friendships?

    I find myself being confused on multiple occasions on my role with ds' friends. I don't know why this did not come up as much with dd, but it didn't. Most of the time its around when they have their own money. Here is an example
    .
    Ds and his friend are 10. We invite ds' friend along to go the a local pool with us, and pick him up around 1:30. Friend's mom says that friend did not eat lunch, apologizes (I wasn't sure what she was apologizing for), and says he has enough money for pool admission and snacks. No problem. In the car, friend mentions he just had cake for breakfast and laughs. The pool has a concession that sells food and snacks. The boys swim for a while and then friend buys himself and ds ice cream. (Its a very crowded at the pool, and I do my best to track kids but I really can't see them all of the time--everyone who lives here knows that--so I didn't see them buy the ice cream). They swim for a while again. This time I see them on the concession line. Friend buys himself a huge icey thing with ice cream on the bottom.

    Would you have intervened in any of this? What I know about his mom is that she is an involved and caring mom. When the boys first became friends about 2 years ago, she grilled me about safety issues before letting her son come to my house.

    I did not intervene with what the friend bought, my rationale being that his mom didn't ask me to limit him in any way, but I felt really guilty and wondered if I should have said something when I saw them on the concession stand the second time. The issue about him buying ds ice cream is a whole other story in that ds frequently gets his friends to buy him things, but I have more or a sense of how I want to deal with ds than how to deal with his friends..so that is just backstory.
    lucky single mom to 18 yr old dd and 15 yr old ds through 2 very different adoption routes

  2. #2
    hillview's Avatar
    hillview is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Meh I don't know. I might have asked him if his mom would be ok with that but really I'd let it go. Or have said wow that doesn't look like lunch didn't your mom say you needed to eat lunch. I'd ask next time (should she give him money etc) if there are any rules for food (I'd ask in front of her ds).
    DS #1 Summer 05
    DS #2 Summer 07

  3. #3
    KrisM is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    If the mom said the money was for snacks, I'd be fine with it. If she had said lunch instead, I would probably have said something after the first ice cream that maybe he should pick something more lunch-like next. But, I would not worry too much because by 1:30, there should be time for a quick lunch before he leaves with you, so if the mom was super concerned that he eat lunch, that could have happened.
    Kris

  4. #4
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by hillview View Post
    Meh I don't know. I might have asked him if his mom would be ok with that but really I'd let it go. Or have said wow that doesn't look like lunch didn't your mom say you needed to eat lunch. I'd ask next time (should she give him money etc) if there are any rules for food (I'd ask in front of her ds).
    Good way to handle it.


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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    Good way to handle it.


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    I'd agree, I'd probably do something like that too. I definitely find myself being in more of these situations where the kids really aren't self regulating very well. I always wonder how much I should step in. I always think back to when I was a kid and my friends' parents had no problem stepping in, but today is different. So many different parenting styles and I am often concerned (maybe too much so) about that. Some parents even get offended, sheesh....
    Marcy

    DD1 2003
    DD2 2005
    DD3 2009

  6. #6
    jren is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I probably would've walked straight to the concessions as soon as we got to the pool with the idea of him getting something for lunch. Not in a forced way, but just "let's grab you something to eat first since you didn't have lunch yet". I wouldn't have intervened on snack choices after that.


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  7. #7
    Dream is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    I would probably let the mother know so next time she'll make sure the son self regulates himself or she'll ask you to keep an eye on him. We had a similar thing with my daughter this summer and one mother came to me and said she's seen my DD eating lot of candy and she thought she should let me know, which I'm thankful for. And the mother is not really a friend but we've had small talk.
    DD1 September 2008
    DD2 March 2011

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