Long- Club-sport remorse, club parents weigh in please

[Twoboos]

One of DD1's (almost 13) friends was trying out for a club sports team. I told DD she should try out too, at least to go through a try out process with cuts, so she sees how it goes. She went reluctantly. She made the team, friend did not.

She had 48hrs to decide if she wanted to join the team or decline. We talked, she was nervous, but she LOVES this sport. I told her if she wants to be a better player, improve her skills, challenge herself, etc., join the team. If not, just pass. She decided to join. Club runs Sept- July. I paid, she's been to one practice, signed up/paid for 3 tournaments this fall, purchase team-specific gear.

Last night she is sobbing about how she doesn't want to do club-sport, everyone is better than her, she has no friends on the team and only signed up b/c I made her. (I absolutely did make her go to the tryouts, I did NOT tell her she had to join the team. DH said she joined "to please us" and I definitely was persuading her to join, she didn't want to let me down and he basically didn't discuss it with her. I disagree with this, I think I just went over pros and cons. But whatever. ) I've been over, "You'll keep getting better, they thought you were good enough to be on team, you'll make friends, you said you wanted to do this, you made a commitment..." etc. etc..

Now. This is a HUGE commitment for us, both financial and time-wise. Tournaments are far away and expensive, and in the spring will require overnight hotel stays, etc..

She truly loves this sport. I think she has the potential to be really good. She made a commitment and I paid a ton of money already, which will be lost. But I don't want her to be miserable, not play well bc she doesn't want to be there and make the next 10 months like pulling teeth. Dh says we should wait for a couple more practices and the first tournament (this would be about a month total), and if she hates it she can drop out. I realize how bad it is she took a spot which someone else who really wanted it could have had. I am really not sure how I feel about this.

Any club sport parent out there? WDYT/WWYD?

[JBaxter]

We have played club soccer for several years but this year Nathan skipped an age group He was worried about some of the same things. Let her know that the coach understands that it is her first year and in general club coaches are better LOL they are PAID to be better. I'm sure she is just overwhelmed Let her take a deep breath and talk to her coach ( you) She wouldn't have made the team cut if she wasn't good enough. She had potential.

[DietCokeLover]

I would encourage her to stick it out a while longer. Something new is usually difficult at first. Soon, she will make friends and that will be a huge factor in her enjoying it again. She made the team - obviously the coaches see something in her.

[ahisma]

I'd talk to the coach and let him/her know that she's having a rocky adjustment. It happens - good for them to know she could use some encouragement.

Also, did this just come up last night? As the mom of a 17 year old girl, don't put too much stock in a crying jag until it repeats a few times. I can't tell you how many times we've been through this. Hormones are starting to kick in and they are still learning how to deal with the ebbs and flows.

[Kindra178]

It's great having non school friends on a sports team. In fact, the number one suicide prevention tip for teens is to have friends outside your school friends. Of course, that's easier said than done! My kid and friend tried out for a new travel club last year. Same thing, he made it, friend didn't. Ds had a great year. He made new friends and learned a little more about characteristics he likes in friends and others he doesn't. This year he had to play down due to age changes. He's still adjusting to his new team. He definitely doesn't love it, but we are going to keep at it.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

[KpbS]

Dh says we should wait for a couple more practices and the first tournament (this would be about a month total), and if she hates it she can drop out. I realize how bad it is she took a spot which someone else who really wanted it could have had. I am really not sure how I feel about this.
WDYT/WWYD?

I agree with your DH as far as a plan goes. Try to make a deal with her that she will practice/play for Sept., Oct., (at least) and the first two weeks of Nov. That will give her enough time to adjust to the new school year and the newness and rigors of this club team. If my DC truly hated it in Nov., I would allow her to quit. Also I would let her quit earlier if the new team girls were truly mean to her. Not just unfriendly or clueless, but truly mean and seeking to hurt her (feelings/physically/socially).

Also, I think it is totally fine that you "made" her try out for the team. And I can see how she now doesn't want to do it since friend didn't make the team and might think that you "made" her join. That's ok.

[JamiMac]

We've done club sports in the past and will be doing them again this year. My DD played club volleyball in 7th grade and really liked it. She decided last year she didn't want to try out, so we took the year off. I really think it put her behind in her sport. She's now playing for the high school team and the difference in the club players vs. non club players is VERY big. She loves the sport though, and it's something I see her doing all through high school. She'll try out this year for club again. Her club was great about team bonding and it really is a lot of fun for them. I know it's expensive and time consuming though! I'm in Texas though, and it's pretty common here to have kids in club sports.

[ellies mom]

Not sports related, but our district opened a new project based middle school this year that is lottery selection rather than boundary based. It was a good opportunity but it would be a lot of changes. DD1 was adamant that she didn't want to do it. If she saw us researching project based learning, she would burst into tears. But as time went on, she became resigned and by the time it came to apply she was ok with it. She was happy to find out she was accepted and excited after finishing the summer camp "intro". And she loves it, big changes and all. So my long winded point is, give it time. Let her work through her feelings as dramatic as they may seem and see what time brings.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[petesgirl]

How is her friend doing who didn't make the team? Could it be possible that your daughter is feeling guilty/bad about having made the team when her friend didn't?

[BunnyBee]

Could be a fairly normal anxiety response in an-almost teenager. I agree with waiting a bit and talking to the coach. Does she tend to be anxious in other settings?