Oh Hillview, I'm so sorry! I'll be saying some prayers for you and your family.
I have to say, it's very kind of you to go through all this with your mother. And what a blessing it is that she lives with you! When my mom died, my dad said it was so hard living without her alone in his house. He left her purse and keys in the same spot she always left them but he just didn't have the heart to move them. I imagine it's a huge comfort for her to be there with you and her sweet grandkids.
I will say that we had a great funeral director and he was an enormous help wading through all of the funeral and burial details. Essentially we showed up, he asked us a bunch of questions, offered to handle as many of the details as he could himself, right down to paying the priest the stipend for his services. He had the owner of the headstone-carving company waiting at the cemetery for us and the cemetery director was there at the same time to show us which plots they had available. We didn't have to do anything after that but bring some clothes to the funeral home and then show up the night of the wake. He didn't charge any more for this service, since we organized everything through them. But yeah, I think for middle of the road caskets and crypt we paid $12k. Not cheap. And even with him doing all that for us, it was agony and the pain was so fresh.
I really feel for what you are going through right now.
" I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi
"This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.