Anyone compromise on design of house/yard with their spouse and regret it?

[elbenn]

If you have very different visions of how something should look regarding architecture or design, have you compromised or does one of you usually win out? I had a very different design vision for our pool (elegant and beautiful when looking at it from inside our house) and DH wanted fun features (grotto, slide). We tried to compromise, but since we added the fun features, they dominate the aesthetics of the pool. Now that the stonework on the pool is almost complete, I dislike it immensely. I feel like the views from our main picture windows pretty much just look out on stone instead of the beautiful greenery and landscaping that it used to look out on. To be clear, the stonework would all be very attractive to many people, but I prefer greenery to the stone. I also prefer a cleaner, more simplistic stone look instead of the natural boulder look that the pool has. Anyway, I would love to hear some stories from others on how you compromise, or maybe a little commiseration if you've had to compromise on the design you wanted.

[JBaxter]

Pools are supposed to be fun. That's their purpose just looking at them is no fun.

[elbenn]

Pools are supposed to be fun. That's their purpose just looking at them is no fun.

This made me smile because that's exactly what DH says. However, I really would like to think it looks beautiful when I look out at it.

[kellij]

This made me smile because that's exactly what DH says. However, I really would like to think it looks beautiful when I look out at it.

Do you think your kids' and husband's smiles are beautiful? Maybe you can think of that, and how it makes you feel to see them happy and having fun, more than just how pretty it is to you.

[Philly Mom]

I compromise all the time and get nothing I want really. Just easier to manage myself instead of DH's incessant whining. I dislike a lot of our interior design but DH likes it so I deal.


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[elbenn]

Do you think your kids' and husband's smiles are beautiful? Maybe you can think of that, and how it makes you feel to see them happy and having fun, more than just how pretty it is to you.

This is a great point. I've been focusing on how much I dislike the design (which wasn't at all what I wanted--I was very clear about that), but I should focus on how much fun the fun features will be.

[California]

I tend to get more weight in home decisions because we've learned over our marriage that I'm much more of a visual person, and continue to notice light, colors and design for years. After the first month or so, DH doesn't really "see" new things (and he's the first to admit it!) and just wants a comfortable house.

In your marriage, do you think you are more sensitive to aesthetics than your DH? He may not be able to even relate to how you are viewing the pool because he just doesn't think that way at all. If he's really going to be enjoying the pool with your kids a lot, great- it sounds like this is the best fit for your family. But it's okay to try to set it up so that there's something about it you like too. Sometimes what helps me is to create a focal point that I like. For instance, if you are missing the greenery maybe you could add one really beautiful plant or trellis that is the first thing you notice when you look through the picture window. Beyond a plant, another idea might be to create your own special spot out there- a cozy chair and side table that is your peaceful place by the pool. I think if you can add a little touch to the space yourself you'll feel much more connected to the project.

[elbenn]

I tend to get more weight in home decisions because we've learned over our marriage that I'm much more of a visual person, and continue to notice light, colors and design for years. After the first month or so, DH doesn't really "see" new things (and he's the first to admit it!) and just wants a comfortable house.

In your marriage, do you think you are more sensitive to aesthetics than your DH? He may not be able to even relate to how you are viewing the pool because he just doesn't think that way at all. If he's really going to be enjoying the pool with your kids a lot, great- it sounds like this is the best fit for your family. But it's okay to try to set it up so that there's something about it you like too. Sometimes what helps me is to create a focal point that I like. For instance, if you are missing the greenery maybe you could add one really beautiful plant or trellis that is the first thing you notice when you look through the picture window. Beyond a plant, another idea might be to create your own special spot out there- a cozy chair and side table that is your peaceful place by the pool. I think if you can add a little touch to the space yourself you'll feel much more connected to the project.

I am definitely more into the design and because of that, I do often get the design/décor I want. The pool was different because the fun features really do dominate the aesthetics. When you're outside, the pool looks awesome. It just happens that the view of it from our biggest picture windows are the fun features and not the rest of the pool which is much more elegant. We knew that was the case before it was built but because of the way our yard is shaped, it was the only way that it really worked. We are looking at whether we can remove some of the stone without affecting the design too much to make it a little less imposing. I am already planning on planting some taller trees behind the stone to bring more greenery into view.

[niccig]

We tend to compromise, there may be some arguing in the process, but we typically figure it out. We tend to like similar things, but I'm more the practical and DH is the design. We're starting a renovation and I need the kitchen to have certain functions, I don't care so much about how it looks. I'm the cook, so I've already told DH certain things are non-negotiable for me. Other times, DH has wanted something more than I didn't want it, so I compromised on it. It just depends on what it is.

[ShanaMama]

I'm with you, I think if greenery matters to you it's really important. I chose casement windows over double hung because I just love the unbroken view. We compromised on our deck design because DH had a strong preference. I gave in because it was more important to him than to me and I don't spend the majority of time out there. I do feel the ramifications of his decision (the design obstructs my view of beautiful trees) but I don't regret compromising.
I think you should try to add some greenery behind your house so your view is improved. It shouldn't be impossible and I think you will feel much better. So my opinion is honor your feelings and try to accommodate them. If it's not possible I like the idea of focusing on their smiles. But for me that wouldn't do it. I would need something visual.