I'm so heartbroken

[mommy111]

Latia, I am so sorry for what you're going through!!

[Pear]

I think you should talk to your therapist about if changing your division of labor might positively impact your relationship. I was a sahm for many years and only went back to work because a plum position dropped into my lap. I fully support it as the best choice for some families. In the situations you are describing, I wonder if changing your economic power might be good for your you.

[JBaxter]

If I were you I would make sure I had a back up plan. Make sure you have a education that could support yourself in the event he decides to just say the hell with it. From everything you have posted its been a relationship long struggle and there is deep-seated issues. I know you said you were in nursing school years ago I hope you finished and are licensed if not you may want to do so as a plan B. I can see your points on a lot of things but I can also see his point of view.

[TwinFoxes]

If I were you I would make sure I had a back up plan. Make sure you have a education that could support yourself in the event he decides to just say the hell with it. From everything you have posted its been a relationship long struggle and there is deep-seated issues. I know you said you were in nursing school years ago I hope you finished and are licensed if not you may want to do so as a plan B. I can see your points on a lot of things but I can also see his point of view.

I think this is sound advice. At least you live in a community property state. (Not saying your are/should break up, but these issues are serious.)

[Kindra178]

I agree with others about pursuing a full time career. I think you should focus on improving the life you have as opposed to the life you don't and won't have. Your dh seemingly doesn't/didn't want any children, so at this juncture, focus on yourself and your kids. Surely focus on your marriage, but before you fix that, you got to get yourself in a better place. Instead of spending time on pregnancy boards, start researching careers. By focusing on you, everything might get better and your dh might feel less economic pressure.

[schrocat]

If I were you I would make sure I had a back up plan. Make sure you have a education that could support yourself in the event he decides to just say the hell with it. From everything you have posted its been a relationship long struggle and there is deep-seated issues. I know you said you were in nursing school years ago I hope you finished and are licensed if not you may want to do so as a plan B. I can see your points on a lot of things but I can also see his point of view.

I agree. I hope you can work through this but you need a back up plan. I know how you feel about having a baby girl to some degree. I only had a daughter after coming to terms with having only boys but I cried a ton while coming to terms with having only boys.

[MamaKath]

(((Latia))) I read through much of the thread, I am glad that most people are offering support. I was in a very similar situation a long time ago when I was active in the boards here. It was very hard to face the struggles of coping with a miscarriage, differences in our desires for more children, other marital issues, and then a blatant disregard for my desire for him to hold off at a minimum. It was horrific to face alone, and most people at the time couldn't understand that it was completely against my wishes. We are in an incredibly different place in our relationship now, but he knows that it is still painful for me to think about. I am glad you have a counselor that is helping you face your individual issues, along with your issues as a couple. You are in my p&pt, please feel free to inbox me if you need to chat. For whatever reason, I can't inbox you from my phone.

[Tondi G]

(((HUGS))) Latia. My BIL went and got a vasectomy against my SIL's wishes and pleading for him not to. He got NO sympathy from her when he was recovering from his procedure. I was sad for my SIL when I heard he went about it like that. As a mommy of 2 boys who longs for a DD, I can understand why you are so sad. My DH has tossed the vasectomy around in the last few years and I've always said I wasn't ready for something so permanent yet. I turn 40 tomorrow and he is 41. He just the other day mentioned that maybe he should see about that vasectomy ... cause he thinks we are now too old to have a 3rd. I hope you are able to work through all of this with your DH and find peace with everything.

[wellyes]

Oh, and I definitely agree that a trip with DH's parents for the first time in 14 years is not a good idea. The timing is just WAY off and I agree that we need to be working on our marriage and his parents aren't helping. BUT, the entire trip has already been scheduled, the airbnb apartment and plane tickets have been booked, the itinerary has been planned and all the tours have been paid for so looks like it's too late. I told DH it wasn't a good idea before anything had been booked and he said I was just making things with his parents worse.

I think that is a man who needs to reassess his priorities for his family loyalties. I'm so sorry.

[ray7694]

The strong desire to throw the marriage away for both of you is really alarming to me. I hope and pray you both can forgive and strengthen your marriage through lots of work. I think you both need to think about the other 2 sweet kids that don't have a voice and want happy healthy parents together or not. I don't know your marriage and if it is savable but want you to take in to consideration a divorce would have on your kids.