My mom is 78 and dad is 84- they are still living in their own home which is far too big for just two people. They have been arguing quite a bit about what their next steps will be, and although my siblings and I are trying to help them with the process they have very different opinions about what they want and neither seems to want to budge. I'll try to keep this concise and to the point, but please bear with me if I can't manage it!
Background: they live in a 3500 square foot home that they have occupied for 13 years. Both of my parents have some hoarding tendencies, so there's a lot of stuff. The backyard is also full of junk, but my dad is also an avid gardener so having a yard is very important to him.
Mom's perspective: sell the house and move into a senior facility that provides meals, housekeeping- she pretty much wants to live in a hotel type situation so she doesn't have to deal with upkeep of a household anymore. She's still mobile, but tires easily and has lived with diabetes for decades so while she doesn't currently need constant medical supervision, it would be nice to have easy access to it.
Dad's perspective: he refuses to move into a facility because he wants to maintain his independence and have his garden. He thinks not having any regular responsibilities is going to hasten his death and he doesn't feel that they can find a place that they will feel is a community of their own (we're Filipino, the places they've seen so far are predominantly populated by non-Filipinos).
At this point, they are arguing so much that they are seriously considering going their separate ways with their living situations. They wouldn't divorce, and they joke that they would just "date" each other regularly, but this doesn't seem like a viable solution to me or my siblings for many reasons. I've suggested that we help them declutter the house and get it to function more efficiently for them, possibly even hire someone to live in and take care of the daily housekeeping and cooking, but my mom doesn't seem to think that it will be enough to keep her in the house. My dad thinks he can continue doing the cooking and cleaning, but obviously it's already not enough because my mom is frustrated with the state of the house on a regular basis.
So, if you've made it this far- thank you for your patience! At this point, are there other suggestions I can make as possible compromises for them? Do you know of any services that can help us find the appropriate level of help for them to keep them in their home? How do I get them to get rid of stuff when they are resistant to the process? I just feel like I don't know what questions to ask, what to look out for, how to get us all through this without anyone killing each other