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  1. #1
    SASM is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default Please help...14yo ADHD attitude.

    Sorry if this is in the wrong place...I couldn't find Special Needs Parenting forum in Tapatalk app, not that that forum sees much action anyway.

    14.5yo DS has ADHD, combined type. He's medicated for ADHD and depression. His rudeness and attitude ebbs and flows...a combination of ADHD and teenager. He TRIES to watch a lot of shows that his "friends" watch that I think are completely inappropriate...Supernatural, Big Bang Theory, some adult prank show, some other vampire supernatural show, etc. If he wasn't so immature I'd be a little more willing to look into these shows but from quick glances I don't approve.

    Anyway, today I had an allergic reaction and needed to take Benedryl pretty early in the day, knocking me out for the majority of the day. DS watched wayyyy too much TV, no doubt the shows that I disapprove of. Tonight he started getting an attitude toward DD2, swearing, etc so I took away his phone and technology. DH and I have been toying with getting rid of cable and just having Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc. After experiencing today's behavior, which is not uncommon, I just want to take it a step further and get rid of all of it, just leaving us with a leaf antenna for local channels (no DVR), XBOX One with non-violent games, etc. This would force him to hopefully find other entertainment - getting outside, hopefully finding peers in our neighborhood, reading, etc. We've been looking into volunteer and paid job opportunities for him. He is such a good kid (most of the time) BUT I just HATE his attitude after he watches these shows. I am not sure if removing the TV completely would backfire, though. Please...any BTDT??? Thoughts??


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    Last edited by SASM; 09-16-2017 at 08:02 PM.
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  2. #2
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    I am not an expert on this by any means, but as a mom of two teens and a kid with ADHD, I would be hesitant to completely eliminate things that might be a common denominator with his peers. I know my ADHD kid already feels like he struggles to make good friends, and my teen daughters spend a lot of time bonding with friends over the shows they love (they all watch Grey's Anatomy and Friends, and both shows are something they love to talk about and quote when they hang out.) Making them completely off limits might backfire.

    Can you watch a few episodes of the shows he likes with him? Explain your concerns to him, and tell him that he can earn screen time for those shows when he's in a good place? I don't know a lot about the shows you mentioned, but do think Big Bang Theory is super popular with teens. Ditto The Office (which I think is hilarious as well!).
    Green Tea, mom to three

  3. #3
    SASM is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Green_Tea View Post
    I am not an expert on this by any means, but as a mom of two teens and a kid with ADHD, I would be hesitant to completely eliminate things that might be a common denominator with his peers. I know my ADHD kid already feels like he struggles to make good friends, and my teen daughters spend a lot of time bonding with friends over the shows they love (they all watch Grey's Anatomy and Friends, and both shows are something they love to talk about and quote when they hang out.) Making them completely off limits might backfire.

    Can you watch a few episodes of the shows he likes with him? Explain your concerns to him, and tell him that he can earn screen time for those shows when he's in a good place? I don't know a lot about the shows you mentioned, but do think Big Bang Theory is super popular with teens. Ditto The Office (which I think is hilarious as well!).
    Thank you so much for the response!!! I really appreciate it. That was my exact concern. Gosh I am just so emotional. Ive been struggling with this teenage attitude lately...the ADHD just adds another layer of "Deep breaths, Mama..." moments.


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    Mom to:
    1 BLUE (03) and 2 PINK (05 & 07)
    ^i^ 10.01 & 12.03

    Pardon my typos...blasted Auto-correct!!

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by SASM View Post
    Thank you so much for the response!!! I really appreciate it. That was my exact concern. Gosh I am just so emotional. Ive been struggling with this teenage attitude lately...the ADHD just adds another layer of "Deep breaths, Mama..." moments.


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    Teens are hard. ADHD is hard. The combination is REALLY hard!! Hang in there .
    Green Tea, mom to three

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by SASM View Post
    Sorry if this is in the wrong place...I couldn't find Special Needs Parenting forum in Tapatalk app, not that that forum sees much action anyway.

    14.5yo DS has ADHD, combined type. He's medicated for ADHD and depression. His rudeness and attitude ebbs and flows...a combination of ADHD and teenager. He TRIES to watch a lot of shows that his "friends" watch that I think are completely inappropriate...Supernatural, Big Bang Theory, some adult prank show, some other vampire supernatural show, etc. If he wasn't so immature I'd be a little more willing to look into these shows but from quick glances I don't approve.

    Anyway, today I had an allergic reaction and needed to take Benedryl pretty early in the day, knocking me out for the majority of the day. DS watched wayyyy too much TV, no doubt the shows that I disapprove of. Tonight he started getting an attitude toward DD2, swearing, etc so I took away his phone and technology. DH and I have been toying with getting rid of cable and just having Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc. After experiencing today's behavior, which is not uncommon, I just want to take it a step further and get rid of all of it, just leaving us with a leaf antenna for local channels (no DVR), XBOX One with non-violent games, etc. This would force him to hopefully find other entertainment - getting outside, hopefully finding peers in our neighborhood, reading, etc. We've been looking into volunteer and paid job opportunities for him. He is such a good kid (most of the time) BUT I just HATE his attitude after he watches these shows. I am not sure if removing the TV completely would backfire, though. Please...any BTDT??? Thoughts??


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    I tend to be a "take it all until you earn it back" type too.. It's something I'm trying to work on, but it's tough, especially when there's also some teenage attitude mixed in! We had the fun of "let's whine about every.single.little.thing because Grandma is here and I want attention" attitude last night and today. Because, you know, you shouldn't be expected to do your chores because Grandma is here, and that's 1 more plate than you normally have to clear from the table (the same table that you clear every.single.night!)... Ah, the teen years!

    Just regarding the shows, I can tell you The Big Bang Theory is pretty tame, overall. Occasional mentions of sex (sorry, coitus is what it is called on the show,lol), but any "bedroom" scenes aren't shown other than the couple in bed, afterwards, with some funny quip that will fly right over most kids' heads until they are "active" in that area. My 13yo DD looks at DH and I like, "Why are you laughing?!?" at least once an episode, which shows me the few comments are still totally missed on her (GOOD, of course!).

    The adult prankster show, almost guaranteed, is Impractical Jokers. Moments of inappropriateness (some language that's beeped out, some mentions of sex or body parts), lots of teasing each other (the 4 guys have been BFFs for like 20 years), and general grossness (keys in elephant poop, dip your french fry in some unsuspecting person's ketchup). My 13yo DD (and occasionally immature 40-something DH) LOVES this show. Occasionally I make them fast forward a challenge, most often because it's something I'm "eh" about DD hearing, but it's pretty rare. Off the top of my head, I remember her not being allowed to see one challenge/punishment that had 2 of the people doing, essentially, a strip high-5 challenge (1 piece of clothing comes off if someone walking by won't give you a high-5). It was hilarious, but DD doesn't need to see men in jockey shorts DH says, "There's some sexual innuendos, but, if we're honest, they hearing MUCH worse things at school." He's a middle school teacher, so I tend to believe him on things like what kids are talking about....

    Two good things to consider about the above shows: Big Bang Theory revolves around Sheldon and Leonard who are 2 socially awkward "nerds" when the show started. It provides a GREAT jumping off point for discussions about social struggles--Sheldon often doesn't get what he's doing "wrong" or why other people are so weird when they don't respond as he reacts. As a child with ADHD, my DD is often confused about some social constructs, and seeing that she's not the only one, even if they are just TV characters, is comforting to her. Likewise, Impractical Jokers often centers on making social situations uncomfortable--it's like 50% of the humorous of the show, as they try to get people to ask them what they are dancing to music no one can hear, or asking to cut someone's toenails, etc. Again, if your DS struggles socially, this could be helpful to see expected and unexpected social situations.

    You mention that your DS is pretty immature, as is my 13.5yo DD. As much as I hate some things (why are kids texting poop emojis to each other?!?), I'm trying to loosen up on some TV shows to allow some common denominators with her same-aged peers.
    --Mimi
    Mom to Lala (2004), Bonus Mom to Big Sis 1 (1991) and Big Sis 2 (1992)
    Grammy to Big Kindy Kid (2011), Big Pre-K Kid (2012),
    Grandbaby Appendage (2014), and New Baby Grandboy (summer 2017)

  6. #6
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    Yes, I would honestly. I totally get where you are coming from. One of my DC has some similar tendencies and is SO VERY influenced by media, others, etc. He is just not much of a leader and is very swayed by his surroundings. I have to be careful or we will all just get attitude/sass/etc directed at us when DC is angry/moody/trying hard to be funny or cool. So yeah, we limit a lot and it makes home life so much better.
    K

  7. #7
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    He's in high school? Those shows are pretty tame compared to real life. I don't disagree with limiting tv watching and video games for the sake of doing actual things rather than being a couch potato, but I would relax on the content. Watching things his peers watch that are on regular networks like Big Bang Theory give him a common ground and something to talk about. You're going to push him to sneak more and sneak worse by being overly controlling. Attitude is a normal part of teenage development. Adding ADHD makes it even harder for him to control his behavior. I actually think I get a more honest response from my ADHD 14 year old than I would have given my parents at that age. I was thinking many of the same things but could control my reactions better.

  8. #8
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    He will be just as rude and belligerent without the tv shows. This is teendom. Maybe your school will have some parent education classes on teen angst, rudeness so parents can commiserate and know they do not have the worst kid and it is developmentally normal. You can limit screen time, but provide other outlets, as I do think when they binge and then aren't watching it's a form of withdrawal. I don't think the super harsh restrictions do anything positive though. Our friends who are quite outspoken with their ideas on draconian screen limits and content restrictions have kids and sneak and sneak and have said the rudest, most vulgar things that my kids wouldn't dream of saying - despite seeing Adam Sandler movies and iZombie and similar. It isn't just content. Our friends with the most restrictions have kids that really fight the man, disable Qustodio and are probably more sullen and angst filled than our kids that have more leniency. I saw the same thing as a teen. I had more freedom and was a million times more well behaved than those that had super strict parents. I wouldn't limit his shows except temporarily as punishment for behavior and let him earn back privileges to encourage good behavior. But he's in the throes of hormones, testosterone included and this is all 100% normal. Frustrating though I know.


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  9. #9
    SASM is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I honestly cannot thank all of you enough for taking the time to write very detailed heartfelt responses. I soooo appreciate EVERY experience (and WORD) that you shared!! VERY good points!!!


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    Mom to:
    1 BLUE (03) and 2 PINK (05 & 07)
    ^i^ 10.01 & 12.03

    Pardon my typos...blasted Auto-correct!!

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    I don't have a teen though I used to work with them so take this with a grain of salt but I agree with the others that talk about restrictions. I was an incredibly well behaved kid and my parents had no restrictions on what I watched unlike my friends who hid stuff and snuck around doing lots of not great things. That said, my mom still teases me for my teen attitude and responses. I like to point out she could have had it worse but 25 years later my attitude at 14 is still used to tease me. My much older cousin and brother like to join in. I think teen years are just hard because it's hard to know what the right choice is and teens often give negative feedback/responses regardless.


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