Please help...14yo ADHD attitude.

[SASM]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place...I couldn't find Special Needs Parenting forum in Tapatalk app, not that that forum sees much action anyway.

14.5yo DS has ADHD, combined type. He's medicated for ADHD and depression. His rudeness and attitude ebbs and flows...a combination of ADHD and teenager. He TRIES to watch a lot of shows that his "friends" watch that I think are completely inappropriate...Supernatural, Big Bang Theory, some adult prank show, some other vampire supernatural show, etc. If he wasn't so immature I'd be a little more willing to look into these shows but from quick glances I don't approve.

Anyway, today I had an allergic reaction and needed to take Benedryl pretty early in the day, knocking me out for the majority of the day. DS watched wayyyy too much TV, no doubt the shows that I disapprove of. Tonight he started getting an attitude toward DD2, swearing, etc so I took away his phone and technology. DH and I have been toying with getting rid of cable and just having Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc. After experiencing today's behavior, which is not uncommon, I just want to take it a step further and get rid of all of it, just leaving us with a leaf antenna for local channels (no DVR), XBOX One with non-violent games, etc. This would force him to hopefully find other entertainment - getting outside, hopefully finding peers in our neighborhood, reading, etc. We've been looking into volunteer and paid job opportunities for him. He is such a good kid (most of the time) BUT I just HATE his attitude after he watches these shows. I am not sure if removing the TV completely would backfire, though. Please...any BTDT??? Thoughts??


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[Green_Tea]

I am not an expert on this by any means, but as a mom of two teens and a kid with ADHD, I would be hesitant to completely eliminate things that might be a common denominator with his peers. I know my ADHD kid already feels like he struggles to make good friends, and my teen daughters spend a lot of time bonding with friends over the shows they love (they all watch Grey's Anatomy and Friends, and both shows are something they love to talk about and quote when they hang out.) Making them completely off limits might backfire.

Can you watch a few episodes of the shows he likes with him? Explain your concerns to him, and tell him that he can earn screen time for those shows when he's in a good place? I don't know a lot about the shows you mentioned, but do think Big Bang Theory is super popular with teens. Ditto The Office (which I think is hilarious as well!).

[SASM]

I am not an expert on this by any means, but as a mom of two teens and a kid with ADHD, I would be hesitant to completely eliminate things that might be a common denominator with his peers. I know my ADHD kid already feels like he struggles to make good friends, and my teen daughters spend a lot of time bonding with friends over the shows they love (they all watch Grey's Anatomy and Friends, and both shows are something they love to talk about and quote when they hang out.) Making them completely off limits might backfire.

Can you watch a few episodes of the shows he likes with him? Explain your concerns to him, and tell him that he can earn screen time for those shows when he's in a good place? I don't know a lot about the shows you mentioned, but do think Big Bang Theory is super popular with teens. Ditto The Office (which I think is hilarious as well!).

Thank you so much for the response!!! I really appreciate it. That was my exact concern. Gosh I am just so emotional. Ive been struggling with this teenage attitude lately...the ADHD just adds another layer of "Deep breaths, Mama..." moments.


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[Green_Tea]

Thank you so much for the response!!! I really appreciate it. That was my exact concern. Gosh I am just so emotional. Ive been struggling with this teenage attitude lately...the ADHD just adds another layer of "Deep breaths, Mama..." moments.


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Teens are hard. ADHD is hard. The combination is REALLY hard!! Hang in there .

[KpbS]

Yes, I would honestly. I totally get where you are coming from. One of my DC has some similar tendencies and is SO VERY influenced by media, others, etc. He is just not much of a leader and is very swayed by his surroundings. I have to be careful or we will all just get attitude/sass/etc directed at us when DC is angry/moody/trying hard to be funny or cool. So yeah, we limit a lot and it makes home life so much better.

[BunnyBee]

He's in high school? Those shows are pretty tame compared to real life. I don't disagree with limiting tv watching and video games for the sake of doing actual things rather than being a couch potato, but I would relax on the content. Watching things his peers watch that are on regular networks like Big Bang Theory give him a common ground and something to talk about. You're going to push him to sneak more and sneak worse by being overly controlling. Attitude is a normal part of teenage development. Adding ADHD makes it even harder for him to control his behavior. I actually think I get a more honest response from my ADHD 14 year old than I would have given my parents at that age. I was thinking many of the same things but could control my reactions better.

[bisous]

Yes, I would honestly. I totally get where you are coming from. One of my DC has some similar tendencies and is SO VERY influenced by media, others, etc. He is just not much of a leader and is very swayed by his surroundings. I have to be careful or we will all just get attitude/sass/etc directed at us when DC is angry/moody/trying hard to be funny or cool. So yeah, we limit a lot and it makes home life so much better.

I'm totally in agreement with this.

I have a DS who will be 14 in mere weeks and he also has ADHD. One thing to remember is that ADHD kids are about 30% behind their peers in social and emotional maturity. So your 14yo is more like a 10yo. And maybe some content wouldn't be appropriate for someone of that age. (I'm not really familiar with the programs you mentioned because we don't have cable.) I think it is worth investigating if they might not be as bad as you think and evaluating anew. However, I don't think that you should feel like you have to let him watch the programs just because other kids watch them but then I'm used to be an outlier on content appropriateness, lol.

I do want to mention that the research that I've read does not support the common assumption that strict rules will lead directly to rebellion. In Nurtureshock the authors cite a study that showed that kids who have strict parents were more likely to be honest with their parents and ironically those given the most freedom were more likely to hide things. I was surprised to read that but at the same time when examining my own experience as a teen most of the time it was consistent with what I most often observed.

[SASM]

Hi all...

OP here. I just wanted to thank you again for your responses. I just did a google search for another 14yo issue and this thread popped up. I just reread all of the response. It helped.

DS came home with a Game of Thrones book yesterday. He was reading it upstairs in his room. No doubt to hide it from me but I also appreciate that it's also away from 10&12 yo DDs who wouldn't think twice of picking it up. Deep breaths, mama. I have a VERY difficult time with his watching and reading violence. I almost emailed the administration of his school to complain about the content that my immature 14yo freshman (with ADHD) is able to freely check out; HOWEVER, after I read up on the series and addressed my issues with the book (rape, incest, insane violence, etc) DS shrugged and didn't seem concerned and the defensive teen attitude came out. It scares the cr@p out of me what he is exposed to at this age. After a lot of sleeplessness tonight, I think I am going to let him continue on. If he already knows what all of this horrible stuff is and he easily has access to it at school (through library & peers), I am just going to have to give into this one. I don't want him to read this stuff behind my back. I am just going to try to keep an open dialogue, let him see my reactions (or DH because I honestly cannot read or watch this genre), and this way we know what he's reading and exposed to. I am honestly cringing. It just makes me so sad that he WANTS to read this. I guess a "positive" thing is that it's a look into this section of history/culture. Deep breaths...

[gatorsmom]

Op, what medication is he taking for depression? From your description, it doesn't sound like the depression medication is doing what it is suppose to do. I would talk to his psychiatrist about your concerns. Maybe your DS's behavior is normal or maybe his medication should be adjusted. It also sounds like your DS would really benefit from therapy. Someone outside the family that he can talk to about his frustrations would be very helpful, I think. The therapist could really help you understand what tactic you should take with him too.

[SASM]

Op, what medication is he taking for depression? From your description, it doesn't sound like the depression medication is doing what it is suppose to do. I would talk to his psychiatrist about your concerns. Maybe your DS's behavior is normal or maybe his medication should be adjusted. It also sounds like your DS would really benefit from therapy. Someone outside the family that he can talk to about his frustrations would be very helpful, I think. The therapist could really help you understand what tactic you should take with him too.

Oh my! Just seeing this. Thank you.

He just had an increase in his anti-depressant (sertraline) over the summer. We DID see an improvement. We have been toying with the idea of switching both the psychiatrist and therapist. The psychiatrist hasn't been listening to our request for a new medication for a very long time. DS hasn't been cooperating for the therapist for a while either. I just found someone who can help with organization and therapy but they are out of network. Going to look into it a little further before we proceed. So frustrating. I feel like we are just going around in circles, which I HATE for DS. I hate wasting precious time.