DD Got Targeted

[hbridge]

Please, Please, Please go to the police if the school does not address this TODAY!!! Get a restraining order if you have to! The barrage of texts and e-mails may continue and your child is the VICTIM! Also, while we want our kids to fight back, she could get herself in serious trouble by reacting physically to his unwanted advances. I know more than one child who reacted physically to unwanted hugs and ended up suspended for it. This needs to be addressed NOW for the sake of both kids. Your daughter is the victim... But you also don't know what the other child has been through or what he is capable of. He may be a victim as well and may turn his anger on your child (he may need help)! The school needed to address this the minute you brought it to their attention! The fact that you have not heard from those in charge is scary and unacceptable! Keep your child safe!!! We had a situation two years ago where my child was not safe at school (long, involved story) and she is still recovering emotionally! Don't send her to school until this is resolved to your satisfaction!

[TwinFoxes]

Thank you all, I do think I will follow your advice and am going to stay with her tomorrow until I can speak to the director. I didn't hear back from the director today and am definitely uncomfortable with that.

That said, the two staff members who I spoke to this morning are ones that I really do trust. They took my older son under their wing when he was at the school, and I knew they would look after DD. One has become a personal friend who's come over to our house several times. They kept an eye on her during the day. (One is in administration and the other is a specialized support teacher who roams the school all day.) DD doesn't have a phone, and one of the staff members lent her her phone so she could call me partway through the day to check in. DD said they assured her that they are going to keep her safe.

It's not a matter of trusting them or not. But I don't think it's possible for them to be with your daughter all day, they're not body guards.

I agree with others that having your DD punch the boy can easily backfire on her. It can turn into a he said she said, with the boy's parents upset with your DD. I just see so many things that can go wrong if this isn't settled immediately.

[BDKmom]

Your poor DD. I am so sorry she is dealing with this. I think you have done good things so far and agree with a lot of the advice you have gotten from PPs. I would add that you really should document who you talk to at the school and what protections they say they will put in place. Follow up in person meetings and conversations with emails, even if they are your friends. Document the heck out of this. If it escalates and you do end up needing to involve the police, you want evidence of what has been going on and how you have tried to address it.

Also, your daughter should not be engaging this guy physically. I know she is taking up for herself, but I really agree with others that it can backfire. Not to mention, this is school. She should not have to use physical force to protect herself! Please make sure you get a face-to-face with the top administrator ASAP. And follow up with everything they promise in writing! I hope this is resolved quickly. No kid should feel this threatened at school.

[StantonHyde]

I wouldn't be running to the police. I would be sitting in front of the Director's Office with the stack of emails--I would sit there all day if I had to do so. And I wouldn't have DD go back to school until they had a plan of how they would keep her safe.

Remember--they cannot tell you what they will/will not do with the other child. There are privacy laws in place. You need to focus on how they will keep your DD safe. That's it. And if you are not satisfied, then you need to escalate it. And have DD report EVERY incident no matter how big or small to her teachers and to you. Document everything. Pay special attention to it now that there will (hopefully) be action taken to curtail his behavior. Because this is when he is more likely to act out.

[belovedgandp]

Wow, I couldn't read this without saying props to you mom for raising such a strong daughter.

I hope you had some satisfaction today and a plan to keep her safe.

[PZMommy]

Do you have an update? I’ve been worried for your daughter since reading this.

[KrisM]

Do you have an update? I’ve been worried for your daughter since reading this.

Me too.

[California]

To update (and thank you for caring!): There have been multiple meetings with the students, and it seems like things have finally smoothed out. After the first meeting he did not follow all the agreed upon rules. DD told me, I contacted the director again, and she promised they would immediately move to the next step to address the situation. What was that next step? She wouldn't tell me. DD saw the other student leave school early, and heard that he and his mom met with a counselor. It seems to have worked. The student wrote DD an apology. Other than that they haven't interacted.

DD is very ready to put this behind her. We've had some good talks about how while you certainly want to treat people respectfully, that doesn't mean you have to be friends with everyone. She was trying to be kind to this kid even while she was having some misgivings about him. If this teaches her to trust her intuition that's a good thing to learn within the relatively sheltered world she's in right now, before she's on her own more in high school.

Thank you again for caring. It was good to have a place to both vent and turn to, as DD wouldn't want me sharing this around much with people we know.