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  1. #1
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default My Parents Make Me Want to ...

    ... scream, delete my Facebook account, and commit patricide. That is, if I don't decide to defect to some place without internet or parents.

    My father is in the process of divorcing his wife. He's currently living with my brother and sister-in-law. My brother is happy that he has the room, but he also said at my nephew's birthday party last weekend that "it's been a week and that's too long." (I agree; even if I'd had the room, I wouldn't have had the room.)

    My mother's worldview has been warped by that of her husband, her only source of information and judgment, which led to her posting an incredibly racially offensive meme and follow-up article on her FB timeline that led to my sister-in-law blocking Mom (and telling her that she would not be seeing her grandsons, who are half-Cuban ...) "without warning."

    (In my opinion, that kind of thing doesn't require warning. You should already know it's wrong.)

    Which leaves me ... receiving texts about all of it.

    Mostly, I don't answer. Yesterday, as I predicted when the block and anger happened (I was ready to block, too), Mom expressed being "heartbroken" about the lack of invitation to the nephew-party in a text to me.

    I'm not proud of it, but for my own mental health, I deflected it as something that's between my SIL and Mom. I feel like a coward for it because I got angry all over again because I can't find the words to explain, in a rational and factual manner, why what she posted is not only offensive but also twisted, evil, and racist.

    At least with Dad, I'm only getting basic facts, like when did he marry the soon-to-be-ex-wife (March 2013), and that he's still got the same phone number, but with Mom ... I get emotions.

    They both need friends. And a lot of therapy. And neither of them have the financial means to get the latter.

    I'm emotionally exhausted.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  2. #2
    nfceagles's Avatar
    nfceagles is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Default

    That sounds awful!


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  3. #3
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    Default

    That does sound awful. And good for your SIL for not being too afraid to call people on their racist crap.

    I'm a firm believer in not every text needs to be replied to, so don't respond to the ones your dad sends that you don't feel like replying to.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  4. #4
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by TwinFoxes View Post
    That does sound awful. And good for your SIL for not being too afraid to call people on their racist crap.

    I'm a firm believer in not every text needs to be replied to, so don't respond to the ones your dad sends that you don't feel like replying to.
    It's very easy to not respond to Dad-texts.

    Since Mom texts a lot less frequently (um, actually, it's more like she "never" texts), I kind of stumbled into reading them in the first place.

    I <3 my SIL and I agree with her, but I was too chicken to say so to my mother. I'm (avoiding) dealing with so much else and I was too chicken to stand up for my nephews. I feel like the worst.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post

    I <3 my SIL and I agree with her, but I was too chicken to say so to my mother. I'm (avoiding) dealing with so much else and I was too chicken to stand up for my nephews. I feel like the worst.
    I wasn't trying to make you feel bad...calling your MIL vs you own mom are apples and oranges. Parent/child relationships are different.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  6. #6
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by TwinFoxes View Post
    I wasn't trying to make you feel bad...calling your MIL vs you own mom are apples and oranges. Parent/child relationships are different.
    Thank you; I know you weren't trying to make me feel bad. I feel bad enough as it is, but you're totally right.

    My relationship with my mother is difficult, and it has been since the divorce. I've always been a great deal closer to Dad, and I think she kind of resented it when I was little and I felt that she was punishing me for it during the divorce & its aftermath.

    It's hard to manage my feelings, especially when I feel like I worked really hard to have any sort of relationship with her over the past 20-odd years.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  7. #7
    niccig is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Default My Parents Make Me Want to ...

    You dodged it this time, so be prepared if your mom says something again. ďMom, youíre Facebook post was racist, of course it offended SIL who is CubanĒ. Then donít reply to anything else she says trying to justify what she did.

    My mother is difficult but Iíve been calling her out on her behavior rather than ignore and let it go to set example for DS that you donít let people treat you badly. I get the silent treatment, which is kinda nice actually!

    Your brother also needs to stand up for his family. MIL said something derogatory towards immigrants. I called her on it. I then told DH to deal with his mother or his immigrant wife and half-American child would never visit her again. DH dealt with it.




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    Last edited by niccig; 09-30-2017 at 01:08 PM.

  8. #8
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by niccig View Post
    You dodged it this time, so be prepared if your mom says something again. “Mom, you’re Facebook post was racist, of course it offended SIL who is Cuban”. Then don’t reply to anything else she says trying to justify what she did.
    Oh boy; it'll be like college all over again. (She had a lot of things directed towards me that were invasive or ridiculous and that I thought weren't coming from her, but from her husband. Like the time she requested my "report card." You don't get a "report card" in college; you can, however, check your grades and order an unofficial transcript, but I was the one who had to do it and I felt that my grades & my major were my own business. Also, prior to leaving for college, I had not been informed that I was supposed to show a "report card" to either of my parents; the request came sometime during my Sophomore year, and I found it both unreasonable and a breach of trust.)


    Quote Originally Posted by niccig View Post
    Your brother also needs to stand up for his family.
    I'm pretty sure he is.

    After all, if I'm the one getting the spout-off, I figure he's freezing Mom out.

    I didn't ask him about it at the party, but that's mostly because I hadn't heard from her yet.

    She says she told my brother that she deleted the original meme (which she followed up with something worse, in my opinion) but that doesn't change the fact that she saw, believed, & reposted it in the first place.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

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