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  1. #1
    PunkyBoo is online now Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Default Bring DC to first IEP mtg?

    DS2 was diagnosed last week by private Dr. as having ASD and ADHD. We've also been pursuing the school assessments, and have the first IEP meeting at school next week. We haven't notified the school yet of the diagnoses. We also haven't yet told DS2 his diagnoses, but he's told me a few times that he's been visiting the school psychologist office during the day. The IEP paperwork says we may bring DS2 to the meeting, but I'm not sure if we should. He's 8, in 3rd grade, and he only knows we've been meeting doctors and the school to help him "not get in trouble at school anymore". I don't want him to feel we're talking over him, nor that we're vilifying him. Did you take your DC to first meeting?
    Please excuse all my typos- typing on a kindle fire!
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  2. #2
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    I'd be surprised if the school plans to include the student at that age. Maybe after the grown-up arguing is done, bring in the student to refer the list of accommodations and services and help them understand that they are there to help them be more successful at school. Or to introduce them to anyone they haven't met before. But I would not have them there for the whole discussion. More so when you haven't even explained the ASD and ADHD diagnoses. What I have done in advance of IEP meetings, when writing up my parent input & concerns is consult with my DS (age 9) about what he likes about his "plan", and what he doesn't like. Then I include that as his input, and submit the full parent & student input as a written document so the IEP has a record of our (and his) requests. If you're not sure how to talk about the diagnoses, I would talk that over with your private Dr. too about how to approach it - so that is done outside of school, and not during a school meeting.

  3. #3
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    I wouldn't bring him. It's not a conversation he needs to be part of.


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  4. #4
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    We just had a 504 meeting last week. Last year they put interventions in place without a 504; to continue them we needed a 504. DS knows his diagnoses and knows that we just want to help him.
    I talked to him before the meeting last week, told him it was happening, told him who we were meeting with. I also asked him if there was anything that he needed to help do better in school, and he told me that he needed a carrel like he had last year. With that information, I was able to get a carrel put into the plan - it was not on my mind before he raised it.

    So, my input would be to talk to your DS, let him know what is going on, find out if he has any input, but don't take him to the meeting.

  5. #5
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    I would not take him to the meeting. IEP meetings can get emotional, and can also be long and boring for kids. You will do him a greater service by being 100% present on his behalf.

    If he doesn't know his diagnoses, make sure the school is aware of that.
    Green Tea, mom to three

  6. #6
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    hillview is online now Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    Not at this age.
    DS #1 Summer 05
    DS #2 Summer 07

  7. #7
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    I wouldn't. I'm also surprised the school gave you an option to bring him. That option isn't usually available for us here until middle school and they recommend including the student in high school.
    Mommy to 2 DS's (2003 and 2007)

  8. #8
    PZMommy is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    I've attended a lot of IEP meetings at the elementary level, and I've never had a student sit in at the meeting. They can be boring or contentious depending on the situation. No child needs to be a part of that. Also, a lot of the meeting may be about what he can't do, and that is so they can justify services. I know it can be hard for parents to sit there and hear all of the things their child struggles with.

    The visits to the psychologist are probably part of the school testing. I would definitely go into the meeting with an idea of what kind of support you want. Also, remember you do not need to sign anything that day (other than the attendance page saying who was there). Good luck!

  9. #9
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    Default Bring DC to first IEP mtg?

    Donít bring him. My DS (8) was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and he doesnít like to hear me discuss his behavior with the psychiatrist. I canít imagine him going to his IEP would be beneficial for anyone.


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    DD (3/06)
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  10. #10
    JustMe is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I agree that I would not bring him. However, depending upon his ability to articulate his needs to you, I would talk to him sometime before the meeting to see if he has any input regarding what is the most helpful for him, what is not helpful for him, what helps him work/learn better, etc. I have always done this with dd and now at 14, when she does attend the meetings, the IEP team is very impressed with how well she articulates her needs. Also, she is more effective at getting people to think her needs are valid than I am (not because she does anything special, but just because she is the person being discussed as opposed to the mother of the person being discussed).
    lucky single mommy to almost 16 yr old dd and almost 13 yr old ds through 2 very different adoption routes

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