Why Am I the Villain If I Don't Want a Dog?

[lizzywednesday]

DD is lonely.

She's actually made a couple of friends, but it's hard to get together because I don't always have their parents' numbers. (No class list, which is an ongoing b!tch.)

DD also loves animals, specifically dogs.

DH is also a dog person.

I ... am not.

DD has been BEGGING for a dog; DH doesn't like seeing her upset/lonely/whatever. He got frustrated with me when I insisted that getting a dog was not going to happen.

He's been stressed about money lately, so that's one reason - adoption fees are all over the place, ranging from the $45 I recall from the dog my brother Ger had as a kid to the $350(!) I saw for beagle puppies at a pound in another county, and that's before you get into spay/neuter (sometimes this is provided by the shelter/rescue org), vet checkups, vaccines, training, food, and boarding when we travel (and we travel for a week at least twice per year), not to mention the harness, leash, food/water bowls, crate, bed, grooming, and possible emergency vet visits ($$$$$) that could happen over a lifetime of dog ownership.

I'm just not on board with a dog.

And his snide comments about my lack of employment (OK, I keep falling off the job-hunt wagon, and that's totally on me) and the trouble I have keeping up with the housework (and what I consider to be his impossible/unreasonable standards) and the pushback he gives me when I point out that certain things could be easier if he'd do X, Y, or Z ... I just do not need to add a dog into the mix.

Especially a dog that I do not want.

I've tried to warm up to the idea of having a dog.
I've tried to tell myself it's a positive experience.
I've tried to tell myself that if DH really wanted one, he'd do all the financial crap for it as well as some of the walking & training.

But I can't convince myself that I'll feel anything less than dumped on and ignored.

And apparently this makes me a villain.

Truth is, I'd rather be a villain than resentful, but it sucks to be the villain.

[trcy]

I'm sorry, that's awful! As much as I love pets, I'm a firm believer that a family should not get any pet that everyone isn't on board about.


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[Simon]

I'm with you on the no pet bandwagon and how badly it sucks to be the one who is the final No. My Dh has been bad at times for making me feel like a spoilsport when I veto his (really bad) ideas for events or things with the kids. Especially with so much else going on in the house, I would not take on a dog. Stay strong!

[jgenie]

Sorry your DH is making you out to be the bad guy. I would stick to your guns on this one though. I remember the expectations regarding childcare when you were working. I think all of the care for the dog would fall to you ultimately and that would really boil your blood after the huge push to get it despite you not wanting it at all. Don’t do it!! Fingers crossed your DD and DH move on to something else soon!!

[TwinFoxes]

I think you have very good reasons for not getting a dog, they can be expensive and yes, they are work (and I am a dog lover). But you know what I'm going to say. Not having phone numbers on a class list isn't a very good reason to keep a lonely child from having play dates. Often you can find a phone number on google. You could send a note in. Think outside the box.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I think you have very good reasons for not getting a dog, they can be expensive and yes, they are work (and I am a dog lover). But you know what I'm going to say. Not having phone numbers on a class list isn't a very good reason to keep a lonely child from having play dates. Often you can find a phone number on google. You could send a note in. Think outside the box.

I agree. You can easily solve the contact issue. I was a room parent and I created a class directory. Anyone can do it. Take the initiative and make it happen. It’ll feel good to volunteer and make life easier for yourself and others in the class. It’ll probably help others view you in a really positive light. Win wins all around.

I’m Team no dog. Luckily dh is too though!!


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[sariana]

I agree. You can easily solve the contact issue. I was a room parent and I created a class directory. Anyone can do it. Take the initiative and make it happen. It’ll feel good to volunteer and make life easier for yourself and others in the class. It’ll probably help others view you in a really positive light. Win wins all around.

I’m Team no dog. Luckily dh is too though!!


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Some schools don't allow it because of privacy issues.

OP, I don't like dogs and would hate to be branded "the villian" for saying no. Your husband sounds a lot like mine, too, though mine never had insisted on getting a dog. (I'm allergic.)

[SnuggleBuggles]

Some schools don't allow it because of privacy issues.

OP, I don't like dogs and would hate to be branded "the villian" for saying no. Your husband sounds a lot like mine, too, though mine never had insisted on getting a dog. (I'm allergic.)

Ask permission and allow parents to opt in.


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[Twoboos]

Stay strong! Don't get the dog, you are not a villain, you are reasonable. Even if everyone claims they will help care of the dog, they won't. I stupidly fell for this. I figured when I was home with the dog (as the SAHM) I would care for him, and when others were home they'd help. Nope. I have to ask/beg/plead to get DDs or DH to take the dog out, feed, him, play with him, etc.. And if your DH has (ridiculous) high standards about a clean house, a dog is NOT going to help. Not to mention your list of expenses is spot on.

My kids and DH begged for years and I finally gave in and there is not a day that goes by that I don't wonder where my brain was that day. It is another huge thing to think about. Don't do it. You are right. If you need more support come back here and I will tell you again.

[lizzywednesday]

... But you know what I'm going to say. Not having phone numbers on a class list isn't a very good reason to keep a lonely child from having play dates. Often you can find a phone number on google. You could send a note in. Think outside the box.

I love you, TF.

We actually tried to do a class directory in kindy.

Out of 25 kids in the class ... 5 opted in.

Five.

I'm not optimistic, but maybe I can bring it up with her teacher. As long as I do all the work, I don't see why there would be a problem.

She's happier/a little less lonely now that she also has Scouts every week and I have one phone number for her very good friend's mom, which is one more phone number than I had in kindergarten.