Why Am I the Villain If I Don't Want a Dog?

[niccig]

I caved on the cat and I’m glad I did because she’s a very snuggly cat and DS loves her. The difference with your situation is I wasn’t opposed because I hate cats, I was opposed because we live in an area with coyotes and cats go missing if outside. We keep her inside and if she managers to get out, we catch her straight away.

DS does not look after the cat independently and he’s 12. He needs reminders. He now wants a bunny, says he’ll look after it. Both DH and I are an United “no” as the cat will hunt the bunny and DS hasn’t shown us he can care for an animal.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

Do you have a place like a YMCA, JCC or neighborhood community center? If so, can you go regularly?
Or look at library programs- ours has great, free Saturday morning activities and some during the week.
Just thinking of fun ways to interact with kids that require no planning. You just go and play with whose there.
Is she old enough to volunteer at a no-kill shelter playing with the animals? One of ours is always looking helpers to walk dogs and just provide companionship. That’d do the job of social interaction and dogs.


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[MontrealMum]

I think you have very good reasons for not getting a dog, they can be expensive and yes, they are work (and I am a dog lover). But you know what I'm going to say. Not having phone numbers on a class list isn't a very good reason to keep a lonely child from having play dates. Often you can find a phone number on google. You could send a note in. Think outside the box.

I"m on team no dog as well for all the excellent reasons you stated. And you should not feel guilty about this!

The contact thing is hard. We have super strict privacy laws here in QC too and have never had a class list. But I will say, it was so much easier for our DS to make friends once he was in school. The preschool wasn't in our neighborhood, and drew on a different circle of parents so those friends just didn't stick. But once I joined the PPO (you may call it a PTA down there?) and started volunteering at school *I* made friends, and DS is friends with their kids. He has his own, separate friends too, but the stronger friendships are the ones where it's kind of a whole-family thing. And yes, I push those kids whose moms I'd prefer to hang out with

So, I'm going to give you a little push. Get involved at the school. It'll be hard. You'll feel awkward - I did too. I'm an extreme introvert who sucks at small talk. But you should still do it. I did and I don't regret it for a minute. It'll be good for your own mental health In my case I made some contacts that actually helped me out when transferring to a new job, in addition to making some new friends of my own! I know you're not working and that you may have to quit suddenly if you do get a job. Don't let that hold you back.

[DualvansMommy]

Another team vote on no from me, and I’m a huge dog lover. It isn’t fair to the dog ultimately as they can sense resentment.

After our second Boxer passed away in summer of 2016, I wanted another boxer recently. But DH said no as wants to wait until DS2 starts kindergarten year, as I’ll be home with two kids in school full time by then. That’s when I’ll have the time and resources to devote to the dog.

Dh presented all valid arguments as to why no for now which I respected and he’s like you. Not a dog lover nor any animal lover period to have in the house. But he does it for me and has seen I’ve put in the commitment, time and energy towards our previous TWO boxers. Therefore the trust is already there someone in the family will step up to the commitment.

Lastly, if your DH is harping on you about cleanliness and finances, not getting a dog is even all the more reason. They’ll definitely create more work for you to keep up housework. There’s fair amount of hidden costs in maintaining a dog too besides the obvious of vet, food and bedding. What if your dog turns out to be the nervy type that needs socialization for little bit whenever you guys go out of house for whole day, that means a dog sitter. One of our boxers towards the end of his life started having bowel movement issues and needed to be let out every hour clockwork. It meant we had to pony up for a dog walker to come by our house whenever we’ve had days we’re gone out of house longer than 2 hours.

Fireworks is a big thing for our other boxer too. We’re usually gone all evening for the firework every July 4th, and we usually have a dog sitter sit at our house so our dogs won’t freak out during the event.

No you’re not the villain. Stick to your guns. Also pp had a great suggestion of volunteering in dog shelters, as your DD is good age for that to be a little helper.


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[specialp]

You’ve mentioned this dog issue before so I hope DH can receive the message that this is a firm no, not a wear me down until I say yes. And whatever the next good reason is to have one, the answer will still be no. It's not appropriate to keep having this discussion. Dogs can be great therapy for all types of situations shyness, giving confidence, bullied kids, etc. However, a dog isn’t the answer to help a child who is lonely for playdates with her friends.

There sounds like a lot of other issues going on there, too with job hunt, house cleaning criticism, and worried about $. Not a time/place to add in a dog even if you were on board.

[lizzywednesday]

I caved on the cat and I’m glad I did because she’s a very snuggly cat and DS loves her. ..
DS does not look after the cat independently and he’s 12. He needs reminders. He now wants a bunny, says he’ll look after it. Both DH and I are an United “no” as the cat will hunt the bunny and DS hasn’t shown us he can care for an animal. ...

I could handle a cat. I got my first "my very own" cat when I was 11. I was responsible for all his first year vet bills, first months' food, changing his litterbox, getting him used to the comb, and making sure he didn't pee on the TV cord.

He was still "my very own" cat until I went off to college (no pets allowed in the dorms!) but my brother Joe assumed responsibility for him. I changed the litterbox when I was home on breaks.

I would actually prefer a cat, but we have a great many people in the family who are allergic so it's a no-go.

[lizzywednesday]

...

So, I'm going to give you a little push. Get involved at the school. It'll be hard. You'll feel awkward - I did too. I'm an extreme introvert who sucks at small talk. But you should still do it. I did and I don't regret it for a minute. It'll be good for your own mental health In my case I made some contacts that actually helped me out when transferring to a new job, in addition to making some new friends of my own! I know you're not working and that you may have to quit suddenly if you do get a job. Don't let that hold you back.

I volunteer at the twice-yearly PTO Book Fair. I come in to help mark last copies early in the week, work until 2pm, and end up with a photographic instant-recall of all the books on the shelves. If I've touched it, I know where it is.

The chairpeople know that when I sign up to volunteer, I'm there to work. Yes, I chat a little with the other moms, but some of them are locals who've been through the schools themselves, and their acquaintanceships go back quite a ways ... it's not cliquey, exactly, just a little hard to not feel odd-footed.

I like the other moms, but I think my awkward personality came off wrong with some of them and I got the sense last Fair that some of them just plain do not like me.

[hbridge]

Don't get the dog unless EVERYONE in the family agrees...

Our dog is very sweet and I would not trade him for the world, BUT there are days...

If your DC needs a friend who will accept her no matter what, how about something smaller... hamster, rabbit, guinea pig, cat... We have a hamster who is super friendly and very easy to care for. We also have Guinea pigs who are sweet, but require more care... DC is involved in a group where many kids have rabbits; they are super sweet and can be litter box trained...


That being said, do NOT get a dog unless you are all ready.

[lizzywednesday]

...

If your DC needs a friend who will accept her no matter what, how about something smaller... hamster, rabbit, guinea pig, cat... We have a hamster who is super friendly and very easy to care for. We also have Guinea pigs who are sweet, but require more care... DC is involved in a group where many kids have rabbits; they are super sweet and can be litter box trained...

Cats are a no-go due to allergies. (If they weren't, I can't tell you how fast I'd be adopting one!)

Small mammals really, really, really freak me out ... and they violate my "no tanks, hutches, cages, or habitats" rule. I mean, if she's too immature to take care of a dog on her own without help, she's definitely too immature to take care of a small mammal and the thought of cleaning cages (et al) leaves me nauseated.

Also? She's quite impulsive and often plays rough, so I'm not at all on board with a small, potentially fragile, pet that cannot be cuddled like a dog can.

[doberbrat]

You’ve mentioned this dog issue before so I hope DH can receive the message that this is a firm no, not a wear me down until I say yes. And whatever the next good reason is to have one, the answer will still be no. It's not appropriate to keep having this discussion. Dogs can be great therapy for all types of situations shyness, giving confidence, bullied kids, etc. However, a dog isn’t the answer to help a child who is lonely for playdates with her friends.

There sounds like a lot of other issues going on there, too with job hunt, house cleaning criticism, and worried about $. Not a time/place to add in a dog even if you were on board.

Totally agree with this one. The dog will bond with the person who does the most to/for it. THis is rarely the child. My dogs LOVE kids. Adore them. but its me they sleep with, sit on etc They'll go to the kids if I'm busy or if the kids call them but I'm still #1 It might work out but its a bit of a gamble.

And in just about every family I've seen, its the woman who does most of the work for/with the dogs. Even just the little things like remembering to schedule vet visits (and get to them) and make grooming appts. There's alot of work involved.

And if the house isnt up to cleanliness standard now, forget it w/a dog - esp a new dog/puppy. There's hair, wet or muddy footprints after it rains/snows. water splotches from the water bowl, dog toys left out etc

I'm sorry you're being made out to be the villain.