Why Am I the Villain If I Don't Want a Dog?

[khm]

How old is your daughter? I'd have her give a note to a few friends asking for their parent's #s. Look 'em up on Facebook, lots of people have their phone numbers shown there. Just get out where other parents are. Chat up parents at events.

Dogs are awesome, but dogs aren't going to help your daughter if she's lonely for FRIENDS. The friend part you can help with. You cannot make yourself WANT a dog.

[boolady]

How old is your daughter? I'd have her give a note to a few friends asking for their parent's #s. Look 'em up on Facebook, lots of people have their phone numbers shown there. Just get out where other parents are. Chat up parents at events.

Dogs are awesome, but dogs aren't going to help your daughter if she's lonely for FRIENDS. The friend part you can help with. You cannot make yourself WANT a dog.

Getting other parents' contact information doesn't have to involve creating a directory. Write a short note to each one explaining your DD has been having fun with his/her child and you'd love their contact info so you can reach out about a playdate or meetup. Send them to school with your DD, email the teacher to let her know you'd like DD or the teacher to be able to put them in the other kids' "take home" folders, and done. Lots of parent communication at our school happens this way.

Have any of these children ever been in your DD's class in the past? If so, are the parents' emails still in your email somewhere from group party/group gift/volunteering emails? Emails from my DD's school always use blind CC, but when a parent initiates an email, like, "Hey, we need a few more things for the class winter party..." they seldom bother to blind cc and everyone uses "respond all" anyway.

[lizzywednesday]

...

Have any of these children ever been in your DD's class in the past? If so, are the parents' emails still in your email somewhere from group party/group gift/volunteering emails? Emails from my DD's school always use blind CC, but when a parent initiates an email, like, "Hey, we need a few more things for the class winter party..." they seldom bother to blind cc and everyone uses "respond all" anyway.

DD is 7 and in 2nd grade.

Yes, one or two of the kids have been in DD's class in the past.

One little girl was in her Daisy troop last year and I have her mom's email & phone, but they actually told us up front that their work schedules (both of which involve unpredictable travel) have changed so much this year that free time was going to be hard for them. (I'm sad about this, because it's also meant the child isn't in our Brownie troop this year and she's a great kid with fantastic ideas.)

We don't do class parties or class gifts.
Volunteers don't work in the classrooms; they sign up for shifts at events or take-home tasks through the PTO.
Teacher Appreciation Week, in May, is also organized by the PTO.

I might have one little boy's mother's email from an RSVP to his birthday party in kindergarten, and definitely have contact info for the little girl who lives down the street, but beyond that? Nope.

And the children I've mentioned here aren't the kids she talks about if she talks about other kids.

Last year was the first and, so far, only year she came home talking about another child in her class in a positive way. (I have that mother's contact info, which is good. I should actually reach out to see if there's anything we could bring over - she had a baby at the beginning of the school year and might appreciate an extra hand.)

[Kindra178]

I️ think you need to join the pta - that means you need to attend meetings. Run an event, don’t just work at one. When you start going to meetings, you can then suggest creating a school directory.


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[specialp]

Getting other parents' contact information doesn't have to involve creating a directory. Write a short note to each one explaining your DD has been having fun with his/her child and you'd love their contact info so you can reach out about a playdate or meetup. .

I know we are off topic at this point, but I did this although I gave my cell # and didn’t directly ask for theirs. My son started talking about a new girl at school. It’s a private school and we do have contact lists, but this was a new student a few weeks in and I didn’t wait for the contact list to be updated. I put a note, not even in an envelope, to “A’s parents from P’s mom” in his teacher folder. I gave them my cell and said my son, another classmate, and siblings were going to meet at a playground on Saturday and to text me if they would like to join us there or have a 1-on-1 playdate some other time. A has a very unusual name and I had to spell it phonetically, I had no idea if it was a mom or dad, if they spoke English, if they were new to the area, if there were siblings, etc. I didn’t put much thought into it … if I had I would’ve texted the teacher to get the correct name spelling first! I guess I just felt like there was no harm in “introducing” myself and putting the ball in their court. She did text and we’ve had several playdates since, but I would’ve been fine if she didn’t. (Also, I’m not the room mom for DS1’s class, but I offered to update the contact list to send out since we had one new student come and one leave.)

[Momit]

Our school just started using a service called Directory Spot. You download the app and have access to an online directory. We did a paper one in the past, so we weren't starting from scratch. An opt out form was sent home and everyone who didn't return it was included. The school paid less than $500 for the service, and the app is free for parents. It's fantastic. Maybe you could volunteer to head up the initiative at your school. I know at ours, the volunteers we love are the ones who turn an "I wish we had such and such" into "I'll be the committee leader for this and make it happen." It can be hard to break into the mom cliques when they have known each other for years. Don't give up!

[mom2binsd]

I am with you on no dog, my two kids BEG me all the time, but we don't have any extra money for dog expenses and we go away in the summer where we couldn't take a dog and for hockey trips and then we'd be stuck. I actually like dogs and my kids are old enough to really help out, but I stand firm and they don't like it, but as a single parent it's my word and nobody else can argue that. Sorry your DH is making this more difficult for you, on a few fronts it seems like.

I know this is a bitching post, but I'd also encourage you to get your daughter involved in something like dance, gymnastics, soccer, etc, those activities really help them develop friendships and you are forced to spend time with the parents as at that age they usually don't just drop them off.

Also, do people walk the kids to school? So many of the mom's around who are SAHM seem to socialize at pick up time in the area at the front of the school.

What about other kids in the neighborhood?

[Globetrotter]

you are absolutely right to stand firm on the no dog thing. I met a friend of mine the other day. They got a dog and guess who’s taking care of him? She was already struggling to take care of her three kids as the husband is always working. she said having a dog is like having a fourth child, and it’s a big expense, as you know.
As for reaching out to make friends, others have given good suggestions. In our case, a lot of friends have come from their extracurricular activities. Girl Scouts is a great way to make friends!
Since you’re at home right now, definitely go to pick up and try to chat with parents afterwards. I’m assuming that there are some parents who pick them up right away. Offer to host a play date or meet at the park. It’s probably going to be easier to establish friendships now if you’re at home now, but don’t count out friendships made at afterschool care. I’ve seen a lot of bonding go on there as the kids get to hang out for a few more hours until their parents pick them up.
Definitely reach out to that family with the new baby. And offer to host her child for play dates. I bet they would like the break!

[lizzywednesday]

I think you need to join the pta - that means you need to attend meetings. Run an event, don’t just work at one. When you start going to meetings, you can then suggest creating a school directory.

I'm cautious about becoming more active in the PTO because I am job hunting right now and feel very unsettled. I have attended PTO meetings regularly in the past, but found it's hard to bring DD (they usually provide childcare/activities for kids)

I am her troop leader for Scouts and while that isn't taking a lot of my time (I'm trying to be smart about it), I don't want to add running an event to my plate and then have to last minute back out of it because my circumstances have changed, KWIM?

[Globetrotter]

If you are the troop leader for scouts, that makes it a lot easier. Suggest some social activities for bonding! Our troop did social stuff in addition to badges and official events.
We had a family picnic every year and the moms did the occasional mom’s night out. Offer to host a holiday party or meet at the park.
We occasionally did field trips to visit a cool ice cream place in a different city or stuff like that. Sometimes it was tied into a badge.
I know we were very lucky that the girls bonded. But I think it takes some effort also to make that happen.