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  1. #1
    JustMe is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default Does anyone limit their teen's device time or is that just a loosing battle?

    My kids are 14 and 11 and both have phones. They pretty much attempt to be on their phones all of the time they are home at this time..and 14 year old dd has it out all of the time when we are traveling places, etc. I do make them charge their phones outside of their room when they go to sleep. I have tried having a number of hours they can be on their phones, but they fight against it. I have been a strong parent as far as enforcing rules, but I feel like this one is a loosing battle that only creates resentment and don't know if I just need to accept they are going to be on their phones all the time.

    Things may be a little different between the kids, as ds (11) actually admits he can't control himself with the phone and needs help (sometimes; other times he gets angry).

    FWIW, I don't mind when they are actually texting their friends, but the amount of time on youtube, social media activities not directly related to friends they know, and video games (ds) disturbs me.
    lucky single mommy to almost 16 yr old dd and almost 13 yr old ds through 2 very different adoption routes

  2. #2
    Twoboos is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I feel like it's a losing battle. DDs (12 & 14) are on all the time. Although at times they both recognize that they're on too much and cut back on their own, but it doesn't last. DD1 will even have Youtube shows going while she's doing her homework! Luckily for her, her grades are good but cmon.

    I am afraid that ship has sailed, at least in our house. I have no idea how to reign it in. I'd love to hear ideas. (Sorry I had none to offer, just letting you know you're not alone!)
    "Every mother needs a wife." - Amy Poehler, Yes Please

  3. #3
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    One of my BFFs has a bunch of kids, 2nd grade through college. She doesn't allow screens during the week. I don't know how she manages it. When her oldest was still in HS he could answer texts. But no playing games or watching youtube. My DDs complain they don't have as many cool games as her kids, and I offer to buy them the exact same games, but we'd also institute the no screens during the week rule. They stop complaining pretty quickly...
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  4. #4
    Mikey0709 is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Another losing battle here - but I HAVE taken in away quite a few times.

    And end of the night it leaves the bedroom for charging.

  5. #5
    JustMe is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Thanks for the replies!

    Quote Originally Posted by TwinFoxes View Post
    One of my BFFs has a bunch of kids, 2nd grade through college. She doesn't allow screens during the week. I don't know how she manages it. When her oldest was still in HS he could answer texts. But no playing games or watching youtube. My DDs complain they don't have as many cool games as her kids, and I offer to buy them the exact same games, but we'd also institute the no screens during the week rule. They stop complaining pretty quickly...
    Yes, see this is the issue. I don't want to take away their right (especially dd's) to communicate with friends, but it sucks that this is so tied up with all the rest of it.
    lucky single mommy to almost 16 yr old dd and almost 13 yr old ds through 2 very different adoption routes

  6. #6
    newnana is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    DD is a tween and has a smartphone. She is almost never on it, but we don't allow games, social media, or anything on it. She uses it to call us or family if needed and to text friends to set up time to hang out, set up time to do group projects, clarify homework questions, and coordinate activities.

    She has an app to check her homework (or 4 because every teacher gets to pick their own, but that's for the bp), and one geometry app that a teacher recommended and DH and I approved.

    She doesn't have time with all her obligations. Apparently I'm channeling my dad and his "idle hands are the devil's playground" philosophy. In the car DD reads, does crafts, or does homework.
    Last edited by newnana; 11-17-2017 at 01:59 PM.

  7. #7
    icunurse is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustMe View Post
    Yes, see this is the issue. I don't want to take away their right (especially dd's) to communicate with friends, but it sucks that this is so tied up with all the rest of it.
    I think that is part of how people deal with it differently. See, I don't think that my children need to be able to constantly communicate with their peers. They don't need instant access to everyone. They don't. If something is that important (relating to homework, etc), then they can call the house phone or cell phone. But I don't think kids need thousands of texts every month, as most of them are stupid and can lead to gossip, harassment, etc.

    We don't do screens during the week and it really isn't a big deal. My kids are used to it by now and have so many other things to do, they don't need screens to be their only entertainment. People act like we are Amish or afraid of technology and we really aren't. I just don't like to give too much too soon and I personally don't think that kids should have free reign over a smartphone/internet before 16 or 17 years of age. By junior year in HS, hopefully they will have learned enough and seen enough mistakes from their peers to have complete control over things. But I see many good kids, sporty, honor students making very poor choices, so I don't think any child is immune. And I think a lot of parents are blind to what their child is doing because they want to be cool or modern or trusting. There can be a balance between all of this.

    DS is almost 14 and currently has an old slider phone. It texts and makes calls and that is plenty for what he needs. We are thinking of moving him up to a smartphone simply because he is in activities that use apps to communicate and group texts and those can't be done on his phone. But there will be parental controls and data limits. And the phone will be placed in the kitchen right after school/activity to charge. Again, if anyone needs to reach him immediately, they can call him. Or he will be able to check texts. And I will always be able to access his phone whenever I want. But do I think that he should be able to text for hours in his room? No. And the slider phone will be saved for DD, much to her shock and dismay lol

  8. #8
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    My kids are younger, not teens, but I work with families of teens, and I’ve seen a lot of different approaches. There’s one family I know that uses OurPact (which is what I use with my littles) to choose which apps their kids have access to at what times during the week and on weekends to give them timed allowances (like a number of hours limit per day) the kids can manage as they like. Their teens are younger, 12 and 14. This family actually tends to be pretty liberal in what they allow, but I know they do limit what they consider independent activities, like games, tv and movies on devices, and YouTube, more than they do social ones, like texting. I advocate limits like no devices at the table or during family gatherings of other sorts and no devices in the bedroom after a certain hour at night. Other than those situations, where the tech is interfering with family relationships, I think teens need to learn to self regulate, and they’re old enough to be partners with you in deciding on limits and how to implement them. Rules always work better when there’s buy-in from the kids, especially when they’re older. There are great models on how to have those discussions in _The Explosive Child_ by Ross Greene, which is worth a read even when your child isn’t remotely explosive or even much of a child anymore, because it really covers great ways to communicate with others both when they’re reactive and when they’re not so you avoid reactivity.


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

  9. #9
    almostmom is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I feel like I could have written this. So hard to manage it in our house. THey are very busy with activities, and by 9:00 the devices need to be plugged in downstairs. I also have said no watching shows in the morning before school... but that's about all I've done successfully. My kids do love to read, so they do that a lot too. But not as much as they spend on screens... and winter will be worse, as they used to go out and play lots of basketball when I told them to get off their screens!
    Liz

    DS 11/03
    DD 12/05

  10. #10
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    hillview is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    10 & 12 here. 12 year old does not use his iphone at all (like it's in a drawer). the kids are allowed screen times as a break but they manage their time well (10 minute break between homework assignments). homework is a priority. No devices at meal times (rare exceptions on weekends at breakfast or lunch). They don't text with anyone so that isn't a factor. They watch YouTube. Devices are not allowed in bedrooms period. All in all it seems fine at this stage.
    DS #1 Summer 05
    DS #2 Summer 07

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