DS doesn't like school

[petesgirl]

What can I do about this? DS started 1st grade this year and the first month was fine but things have slowly degraded. He says school is boring and he would rather stay home and do homeschool (I wish I was the right kind of mom to do homeschool but I'm just not. I tried getting DS to work on math and reading over the summer for just 5 minutes a day and it was a total battle of wills. I think it would be a disaster). This morning he was dragging his feet and complaining about school again.
I don't think he is having bullying problems - I've asked him if kids ever do or say mean things to him and he says no. He has plenty of friends and plays with a lot of different kids at recess.
He is doing well academically and hitting slightly above average in every subject. He has a really good teacher-at least she comes highly recommended from other parents in the school. I like her and can tell that she loves teaching and loves her kids, but she is a quieter, more reserved lady than his K teacher and I wonder if he does find her teaching methods boring. But I don't think I can/should ask for a teacher change based on that alone! I started volunteering in the class recently so I will be able to get a better grasp on the classroom dynamics and that may help me figure things out more.
One thing I wonder about is that his principal (and thus all of the staff) has put a big emphasis on doing your best this year. His handwriting on worksheets looks great but he says it takes him a long time to finish and he has come home upset a few times because he didn't feel like he did his best work that day.
I really want school to be a place he enjoys (or at least doesn't mind!)--any advice on what I should be doing/saying?

[mnj77]

That's a tough one! Is he prone to negativity in general? Are there parts of school he enjoys, like recess or PE? DD has had years like this too - the novelty wears off just like it does with any daily grind. She has enjoyed school more in 4th and 5th grade - they've gotten to more interesting topics and there has been less rote learning and more self- or group-directed exploration. I guess I would try to tease out what specifically is grating on him and see if he can think of any adjustments that would help. Sounds like the teacher might be open to feedback!

[PZMommy]

First grade is a tough year. It is a big change from kindergarten. It is much more academic, and less time for centers and play time. I don’t think I would ask for a change of teacher though. I think it is just general settling into the routine of first grade.

[petesgirl]

First grade is a tough year. It is a big change from kindergarten. It is much more academic, and less time for centers and play time. I don’t think I would ask for a change of teacher though. I think it is just general settling into the routine of first grade.

I do think it's partly this as well!
And mnj77 - - - thanks for the reminder to talk to his teacher about it! I was thinking of emailing her to see how he acts in school.

[Kindra178]

I think it’s really normal for boys not to like school. It’s pretty much set up for girls to be successful, not boys. I also think boys complain about not liking school, but if you observed, he would be fine. Observe a recess if you can, on the sly. So just because they complain doesn’t mean they are miserable every second of the day.

All three of mine don’t prefer school. They would be equally happy at home. I was the exact opposite.


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[DualvansMommy]

I think it’s really normal for boys not to like school. It’s pretty much set up for girls to be successful, not boys. I also think boys complain about not liking school, but if you observed, he would be fine. Observe a recess if you can, on the sly. So just because they complain doesn’t mean they are miserable every second of the day.

All three of mine don’t prefer school. They would be equally happy at home. I was the exact opposite.


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That was DS1 towards end of September once novelty of starting school wore off. He would complain 2x how school was soooooo long and not enough recess. I volunteered as one of moms helpers out in lunch room and saw that he wasn’t complaining as much.

Now nearing the end of first term, he really settled in and doesn’t whine about how he rather to stay home, or not enough recess. He’s just used to school as part of his life now, coupled with more play dates on weekends helped his balance with school and fun time.


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[KpbS]

It sounds like he needs good buddy to look forward to playing with at recess. Does he enjoy PE? Art? We homeschool, but one of mine always loved recess and specials and friends when in school. Those helped him get through the slower, sitting, parts of school.

[theriviera]

First grade is a tough year. It is a big change from kindergarten. It is much more academic, and less time for centers and play time. I don’t think I would ask for a change of teacher though. I think it is just general settling into the routine of first grade.

I agree with this. It was hard for dd1 and my normally easy going dd2 never wants to go. She had half day kinder and feels the day is too long. She has a wonderful teacher and a great class, but she hasn’t developed the stamina for it yet.

Hang in there mama!


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[petesgirl]

Well he came home yesterday all excited because he was chosen to be teacher's helper this week! Bummer that the week only has 2 days in it-- ha ha!

[123LuckyMom]

I absolutely disagree that this has ANYTHING to do with gender (in my house, for example, it's my son who adores school and my daughter who's sometimes luke warm), but I do think it may be the transition to first grade where the school activities are more academically oriented and less fun, or that he's legitimately bored because the work is not challenging enough for him. I would definitely let the teacher know this is going on and enlist her as your partner in trying to figure out what you both might do in your different arenas to help the situation. You can mention the handwriting situation, and also the "do your best" issue. "Do your best" can be paralyzing for kids with even a low level of anxiety, because how do you know if it's really your very, very best? It sets kids up, if they're rule followers, perfectionists, or have anxiety issues, always to feel they've fallen short and failed in some way so that even the highest achievers feel inadequate. It can create a tremendous amount of angst, and I don't say it to my kids. I tell them to do good work and make sure they don't waste their time. Seeking perfection is often a waste of time and an enormous waste of energy. Seeking to do well without fuss and distress is a better goal, to my mind. In any case, it's worth telling the teacher what's going on and seeing if she has some ideas to suggest. At the very least, she'll know to be watching to see whether your son might need some additional challenge or to see what interests him and try to incorporate that element into more of his work.