Managing your own sadness while parenting is hard.

[wendibird22]

We put down our dog this past Friday and it sucks. Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks. I just so so sad and I spent all weekend feeling sad/depressed/miserable. DH was sad for like a hot second, and has moved on or at least successfully managed to shove his feels into some recess of his heart/mind. The kids are mostly fine and just get sad in the quiet moments when they aren't distracted by playing, reading, watching TV. But I just feel stuck. And I feel lonely in my sadness because I'm the only one stuck. And I feel bad that the kids know how sad I am and comment, "You just seem so sad." Their feeling bad for me just makes me feel guilty on top of feeling sad. If I were a single person, or a person without children, I'd be content to stay in my PJs and curl up on the couch and sob. It's hard managing my own feelings and grief, and being a good role model of owning and allowing your feelings, while also trying to be a good parent and help my own kids work through their own feelings.

For all of you who have lost a human loved one, my heart goes out to you. I don't know how you have grieved such loss and parented.

[hillview]

It is SO hard. My father died just over a year ago and I feel stuck and sad and alone and unable to share how sad it makes me with DH or the kids. I mainly allowed myself to feel sad at times when I could be alone or at night in bed. I do think it is reasonable to share how sad you are with DH even if he isn't in the same place as you are -- it is part of the whole marriage thing. At some point you may feel like creating a memorial or marker for your pup so you can all remember him. HUGS

[Percycat]

I am very sorry to hear about your dog. Personally, I think it is healthy for you to have your emotions and for your children to see your emotions. We all deal with grief differently and sadness is a perfectly normal response. Last January, our cat of 18 years died. It affected us all in different ways. My daughter and I were the most visibly sad and withdrawn; my husband was stoic; and my son was matter-of-fact. I think it was healthy for my children -- who were a little older 11 and 13 -- to see that we all responded differently. Be good to your self and give yourself the time you need.

[khalloc]

I hear ya! Honestly, I dont really hide my sadness from my kids. They are older though (9 & 12) so if I am sad I just tell them that I am and they are pretty sweet about it. We lost our black lab a few years ago and we knew for months that we were going to have to put him to sleep. He had oral melanoma, so it was really sad seeing him every day and knowing he was going to die soon. That was awful for me. I did much better once we put him to sleep finally. It was the right choice because his mouth was bleeding, he was often coughing and I knew his cancer was aggressive and uncurable. He probably had tumors that we didnt know about.

This might sound bad, but one thing that really helped me was that I decided to get a puppy and I had one in the works once I found out about our dog's cancer. So when I was sad for our dog (he was 12.5), I was also excited about a new puppy. I felt bad about "replacing" him, but she really helped us to heal.

[Pear]

It is so much harder than when you can grieve solo. I have felt almost trapped because I just want to cry and then watch old movies while eating junk food. When I could do that it was so much easier to get past those worst stages of grieving.

[wendibird22]

I hear ya! Honestly, I dont really hide my sadness from my kids. They are older though (9 & 12) so if I am sad I just tell them that I am and they are pretty sweet about it. We lost our black lab a few years ago and we knew for months that we were going to have to put him to sleep. He had oral melanoma, so it was really sad seeing him every day and knowing he was going to die soon. That was awful for me. I did much better once we put him to sleep finally. It was the right choice because his mouth was bleeding, he was often coughing and I knew his cancer was aggressive and uncurable. He probably had tumors that we didnt know about.

This might sound bad, but one thing that really helped me was that I decided to get a puppy and I had one in the works once I found out about our dog's cancer. So when I was sad for our dog (he was 12.5), I was also excited about a new puppy. I felt bad about "replacing" him, but she really helped us to heal.

I told DH that I can see now why people get a puppy either when their other dog gets elderly or right after loosing their dog. Having another furry face to snuggle would probably be so healing. Sadly, I don't think we will get another. DH has said all along we are a 1 dog family. Our kids are 8 and 10 and life is getting more and more hectic making it hard to be home enough for a dog. Not having one will free us a bit for family vacations and such without having to worry about pet care. I think some of my grieving is also grieving that he was our one and only...its losing him AND the end of having a pet.

[wendibird22]

It is SO hard. My father died just over a year ago and I feel stuck and sad and alone and unable to share how sad it makes me with DH or the kids. I mainly allowed myself to feel sad at times when I could be alone or at night in bed. I do think it is reasonable to share how sad you are with DH even if he isn't in the same place as you are -- it is part of the whole marriage thing. At some point you may feel like creating a memorial or marker for your pup so you can all remember him. HUGS

Hugs to you. Lots of crying in the shower, the bathroom, or just walking away, for sure. I have spoken to DH and he knows and understands, but also doesn't know how to help...heck I don't know how to help me.

[123LuckyMom]

I’m so sorry! I let the kids see my feelings without guilt. I want to model to them that feelings just are. They’re nothing to be ashamed of. But I also try to model being curious about my feelings rather than getting totally mired in them. Of course you’re sad! It’s worth paying attention to the stories your sadness is telling you, though. Are the stories that you will never have another furry friend or will never experience that kind of unconditional love again? Whatever those stories are, they’re not necessarily true. Think about rewriting the stories you may be telling yourself and sharing that with your kids. Guilt isn’t helpful, but examining why you’re stuck or acknowledging that you are and that you’re trying to figure out how to get unstuck can be helpful both to you and them. And when you need to really sob, the shower’s great for that. Hugs to you! It’s really hard!


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

[JustMe]

Sorry about your dog! I can sympathize with how you feel. Its just me and the 2 kids and when our cat died, I was the most effected. We have another cat who the kids are really bonded with, but the one who died was really a "mama's girl", was somewhat scared of the kids, and just loved to be with me. I cried so much. I do believe it is important for kids to know we have feelings too, but there was a lot of crying on my part! Ds felt powerless to make me feel better and wanted to fix things, so he got mad at me for being so sad.

Anyway in general, I agree with the others that it is good for the kids to see that you have feelings, that you can be sad and be okay, etc.

Hang in there!

[niccig]

We’re we all very upset after we put our dog to sleep. I was the most prepared as I took her to the vet, DH was in denial our time with her was limited. We got another dog a week later. He didn’t replace our Maggie Moo but he helped us accept our loss and the house wasn’t empty anymore. We now have a cat too. Let the kids see you are upset, it’s ok for them to know you’re sad and missing your fur baby.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains