Managing your own sadness while parenting is hard.

[Indianamom2]

I know how hard that is and I am sorry. I think it’s ok for your kids to see your sadness, fwiw. That’s hard for me, but it’s healthy.

I know you said that you probably won’t get another dog...what about a cat? It might help fill a hole and they are just fine for a quick weekend trip or to have a neighbor come over and feed once a day.

[mackmama]

Your post really struck me, OP. I appreciate you posting it because a parent's grief and wanting to shield it from our kids - while also needing our personal space to grieve - so often goes untalked about. I'm very sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. Especially hard when you are feeling it on a different level than the other members of your household. I also think it's ok to share sadness with your kids and let them see you grieve... but I also know that's not always desired since then the moment can become about their mourning process or managing their emotions. It's okay to need moments where you are immersed in your own grief without taking care of others.

Take your needed space. It's ok to tell your kids that you need some quiet time and are feeling sad about your dog. Then go take a shower or bath for a good cry. Try some walks or hikes while kids are in school. Grief hits at odd times, and that's ok too. The waves will come and go (at the darnedest times). The grocery store is often a whopper for me. I'll be cruising the aisles, a song comes on, and whammo I'm a puddle swallowing rapidly trying not to break down by the boxed jello.

I wonder if it might be helpful for you to pick a private spot in your yard where you could spread some of his ashes, if you're ready, or if you'd want to have a piece of cremation jewelry made with some of his ashes. Thinking about you.

[wendibird22]

Thank you all for your wonderful thoughts and suggestions. Today is better than the day before and so on. I think the hardest part is that I don't want my sadness to make the kids unduly sad...I don't want to be a "bad" influence if that makes sense. DD2 is basically fine despite the dog being her best friend (in her words). DD1 came to me last night crying and saying she missed him and that home doesn't feel like home anymore. And I'm fine with the way both are dealing...everyone's grief will be different. I just don't want DH, or others, to think that I'm making DD1 sad or that I'm keeping her from moving on. I think DH's approach is that if we act happy and focus on happy things and keep busy then the kids won't be sad. He wishes to just keep them distracted. And that totally works in the moment. But obviously they can't be busy 24-7 and neither can I. I don't always want to play a game or read a story or do a craft. Sometimes I just want to sit and brood and be pissy and sad. But parenting doesn't really allow for that does it?!

We have a few great pictures of him around the house and on my phone and we hung a picture ornament of him on our tree. I'm not looking forward to receiving his ashes, though it will be nice to give him a home in our yard in the spring (too frozen now!). I think I assumed that there would be some relief or benefit that would come from no longer having a pet to be responsible for. After having to be home to feed him, let him out to go to the bathroom, not being able to take overnight trips as easily, etc for 11.5yrs, I guess I expected that the one bright spot would be a new freedom we haven't had since before we had kids. Instead I just feel like a part of my life is missing. Maybe that will wear off in time.