Thank you all for your wonderful thoughts and suggestions. Today is better than the day before and so on. I think the hardest part is that I don't want my sadness to make the kids unduly sad...I don't want to be a "bad" influence if that makes sense. DD2 is basically fine despite the dog being her best friend (in her words). DD1 came to me last night crying and saying she missed him and that home doesn't feel like home anymore. And I'm fine with the way both are dealing...everyone's grief will be different. I just don't want DH, or others, to think that I'm making DD1 sad or that I'm keeping her from moving on. I think DH's approach is that if we act happy and focus on happy things and keep busy then the kids won't be sad. He wishes to just keep them distracted. And that totally works in the moment. But obviously they can't be busy 24-7 and neither can I. I don't always want to play a game or read a story or do a craft. Sometimes I just want to sit and brood and be pissy and sad. But parenting doesn't really allow for that does it?!
We have a few great pictures of him around the house and on my phone and we hung a picture ornament of him on our tree. I'm not looking forward to receiving his ashes, though it will be nice to give him a home in our yard in the spring (too frozen now!). I think I assumed that there would be some relief or benefit that would come from no longer having a pet to be responsible for. After having to be home to feed him, let him out to go to the bathroom, not being able to take overnight trips as easily, etc for 11.5yrs, I guess I expected that the one bright spot would be a new freedom we haven't had since before we had kids. Instead I just feel like a part of my life is missing. Maybe that will wear off in time.
Mom to two amazing DDs ('07 & '09) and a fur baby.
Gluten free since Nov '11 after non-celiac gluten sensitive diagnosis. Have had great improvement or total elimination of: migraines, bloating/distention, heartburn, cystic acne, canker sores, bleeding gums, eczema on elbows, dry skin and scalp, muscle cramps, PMS, hair loss, heart palpitations, fatigue. I'm amazed.