Sick of being the one who does stuff

[hillview]

Thanks all. All three of them have low exec function. DS1 has 7% processing speed. I am the opposite of both of these. And while I intellectually know all this it makes me insane. They do help when asked it is just like molasses. They are also the most unobservant people.

[niccig]

Ugh, sorry. I get it is annoying. I can understand the executive functioning does impact them, but there could also be learned helplessness as they’re used to you doing things. I let DH and now DS take care of electronics even though I’m capable of doing it.

I need to teach DS some life skills too. I noticed over winter break I was more patient and more willing to teach him how to cook a couple of recipes as there wasn’t a rush to get it done quickly. During school year, there’s always so much homework and other activities plus my work that it’s just easier and quicker for me to do it. I also need to be more consistent with requiring him to do certain chores, but I forget to remind him and it doesn’t get done. I’m enabling the helplessness.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

[SnuggleBuggles]

You just come hang out with me. I'll buy you a drink. I've got no advice just commiseration. And this video. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-_kXIGvB1uU


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

🤣


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[hillview]

Ugh, sorry. I get it is annoying. I can understand the executive functioning does impact them, but there could also be learned helplessness as they’re used to you doing things. I let DH and now DS take care of electronics even though I’m capable of doing it.

I need to teach DS some life skills too. I noticed over winter break I was more patient and more willing to teach him how to cook a couple of recipes as there wasn’t a rush to get it done quickly. During school year, there’s always so much homework and other activities plus my work that it’s just easier and quicker for me to do it. I also need to be more consistent with requiring him to do certain chores, but I forget to remind him and it doesn’t get done. I’m enabling the helplessness.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

yeah I am sure I do some enabling. Most often it is me wanting to just get it done. I laid down the law today — people need to get doing stuff and learning new skills. Let’s see.

[bisous]

yeah I am sure I do some enabling. Most often it is me wanting to just get it done. I laid down the law today — people need to get doing stuff and learning new skills. Let’s see.

I can so relate to much of your post, including the issues with executive function and especially the sentiment of just wanting to get it done!

[hellokitty]

It has worked. Of course, I have had to lower my standards a bit. My husband previously wasn't that involved in the kids doing their homework or picking up after themselves. He is usually home before I am, so it has fallen onto him, and it's made him more aware. It's definitely not perfect, but there have been times he's been so annoyed with clutter, he has nagged the kids and tackled it... previous to me trying this, he NEVER felt any motivation or obligation to lift a finger. However, like I said, you have to be willing to let it go... and I know for some people that is going to be a big struggle. I have another friend whose solution when she went PT (and her husband was off on the days she had to work), that it was all on him. She lets him figure it out, lets him plan the meals, everything... it was the only way he was able to get on board enough to know what to do, as if he was the primary parent. My husband isn't quite there, but a lot closer than before, esp since my job has required overnight travel and he has had to be primary parent on his own a few times a year. He hates it, but it forces him to know/learn how to do things.

[essnce629]

I can relate! There was an article going around Facebook not too long ago that explains your feelings perfectly. I'll try and find it.

Sent from my SM-J700P using Tapatalk

[essnce629]

Here it is:

Women Aren't Nags-- We're Just Fed Up
http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture...nder-equality/

Sent from my SM-J700P using Tapatalk

[essnce629]

My DH is similar and I totally blame his parents, who never required him to lift a finger in his life. Only school mattered to them. I'm trying to raise my sons differently. They definitely notice that DH doesn't know how to do much. If a light bulb is blown out for instance, my DH would never notice. And if he did notice he'd never do anything about it. We've been together for 15 years and I've never seen him change a blown out light bulb. On the weekends he takes over morning duty, while I sleep in, and believes that feeding the kids breakfast and loading and unloading the dishes is all that is required of taking care of a home. He doesn't notice that the cabinets are covered with food splatters and need a deep clean, that the utensil drawer is full of crumbs, that the garage fridge is filthy, or that the empty suitcase from our Seattle trip has been sitting by the door for 6 days to be returned to the garage. If I tell him to attend to one of these items, he may, but it's annoying that he doesn't notice on her own. When my mom comes to visit she notices all these things on her own and immediately jumps into action (I'll get up in the morning and she'll tell me how she cleaned out all the drawers, folded all the laundry, etc). The curtain rod in our master bedroom ripped out of the wall about 18 months ago. I patched the hole myself, but never hung the rod back up because I've installed every single curtain rod or blinds in the entire house all by myself and didn't want to deal with it. It bothers me every single day, but apparently not DH because the curtain rod has sat on the floor of our bedroom for 18 months now and our room is super bright because we no longer have blackout curtains on that window! I've told him how much it bothers me and how I'd love for him to fix it, but nothing has changed.

Sent from my SM-J700P using Tapatalk

[hillview]

My DH is similar and I totally blame his parents, who never required him to lift a finger in his life. Only school mattered to them. I'm trying to raise my sons differently. They definitely notice that DH doesn't know how to do much. If a light bulb is blown out for instance, my DH would never notice. And if he did notice he'd never do anything about it. We've been together for 15 years and I've never seen him change a blown out light bulb. On the weekends he takes over morning duty, while I sleep in, and believes that feeding the kids breakfast and loading and unloading the dishes is all that is required of taking care of a home. He doesn't notice that the cabinets are covered with food splatters and need a deep clean, that the utensil drawer is full of crumbs, that the garage fridge is filthy, or that the empty suitcase from our Seattle trip has been sitting by the door for 6 days to be returned to the garage. If I tell him to attend to one of these items, he may, but it's annoying that he doesn't notice on her own. When my mom comes to visit she notices all these things on her own and immediately jumps into action (I'll get up in the morning and she'll tell me how she cleaned out all the drawers, folded all the laundry, etc). The curtain rod in our master bedroom ripped out of the wall about 18 months ago. I patched the hole myself, but never hung the rod back up because I've installed every single curtain rod or blinds in the entire house all by myself and didn't want to deal with it. It bothers me every single day, but apparently not DH because the curtain rod has sat on the floor of our bedroom for 18 months now and our room is super bright because we no longer have blackout curtains on that window! I've told him how much it bothers me and how I'd love for him to fix it, but nothing has changed.

Sent from my SM-J700P using Tapatalk

This is my dh. He changed his first light bulb this year after 15 years together. It makes me crazy.