Ok, so if you asked me 2 weeks ago if I had anxiety, I'd tell you no. I would secretly think about a few weird things that make me panicky, but since I am always able to logically think my way out of my panic, I didn't count it as anything "real". Well, a week ago a friend took the time to tell me her full story/journey w/ anxiety. And I was floored. Because she was basically describing me. ALL these things in her life that she tied to anxiety were things I would never have recognized (in myself) as anxiety issues. It made me realize that maybe what I've felt is just normal or maybe "stressed out mom" is not at all normal actually.

I did go to my doctor the next day. It was for an appointment related to something else but I forced myself to say something to her about anxiety to get it out there. She took it super seriously, talked to me some, and I'm going back to see her this week for an appointment just about that. I also talked to my DH about it and he had no clue, because I've been hiding it from him (not at all on purpose, but because I wasn't giving credence to the feelings myself, I certainly wasn't talking about them). He was kind of shocked at first and felt bad he hadn't noticed, but is super supportive now.

Anyhow -- since I had this conversation w/ my friend and my husband and then the doctor, I actually feel like everything is worse/harder. It's like I was just ignoring all this stuff (or being panicky about it, but then having the uber logical side of me force it all down because I didn't want to look/seem ridiculous), but now that I'm recognizing that maybe it's not normal at all and trying NOT to force it down/keep it hidden, it's worse!

Obviously, that's why I'm getting help and going back to my doc this week. But it just feels so weird to me that trying to get help is actually making me go way the other direction right now. Has anyone else experienced anything like that? I guess a small part of me is wondering if I'm just taking my friend's experience and trying to "find excuses" for the stress in my life or things I can't handle well, or if it's really real (having anxiety), and I was just hiding it so effectively even from myself I didn't realize it until someone pushed me to realize it (because I'm pretty sure she shared her story b/c she recognized we might have some similar characteristics).

I'm also curious for those that have dealt with it -- did you jump to meds right away? Or do other things? My doc basically said she'll support my choice but that it's often most effective to start w/ meds then work on other things (cbt, biofeedback, other things) after that, because the non-med things take way longer to work. I'm a pretty anti-med person but everything else requires multiple appointments and I definitely have major anxiety about scheduling appointments right now (due to how absolutely complicated it is due to schedules and coupled with a very clingy, hard to leave toddler) so I think I need something else that is more reliable to start with. I also feel like I'm getting worse quickly and know things like CBT take awhile to get the hang of.