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  1. #11
    KrisM is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by petesgirl View Post
    I realize this is judgey of me, but...just no. Cant the parents be in charge and take away the electronic devices or something??
    I agree. That would not fly here.
    Kris

  2. #12
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    I have no experience with a teen boy yet, so no frame of reference regarding whether itís normal or a sign of depression. But based on what experts have to say about virtual reality, I would be concerned it can spiral downward into depression and isolation. Also, Iíd say having a passion or hobby is something that would come in handy later in life too even just as a stress buster, so Iíd be inclined to restrict video/screen time and encourage him to pick one/two interests and pursue it.


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  3. #13
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    I think to start off; restricting some screen time may be a good idea. Insist your kid find a club, sport or regular activity to join. You can help him find one, and it may be painful to go through the steps, but I think itís a very good idea for kids but especially teens to have a good friend, set of a group to hang out. You didnít indicate whether he has a friend he can lean on or a group of friends?




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  4. #14
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    This sounds like my DS exactly. He just turned 14. We could never get him into sports. When the weekend hits he logs on and plays games while talking with his friends (mostly from school). We don't normally allow video games during the school week. I think if we didn't make him shut down from time to time he'd play straight through the weekend. I do feel like it is an addiction which is why we make him shut down from time to time even if it's just to go on a walk as a family. It is a bit of a debate in my head because at least he is talking to his friends from school as well as friends that moved away recently. It just boggles my mind that they rarely feel the need to hang out in person. When they do, it's usually because one of us parents pushes it. The summer becomes more difficult because then he thinks he can play from sun up to sun down. I will probably have him do volunteer work this summer as well as online computer classes. He also does a week at summer camp with no electronics. We do make him stay in his martial arts class twice a week. He complains about going but he likes it when he is there. He does escrima sticks, bujutsu, and self defense with a lot of boxing. This summer they will be able to do archery again also. It's not your typical martial arts class. He also doesn't want to do band next year in high school. I told him that was fine, but he'll have to pick another instrument for music lessons. I think he'll start guitar this summer. Playing while on vacation is a hard no here. He pulled out his phone while we were in Florida and started playing. We took it away so he could look around and be present. He got it back at night when we were in the hotel room. I guess all this to say that I do think it is typical, but maybe try to find a balance. He may complain, but work with him to find an activity he can tolerate. I really do feel like video games can become an addiction.

    You're definitely not alone.

    Barb

  5. #15
    lcarlson90 is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    For those of you who have asked about friends...he does have about 3 friends that he hangs out with at school but I wouldn't call any of them a "best friend". He doesn't really hang out with them outside of school but he does talk to them on-line while playing x-box. He is on meds for ADHD and I feel like he is kind of withdrawn when he is on his meds. On the weekend when he doesn't take them he is more friendly and talkative.
    Gavin 7.30.08
    Dylan 2.24.05

  6. #16
    mom2binsd is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I would say it's important that he have friends that he actually sees out of school, not just play online with. Those face to face social interactions are so important.

    I would really try to see if you can't foster some in person contact with the other kids, either have them over, get them to go bike riding, go to a skatepark, hang out at your house.

    It makes me wonder what these kids who just play video games without having regular friendships are missing out on.

    So, to be honest, I would be a little worried and work on seeing how you can get him engaged in socializing with peers. Does he/has he been invited to birthday parties in the past. I realize that at 14 they don't do these as much, but I know DD's male friends still hang out with their buddies and go to movies etc.

    I am grateful that my kids are very outgoing, have many friends and spend a lot of time away from screens playing outside, exploring, biking to a fishing pond, cooking (DD and her friends love to cook) etc.

    I think it's awesome that you are giving this a lot of thought, and hope you can come up with some ideas from this thread.

  7. #17
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Default Lack of hobbies/interests

    My ds1 used to have his friends over a bunch and theyíd all bring their gaming consoles and monitors so they could play together. Have him invite his friends over. Ds1ís crew back at that age was all about sleepovers. They had a blast!

    ETA- mom2binsd, Iím not as worried as thereís a good chance plenty of face to face socializing happens at school. I think itís ok for friendships to be connected through playing video games together- theyíre just as real as kids who go out and do sports together. Iíve listened in (hard to avoid) to ds1ís end of conversations during game play and itís exactly what my friends and I did on the phone every night growing up. Even more social though as the whole group is chatting at once.

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    Last edited by SnuggleBuggles; 04-22-2018 at 11:19 PM.

  8. #18
    JustMe is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    It is hard to know if it is depression or normal teen boy behavior. My ds is 12. He does club soccer and track; so very busy and very active--when he is doing those things. At home, he is very good about getting his homework done. However, when he is not doing one of those 3 things...he wants to be playing video games. It is a battle here because I do restrict (or try to ) and it is surprising how many parents don't restrict. All that to say, many tween/teen boys are spending much of their free time playing video games or maybe even watching youtube too.

    On the other hand, loss of interest in activities that are usually pleasurable to that person is one sign of depression. How is his mood? Any change in appetite or weight that would be unusual? Any sleep problems? I would also ask how his self-esteem is, but most teenagers don't have great self-esteem. Does he seem to enjoy himself when you do a fun family activity/outing?

    I am wondering if there is anything that can be done about him being more withdrawn/less friendly when he is on his medication. What does he say about this? I wonder what he is experiencing that changes his behavior in this way.
    Last edited by JustMe; 04-23-2018 at 01:27 AM.
    lucky single mommy to almost 16 yr old dd and almost 13 yr old ds through 2 very different adoption routes

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