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  1. #11
    Join Date
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    Absolutely must have an advance directive!!!!!!
    Mom to:
    DS '02
    DD '05
    Simon--the King Charles cutie
    RIP Andy, the furry first child, 1996-2012

    "The task of any religion is not to tell us who we are entitled to hate but to teach us who we are required to love."

  2. #12
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by NCGrandma View Post
    I canít really imagine the surgeon's office recommending that a post-op patient who lives alone and has no family members who can help would be better off discharged to home instead of to a rehab facility. Either your father misrepresented his situation or at least was over-optimistic about you and your siblings' ability to help. This really underscores the need for someone to be named health care POA as soon as possible and talk directly with the surgeon.
    Yeah, me either, but knowing Dad, well ... he's likely put a positive spin on things that his adult children live "nearby."

    My brother Ger & SIL provided Dad with a place to live rent-free for almost a year after his now ex-wife kicked him out. They are DONE. (Even if they weren't, SIL works for the Red Cross and may be deployed for post-hurricane communication if anything hits Puerto Rico again. She was deployed last year after Maria.)

    Re: who should be POA: many people in health care recommend that, when there are several possibilities, it should be a person who can communicate clearly and hopefully can keep her head in a potentially emotional and stressful situation. If thatís you, great, but no preference is necessarily given to the oldest sibling. Depends on family dynamics.

    Also, depending on the setting for the surgery (hospital, outpatient surgery facility etc), itís common that the facility requires or strongly encourages a pre-op patient to have an advance directive that spells out what interventions he does or does not want in various situations. If thatís true in this case, itís important for you to be familiar with what he has said.
    So, basically someone to harass the doctor (in a firm but pleasant fashion) to give background and so on?

    That's me. Even if I have to use notes (and I likely will), it's me. My sister can't, and she's much more likely to be steamrolled.

    The surgery will take place at a hospital; I'll ask about the advance directive and healthcare POA on Thursday when I go up to help unpack.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  3. #13
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default Mini update #1

    So, I went up to Dad's last week to help with more unpacking and the step into his apartment isn't too bad. He can get in and out with his cane (which he had to have PT sessions to use) without moving his hip, so I feel a little better about the surgery.

    That he's had his bed-frame set up (thanks to my brother Joe) makes me feel a little easier in mind as well.

    We made pretty good progress unloading a bunch of stuff and freeing up a couple of his Rubbermaid tubs before I had to bail to pick DD up at the bus stop. There's still a lot of stuff, including his Silver Age comic book collection, to go through and maybe re-bin before he's 100% unpacked.

    Before I left, I wrote out a checklist of things he needed to do before surgery day, including obtaining a union withdrawal card (or whatever) from his union so he wasn't slammed with back-dues while recovering, and the advance directive, POA, and living will documentation, which he can't print yet because he hasn't had the room to set up his computer due to all the boxes in his dining area.

    So, this week I am planning to consult with my elder and healthcare law former colleagues for help finding general forms to print & send him to be signed & notarized (if necessary) and placed in the accordion file with his life insurance policy.

    He has pre-admission testing and a doc's appointment at the end of this week; I have tentative plans to help him with more unpacking this weekend, if I can get DH to agree. (DD can come up with me; Dad has cable, so she should be able to keep herself amused for a little while.)

    The actual surgery is in 2 weeks.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  4. #14
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default Mini-Update #2

    Spent most of Saturday with Dad (DD in tow), finishing up the sorting of the last few non-comic book bins Dad had around his apartment.

    Now that it's not totally covered by boxes and bins, I feel a little better about him recovering at home, though I'm still nervous about the follow-up care, but he does have a nurse and PT set to come in and his apartment's clean, so that'll probably work out better than I'm worried it will.

    We also took him to IKEA to get a dinette set, which my brother Joe assembled yesterday.

    I'm hoping to head up this coming Sunday to do some batch-cooking for the freezer. (I will need Weight Watchers-friendly meals, though, as he's following the SmartPoints plan.) I think I'll also take him to get some paper plates & plastic utensils so he won't be standing to wash dishes.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  5. #15
    mom2binsd is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I know this might sound gross, but you should buy him a handheld urinal like they have in the hospital, if he has any difficulty getting around/out of a recliner or bed to pee the urinal will save him a lot of grief. You can find them online anywhere.

    Also, if he doesn't have any, buy him plenty of comfy lounge pants/pj bottoms, much more comfy for recovery than regular pants.

  6. #16
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom2binsd View Post
    I know this might sound gross, but you should buy him a handheld urinal like they have in the hospital, if he has any difficulty getting around/out of a recliner or bed to pee the urinal will save him a lot of grief. You can find them online anywhere.

    Also, if he doesn't have any, buy him plenty of comfy lounge pants/pj bottoms, much more comfy for recovery than regular pants.
    They'll have him up & about rather quickly, but that's a good suggestion. Nothing is too gross at this point.

    To be honest, I've been trying to convince him to get a raised toilet seat like my late grandfather had - the raised seat is much easier to lever yourself to sit on than standard-height toilets - and maybe a shower bench so he doesn't have to try & manage sponge baths at first.

    I'll take the lounge pants under advisement. (It may mean I get my brother Joe to chip in for those and we do laundry together at my house.)
    Last edited by lizzywednesday; 10-05-2018 at 03:01 PM.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  7. #17
    NCGrandma is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by lizzywednesday View Post
    They'll have him up & about rather quickly, but that's a good suggestion. Nothing is too gross at this point.

    To be honest, I've been trying to convince him to get a raised toilet seat like my late grandfather had - the raised seat is much easier to lever yourself to sit on than standard-height toilets - and maybe a shower bench so he doesn't have to try & manage sponge baths at first.

    I'll take the lounge pants under advisement. (It may mean I get my brother Joe to chip in for those and we do laundry together at my house.)
    Whether or not you get a raised toilet seat (which is a great idea), google "toilet safety rail" ó these are adjustable frames that fit over/around the toilet to provide something to hold onto while getting on/off the toilet. They should probably be available both locally at large chain drugstores or Walmart, or via Amazon. Even if this isnít needed for a long time, it can provide important stability immediately post-op.


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  8. #18
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by NCGrandma View Post
    Whether or not you get a raised toilet seat (which is a great idea), google "toilet safety rail" ó these are adjustable frames that fit over/around the toilet to provide something to hold onto while getting on/off the toilet. They should probably be available both locally at large chain drugstores or Walmart, or via Amazon. Even if this isnít needed for a long time, it can provide important stability immediately post-op.
    I've seen them; I'll have to check in with Dad about whether or not he's budgeted for something like that.

    If not, I'll have to get one for him prior to his discharge.
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

  9. #19
    Kestrel is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Wanted to let you know that we're thinking about you, and sending healing vibes your way!

  10. #20
    lizzywednesday is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kestrel View Post
    Wanted to let you know that we're thinking about you, and sending healing vibes your way!
    Thank you!

    Dad had his surgery this morning and it went well.

    He was a little punchy and seemed to be in recovery an exceptionally long time, but he was moved to a room around 2pm (Eastern), sitting up by 2:30 and back in bed around 5pm.

    I left around 7pm, after having assured myself Dad had eaten a solid meal and taken a pain pill (trying to convince him that inflammation and pain inhibit healing was hard, but I think the nurse and I managed to do it.)
    ==========================================
    Liz
    DD (3/2010)

    "Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle

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