Ugh, my dad just called to tell me that my mom tripped and fell this morning and broke the upper part of her humorous near her should and likely cracked a rib or two. She's 70 and overweight and just in good physical condition. She and my dad have been separated for over a decade and she lives alone in my family home (2 story house). She also suffers from depression, anxiety, and this has manifested with hoarding so she never has anyone over to the house and is even reluctant to have home repair people (like when her A/C went out this summer, or the cable guy) because she's embarrassed. So, anyways, I guess this happens at 7am, she gets a neighbor who is a widow to take her to urgent care and later I guess my dad steps in to take her to the ER or orthro or something. My mom has yet to call me and told my dad that she would and told him not to tell me. Yeah, gotta love that disfunction. So now I know, but I'm not supposed to know and my dad wants me to contact her just to say hi so that she'll tell me.

I love about 30mins away and I work in an exec job that is demanding and juggling two kids with evening sports. I also have a rescue dog that's a pit mix who is big and high energy. My inclination is to simply tell her she has to come stay with us while she heals, but the dog will be an issue for her being at our house all day while the rest of us are at work (DH and I both work FTOH) and the kids are at school. Or, I make her get a home health aid, which her insurance should cover, but she'll refuse because of her embarrassment over the state of her house.

To add to this, it was extremely hot here this weekend and she attended one of my daughter's outdoor sporting events and mom just about passed out in the heat after walking from her car up a steep hill to the event. Like I said, she's overweight, does no exercise, and wheezes and pants even across short distances. So, DH, FIL, my dad, and I are all at this event trying to offer her water, to go get her car, to drive her home, etc and she refuses, but then gets pissy at me for just not taking control and that "sometimes adult children just have to demand their parents do something because when you are old you don't want to admit you are old." And she was literally furious with me for letting my 75 yr old dad go get her car even though she had refused me and DH going to get it.

All this to say, that I knew the time was coming that I'd have to start doing the elder care thing for one or both of my parents. Lucky for my brother, he's 2hrs away so he escapes any accountability and it falls all to me. And I know I need to be kind and sympathetic and caring but the level of disfunction my mom has and between my mom and brother (he won't step in to help ever because she's been so horrible to him over the years) and between my mom and dad (she refuses to divorce him but then complains she gets nothing from him) is just emotionally exhausting and makes me not want to help either.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?