I can’t figure out what to do with my grief

[bisous]

We had a major news event with many casualties in the community touching mine. I don’t think I know anyone but I don’t know yet. I’m not an anxious person but I think I’m having anxiety from this. I tried to lie down for a nap today and my heart won’t stop racing. Now we have the early stages of a wildfire affecting areas where I know people. My sky is black and I’m worried and afraid. I can’t stop thinking about it all.

[Philly Mom]

Lots of hugs to you. That is a lot to process. I had that feeling after the synagogue shooting. We go to shabbat services and I know people who grew up at that synagogue so it hit close to home. I found myself crying a bunch and randomly. I just let myself feel it all. It was the only thing I could do. I have since been working towards positive things including showing up for Shabbat, helping my synagogue in fundraising causes, doing school board advocacy work, and then my normal job. Being very busy has helped. If I had more time, I would have gone running.

[123LuckyMom]

I’m so sorry! These are frightening times! I hope you can be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel your feelings. Philly Mom sets a great example of how to cope. Try both to practice self care and to get out and do something to help. The more involved you become in helping others and in working towards a better future, the less anxious and helpless you will feel. Love will cast out fear. Hugs to you! I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


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[wendibird22]

bisous I am so very sorry. I know a lot of my friends with marginalized identities are feeling like they are living in crisis mode. You are not alone. I think it's okay to be still in your grief for a bit. It's also okay to reach out to your PCP or counselor (if you have one) and ask for help. I have had friends who have been in a similar anxious state and found a low dose, short term, anti-anxiety med helped them through. And like philly-mom suggested, sometimes finding a way to get involved with helping your community can be a positive experience too. Hugs to you!

[sariana]

I'm so sorry. My husband forwarded me an email that an officer's retirement ceremony was canceled because he lost his son in the attack. I'm still trying to figure out if my husband actually knew the person (the father/officer). The son was Justin Meek. His sister was there also and survived.

My DD's soccer game was postponed because of wildfire smoke. Our area isn't threatened, but someone's home probably is a nearby county.

I can empathize with you; it's really hard.

[bisous]

Thank you everyone. It is so weird because my emotions are oddly stoic but my body is acting like it is in a crisis. I am just so full of energy and concern. I think maybe exercise might be what my body needs. To work out HARD. I know I'll be fine and I feel both gratitude and guilt for that.

Phillymom, I'm sorry you've gone through this recently too. It is all just so tragic.

Sariana, the names are all so familiar. I don't even know these people but I feel like I do. It isn't a huge community. My DS goes to school in the immediate area and almost everyone is touched by the tragedy in some way because they knew someone who was there or who was going to be there or who had just left. The fire makes us all feel uneasy.

I'll watch and see how I come through this whole thing. If I can't get it under control, I'll definitely talk to someone about it. I'm supposed to go to my bookclub tonight and I both really want to talk to my friends and also don't know if I want to leave my house. We'll see.

[Tenasparkl]

I can't believe there are fires too now after the horrible events last night. It's just too much for a community to have to face all at once. Sending you good wishes from down the 101

[georgiegirl]

I know! I went that bar a few times when I was home from college and grad school. And my Bat Mitzvah reception was across the street! It’s hard knowing NOTHING will ever be enough to prompt gun control. Nothing.

And the wildfires. My sister says she can see flames from her house. Many hugs to you.


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[MMMommy]

Bisous, big, big hugs here for you. I empathize. I felt so numb and in disbelief when my younger daughter’s best friend was killed in a car crash by a man high on cocaine. Every time I think of such senseless loss of life, it makes me very emotional. I feel like every time I read the news, it’s just the worst, stomach churning stories. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.

[Liziz]

We just went through something completely devastating in a similar way to what you're expressing -- something absolutely horrific and gut wrenching that just hits so, so, so close to home. I have never had such a strong reaction to a situation like that before. I felt like every single second I wasn't fully engaged in something else, it's all that was on my mind. I had physical, mental, emotional responses. I truly felt like I wasn't really all there, because so much of my mind was focused on the event and I couldn't get off it. I was considering whether I needed to go back to my psychologist (used to see someone regularly but haven't for awhile) for help processing it. Ultimately, I am okay now. But it was definitely a process. Like others said, I just let myself feel what I felt. My DH was similarly affected and we were able to talk to each other, which helped. I talked to friends, which helped. I kept going with my life, because being busy helped, and because if I let myself, I knew I'd just spiral into more and more unproductive sadness. I felt guilty sometimes going on with my life, when other people's lives were so dramatically and permanently altered for the worse. But, I also knew that allowing it to stop my life did nothing to improve the situation. For awhile it just seemed all present, but little by little, my mind was able to focus on other things again. I am doing much better now and it's not on my mind all the time anymore. But it just took time. I'm sharing just so you know you're not alone, it's totally normal to feel like this, and it is a process. Give yourself time. So very many hugs to you and your community.