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  1. #1
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Default When one family member’s engine runs at a different speed...

    Dh work from home, when the kids are on school break (otherwise he goes to an office). He sets his own schedule as he’s an entrepreneur. He is NOT the kind of person who can sit around and relax. He has ADHD and thrives on lots of activity and drama. It has been an unusually busy fall for our family. All the kids are in a lot of activities and I have taken on leading a group at church. I really think Dh has enjoyed the level of energy around here the last few months. Until this Christmas break. We haven’t planned any travel and many of their activities are on pause until school starts which has meant a nice, slow pace for all the rest of the family. We have cleaned out some closets, done some activities at home, and watched a lot of movies. But there has been this underlying current of tension and frustration with Dh. He’s snippy and short tempered. He makes it clear by turning the vacuum on at 9:30am outside our bedrooms that he doesn’t like us all sleeping in. He’s up making breakfast before anyone is awake. He’s constantly pushing us to do stuff that he thinks needs to be done (it doesn’t it). Its kinda ruining the boring relaxing vibe the rest of us are all enjoying for the first time in months. The only other activities the kids and I are doing are ones that we are desperately behind on like cleaning out closets and organizing and purging the house. The rainy and slushy weather here is perfect for that too. Apparently that is not how DH wants to spend his energy. I can see he’s trying to control his impatient attitude but would it be rude for me to tell him to go to work or get out or the house for a day? Or three?
    " I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi

    "This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.

  2. #2
    elbenn is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I don't think it's rude at all. I was going to suggest that until I read your last line and it seems like you are already there. It just sounds like he has a lot of energy to burn and he can go do that and come back to your house when he's ready to chill.

  3. #3
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    I turn into your dh. Send him out on errands. Getting out of the house is a must for my sanity. I’m happy chilling until I’m not. I know this about myself so mostly can keep from getting grouchy.


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  4. #4
    mikala is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    He needs a project. Maybe a woodworking project or home improvement? Or send him out on one on one kid dates for quality time that way. Trampoline park, climbing gym, ice skating, sledding, volunteering heavy labor at the food pantry, anything that will be quality time with a kid or two at a time so the others can chill out.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by gatorsmom View Post
    I can see he’s trying to control his impatient attitude but would it be rude for me to tell him to go to work or get out or the house for a day? Or three?

    Nope. Do it. Grew up with a workaholic just like this. He needs it probably as much as you do. It's miserable and not "quality time" when you're walking on eggshells.

  6. #6
    jgenie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I would be honest and tell him your brood wants to hang out and relax for the next few days. If he th8inks that will drive him nuts to watch, he should plan on going to the office to work. We’re opposites here. DH is into slow lazy days - kids and I are happy when we’re busy. I generally plan activities for the kids and I first thing in the morning. DH can meet us for lunch or see us at home for tea at three.

  7. #7
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    That would irate me to no end, so I’d feel no remorse in telling DH to go take a hike for a day or whole weekend even!

    Your kids are in teen and tweens category, so it’s the start of an era of sleeping in when they can. It is nice to do that at home without all that undercurrent vibe, and you can tell DH that it’ll likely be more in the future for your tribe. So might as well start getting used to the new changes growing kids mean for him.

    My oldest and I are alike in the sense that we’re happy to chill at home until we’re not. We know this about ourselves, so I tend to watch that in myself lest I take it out on others. There’s nothing bad for DH to want to stay busy, some people are just wired like that. But it isn’t cool he’s ruining it for everyone else who may desperately needs a break.


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    Mummy to DS1-6/11 and DS2-1/14

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