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  1. #1
    petesgirl is online now Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default Birthday party dilemma

    DS cane home from school on Wednesday SO excited because a boy in his class had said that DS might be invited to his birthday party. Party is on the 19th (next Sat.), at a bounce house, and I don't know this boy's parents at all. I also have not received an invitation. Given all that info I am 99% certain that DS is actually not invited. I mean, I'm sure they've already made a guest list and handed out invites. But DS has brought it up everyday since then and today he even wanted to go buy a gift. I had to tell him we can't do that without getting an invitation. He said he has given the boy my cell phone # twice.
    Ugh. I know some of you have posted about similar situations--what do I tell DS??? He isn't going to forget and he is going to very disappointed next Saturday. Worse, his best friend who is our next door neighbor has been friends with the birthday boy for longer than my DS has and I wouldn't be surprised if she is invited.
    Mama to :
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    "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it."
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  2. #2
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    nfceagles is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Oh, poor kid. That is hard. I think Iíd explain to him that as much as this boy wants him there it may not be possible for his family to invite him. That his parents may have made all the decisions about who to invite and they invited kids theyíve known longer, the family may only be able to have so many kids due to cost, the place may only have so many spots. But to focus on the fact that this little boy likes him and wishes he could come. That he isnít intentionally excluding your DS.


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  3. #3
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by nfceagles View Post
    Oh, poor kid. That is hard. I think Iíd explain to him that as much as this boy wants him there it may not be possible for his family to invite him. That his parents may have made all the decisions about who to invite and they invited kids theyíve known longer, the family may only be able to have so many kids due to cost, the place may only have so many spots. But to focus on the fact that this little boy likes him and wishes he could come. That he isnít intentionally excluding your DS.


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    Yes to all of this. Itís definitely disappointing but I think a gentle explanation is your best bet. It will happen again undoubtedly but itís a good life lessonóeven though itís no fun at all.

  4. #4
    petesgirl is online now Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I know it's a good life lesson, but we've had this conversation several times already--usually he isn't invited at all. This time he *feels* like he actually was.
    It's so hard to watch kids go through life's crap. DS has a lot of friends that he plays with at school, but none of them are the type of GOOD friends that you do stuff with after school. I need to set up more playdates but it's hard when I don't know the parents and so many of them work that a lot of the parents of his friends aren't even at school events ever.
    Mama to :
    DS1 (July 2011)
    DD (Feb 2014-June 2015)
    DS2 (Apr 2017)

    "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it."
    --Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)

  5. #5
    mackmama is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    This has happened to us from both sides. DC has been told an invite was coming that never came, and DC has also verbally invited kids to a party (not from school) without knowing the childís last name so there was no way for me to contact them.

    It is SO hard to see our children get hurt or be left out. I agree re handling it as others have suggested and likely as you have before. Iíd also plan something extra fun for your DS on that Saturday- maybe even saying you couldnít go to the party anyway because you forgot you had these really fun plans.

  6. #6
    infocrazy is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Are you sure there wasn't an invite? We opened an envelope gift under tree from our 6 yo from K and it was actually a party invite lol! Stuff happens...

    I would ask your neighbor if there is a party, if she can see guest list, or how the invite was sent. It might just be a mistake...
    Jen

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  7. #7
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by petesgirl View Post
    I know it's a good life lesson, but we've had this conversation several times already--usually he isn't invited at all. This time he *feels* like he actually was.
    It's so hard to watch kids go through life's crap. DS has a lot of friends that he plays with at school, but none of them are the type of GOOD friends that you do stuff with after school. I need to set up more playdates but it's hard when I don't know the parents and so many of them work that a lot of the parents of his friends aren't even at school events ever.
    Oh that definitely makes it harder. Iím sorry. Itís hard for us to set up play dates too. It isnít a huge priority in our family though I can certainly see why that would be good for my kids and my circumstances are different. Your DS will still find friends though it might not seem like that now.

    In the meantime is there something fun you can do on the day of the party? Can you still get a gift for the child? Would that make your DS feel better or worse?

  8. #8
    ♥ms.pacman♥ is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Sorry your DS is going thru this. Just another perspective - itís possible tHe kid really wants to invite your DS but parents havenít gotten act together re: invites

    My 9yo ds Party is on Sat 19th. Ds birthday is in the weird twilight zone between coming back after long break (school started on the 7th) and of course I donít have all my crap together. Ds birthday being 2 weeks after Xmas always sneaks up on me and has me scrambling to get invites out. DS gave me a list of 5 kids from school he wanted to invite saying that was it. On the 10th i gave DS out 8 (blank) invites to hand out at school )purposely gave extra) and then Friday night he told me he handed out all of them but there was one more kid from aftercare he wanted to invite but he didnít have enough invites. So I am planning on Monday to send more blank invites for him to invite this kid and any others. I know itís super short notice but it is what it is. With school starting on 7th, there was little time.

    I personally hate so much that there is no school directory!!! I work full time and I cannot go to most school events and donít know most parents. I am at the mercy of my 9yo getting invites to kids the week school starts, AND the kids getting the invites to their parents (not forgetting it in backpack).

    If the kid says this kid invited him, I would want to check with the parent and ask

  9. #9
    petesgirl is online now Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by infocrazy View Post
    Are you sure there wasn't an invite? We opened an envelope gift under tree from our 6 yo from K and it was actually a party invite lol! Stuff happens...

    I would ask your neighbor if there is a party, if she can see guest list, or how the invite was sent. It might just be a mistake...
    Oh no! Ha ha! We had a similar situation in K where DS put a birthday invite in his backpack, but in a small pocket I never check instead of the big one where his homework folder was. I found it several weeks after the party.
    I should go through my inbox and span folders though, just in case it was evite or something.
    Mama to :
    DS1 (July 2011)
    DD (Feb 2014-June 2015)
    DS2 (Apr 2017)

    "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it."
    --Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by petesgirl View Post
    Oh no! Ha ha! We had a similar situation in K where DS put a birthday invite in his backpack, but in a small pocket I never check instead of the big one where his homework folder was. I found it several weeks after the party.
    I should go through my inbox and span folders though, just in case it was evite or something.
    My oldest DS would lose his head if it wasn't attached. He has missed at least a couple classmate's parties, that I know of, because he managed to lose the invitation somewhere between school and home...We don't have class contact info books or anything like that and I wasn't going to try to track down the info for random classmates. (And I figured it was a good natural consequence for DS1.)
    I don't think there's a good way to ask if he lost the invitation though besides interrogating your kiddo. Good luck!

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