Any advice for severe shy bladder?

[gatorsmom]

Last April, my middle schoolers went on a 4-day bus trip with their school. They slept the first and last night in the coach bus. Since the onboard potty can’t be emptied until after the trip, the chaperones and kids all encourage each other not to use the potty if possible (to control the smell). To make sure everyone is comfortable, the driver stops every 3-4 hours or as needed for potty/snack breaks at clean rest stops along the way. The kids had a great trip and didn’t mind th overnights on the bus except for one problem. DS1, who apparently has always struggled a little bit with shy bladder, now has a real problem. There is another bus trip coming up and all his high school friends are going- the entire high school. At our school, the high school is tiny so all the kids in it hang out together and are friends. DS1 was really looking forward to this trip (he’s a freshman this year) but he confided in me this weekend that he’s really nervous about the bathroom break situation. He doesn’t feel he can use the bus bathroom and he feels too much pressure to get back on the bus at the rest stops. He just can’t go.

This came as a surprise to me because we take extended trips as a family and I’ve never heard about this. He said he feels some pressure when we are traveling but our family habits are more predictable and flexible so he knows he will have a chance to go. On the school trip, not only is he concerned about being pressured to pee while on rest stops but he will have to share a hotel room with other boys and there is the pressure of using up the bathroom too long or knowing someone is waiting for it. So, apparently he came to the conclusion this weekend to cancel the trip. He copied me on an email he sent to the trip director canceling. The trip leaves this Wednesday. I reassured him that he still has 3 more years to do this trip so that cheered him up some. He’s pretty disappointed.

But we need to fix this problem. I am starting to remember that I had a similar problem as a kid that I struggled with for a long time. I overcame it as a young adult with time and I found a trick that could get me to pee. If I thought of something really funny, I could usually start the flow. But he said that hasn’t worked for him.

Any advice, tricks, experience or suggestions? I’ll also ask the therapist (he was seeing for anxiety due to his dyslexia). We as a family are taking 2 bus pilgrimages this year and even though we won’t be sleeping on the bus, there will be a tight schedule we will have to stick to. I’d like to get him on the road to recovery before we leave for that first trip (in April). TIA!

[RiverRat]

No been there, done that. But I was wondering if he could try “a different time” at the rest stop than the group. Meaning if the order goes, bathroom then get snacks, your DS could get a snack and then try the bathroom. Most of the kids would be emptied out of the bathroom. He would get his snack faster because no one would be in front of him in line. Then he would have more bathroom time.

Or give his money to someone to buy a snack for him. Then he could have the whole time for bathroom.

At the hotel, would he be allowed to use a bathroom in the lobby? Then no one is waiting for him. I do that myself if I have to share a room with someone.

Sorry he has to miss out on the trip.


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[petesgirl]

Is he drinking enough on the trips? Could that be affecting his ability to go?

[gamma]

I would try ear buds with music on some practice trip. Concentrating on the music will block out footsteps coming, others talking and bathroom traffic in general allowing the sphincter to relax and urine to flow. Also look into exposure therapy.

[hbridge]

As much as it's horrible that he has to miss the field trip, he shows maturity and self awareness to know his limits.

If this were my child, I would definitely start working on using "foreign" bathrooms. Encourage him to try at school a couple of times a week. Also, when you are out, nudge him to try. Have him drink a lot and just let him figure out what works for him.

Definitely talk to the therapist and pediatrician to make sure there isn't a medical reason. We were scolding DC for an issue that everyone (including the therapist and pediatrician) thought was behavioral until we finally asked the psychiatrist and discovered it was caused by a rare medication side effect. Check that out first...

[ahisma]

There's definitely an anxiety correlation. It's called Paruresis.

[gatorsmom]

Thanks for all the tips and suggestions. My elderly aunt today suggested flushing the urinal or toilet before he starts peeing with the thought that the water will make noise to block out sounds he’s embarrassed about as well as water flowing can sometimes cause the the pee to flow. We will definitely try that as well as listening to music to help relax.

The funny thing is that when he’s camping with the Boy Scouts, he has absolutely no problem, he told me. He said it’s just these hectic, planned-out schedules where he had only so many minutes to visit the bathroom and then keep up with the group. The good news is that since the whole high school will be gone this Thursday and Friday for the trip, they’ve canceled school. So he’s looking forward to a little free time. And he’s downloaded a book about paruesis to his kindle app to read this weekend. He wants to get this under control too.

[essnce629]

Have him do this free Shy Bladder Syndrome hypnosis every night at bedtime!
http://www.freehypnosissessions.com/...-syndrome.html

There's over 60 different free hypnosis sessions by this one hypnotherapist and I love them! I did the Stop Nail Biting one twice a few months ago and stopped biting my nails after over 30+ years! DS2 listens to one every night too-- usually the Insomnia one or Wake Up Rested one. DS1 has done the eczema one several times and is always asleep before it's ever over instead of scratching for hours. Highly recommended!

[gatorsmom]

Have him do this free Shy Bladder Syndrome hypnosis every night at bedtime!
http://www.freehypnosissessions.com/...-syndrome.html

There's over 60 different free hypnosis sessions by this one hypnotherapist and I love them! I did the Stop Nail Biting one twice a few months ago and stopped biting my nails after over 30+ years! DS2 listens to one every night too-- usually the Insomnia one or Wake Up Rested one. DS1 has done the eczema one several times and is always asleep before it's ever over instead of scratching for hours. Highly recommended!

Wow, thank you for the idea. We will give it a try tonight. Thank you!