Update post 43: Dd grabbed during swim team

[hbridge]

I felt the need to warn her (we have never interacted with the female counselor and don't know) that sometimes people try to convince you that things did not happen the way you know they did or that its not that big of a deal when you tell them these kind of things. .

She needs to write down EXACTLY what happened as close to the time of the incident as possible. Have her date the document. She also needs to talk to a professional (counselor, therapist, pediatrician... preferably someone NOT affiliated with the team and someone who will believe her, take her seriously, and help document).

I would be livid with how the coach handled the situation. I think they are trying to put the situation to rest too quickly. The boy saying "...it was just a game" is akin to a girl getting raped at a party and having the boy say "...but it was just a party"! At the VERY least, he needs to understand what he did wrong and why it's wrong! Even if there is no disiplinary action, he needs to understand why he was in the wrong!

If it were my child, I would have her talk to an outside medical professional. Also, forward all documentation (e-mail's) to the principal and/or athletic director.

My concern at this point is also where the boy may take this... Unfortunately, these things can turn quickly.

Your daughter is incredibly brave to come forward and to want to talk to the coach! She needs to be heard, not have her voiced squelched.

[bisous]

She needs to write down EXACTLY what happened as close to the time of the incident as possible. Have her date the document. She also needs to talk to a professional (counselor, therapist, pediatrician... preferably someone NOT affiliated with the team and someone who will believe her, take her seriously, and help document).

I would be livid with how the coach handled the situation. I think they are trying to put the situation to rest too quickly. The boy saying "...it was just a game" is akin to a girl getting raped at a party and having the boy say "...but it was just a party"! At the VERY least, he needs to understand what he did wrong and why it's wrong! Even if there is no disiplinary action, he needs to understand why he was in the wrong!

If it were my child, I would have her talk to an outside medical professional. Also, forward all documentation (e-mail's) to the principal and/or athletic director.

My concern at this point is also where the boy may take this... Unfortunately, these things can turn quickly.

Your daughter is incredibly brave to come forward and to want to talk to the coach! She needs to be heard, not have her voiced squelched.

I think when I was saying “counselor” before this was kind of what I was thinking. Someone with experience in these types of situations that can help process the feelings but also provide guidance so she can know her rights and advocate for her. So maybe the person would need to have training in psychology and the legal issues surrounding? I’m not sure if that exists.

[HannaAddict]

She needs to write down EXACTLY what happened as close to the time of the incident as possible. Have her date the document. She also needs to talk to a professional (counselor, therapist, pediatrician... preferably someone NOT affiliated with the team and someone who will believe her, take her seriously, and help document).

I would be livid with how the coach handled the situation. I think they are trying to put the situation to rest too quickly. The boy saying "...it was just a game" is akin to a girl getting raped at a party and having the boy say "...but it was just a party"! At the VERY least, he needs to understand what he did wrong and why it's wrong! Even if there is no disiplinary action, he needs to understand why he was in the wrong!

If it were my child, I would have her talk to an outside medical professional. Also, forward all documentation (e-mail's) to the principal and/or athletic director.

My concern at this point is also where the boy may take this... Unfortunately, these things can turn quickly.

Your daughter is incredibly brave to come forward and to want to talk to the coach! She needs to be heard, not have her voiced squelched.

I understand your point but saying this is just like a rape case is not the helpful. And I don’t see why in this case she would need to see a medical professional. She wasn’t raped. She was touched inappropriately but has been handling it well with strength and grace and his the support of her parent and wants to reach out to a counselor herself. That is fantastic, she’s empowered. But don’t victimize her by making this more than it is, it isn’t right, the coach’s response was inadequate, but she hasn’t been traumatized for life. I guess as a former criminal attorney I may be less up in arms and willing to work through the system, get the principal involved etc. Don’t forward anything and everything to them either. Especially not medical info unless you want your privacy rights potentially waived if this did blow up into something more. I totally support her but also know there is a wide range from a grab during a pool game to rape and don’t mix those examples lightly.


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[hbridge]

I did not equate this to a "rape case". I apologized if it came out that way. I was just commenting on the attitude of the boys apology.

Having a child who experienced trauma at school, I am all about making sure the child is alright. We thought our child's incident was not terribly concerning and were told that by the school. Three years later, our child continues to struggle with severe PTSD from the incident. Essentially, my child was "traumatized for life" from an incident that the school and many others have trivialized. I am not saying that this happened here, but it's important to make sure. So, first and foremost, insure that the OP daughter is heard and is okay. Also, to have her speak with a neutral person so if it becomes a bigger issue than she wants it to be, there is some documentation of exactly what happened from the girls perspective. Documentation does not need to go any further than the parents and the guidance counselor. Having it does not mean anything is escalated.

Personally, I think that the boy should get a "stern talking to", the team needs some information, the coaches need to suspend playing that particular game and, if the girl is comfortable with that, that's it!

However, you never really know how these things can play out and documentation can't hurt.