Your son needs YOU, not us.
I just need to bitch a little and I can’t really talk about it more with DH. It’s his deal, he needs to solve this but it frustrates me.
For the last 4 summers my nephew, W, from the other side of the country visits us. He usually stays for 3-5 weeks. His mother asked originally if he could come because he’s an only child, they live out in the country, and both his parents work full time- both run departments where they work. He’s a bit of a handful because he has ADHD but doesn’t take his medication in the summer to give himself a break. But he’s a sweet kid, very loving, goofy and playful and gets along well with our family members. He’ll follow the rules for the most part but does whine when he doesn’t get his own way. He doesn’t have a job, isn’t involved in any extracurricular activities as far as I can tell and his parents won’t let him get his drivers license until he gets his grades up which he’s unmotivated to do. He hasn’t said anything about whether or not he wanted to stay with us this summer yet.
Yesterday dh dropped this bomb on me. His sister, W’s mother, knows we have been planning for the last year to spend our spring break in Steamboat Sorings. Except for me, everyone in our family are excellent skiiers and love the sport. The place we rent had a charming little creek that runs outside it and we are walking distance from the ski school so I am looking forward to sitting in front of the fire catching up on reading with no interruptions while they are out skiing during the day. The bomb DSIL dropped was a text asking if W could come stay with us in Steamboat. She said she would buy him the airfare, ski rentals and everything he needs. Even though W has never skiied now he can try, she said and he wouldn’t need his own room. He could just sleep on the couch of our condo!
Well, no, he can’t just sleep on the couch or our condo. I know exactly would happen. W won’t do anything that makes him look awkward as he demonstrates every summer. He will not spend more than 1 hour skiing and then he will come and spend all his time on his cell phone on the sofa alone in the condo with me. And the real problem here isn’t W crashing our family party. The real problem is that his parents should take him on a spring break vacation. He needs to spend time with them, not us. They need to use some of the vacation time they have stored and finally spend some time with their son who is 17 now and is about to leave home. They have plenty of money. They just need to prioritize their son over their jobs, for once. My heart aches for that poor kid.
Of course, if I say no, I’ll be made to be the bad guy here. Never mind that I am happy to have W stay with us each summer. Ironically, DSIL and Dh’s younger brother M is bringing HIS family to Steamboat at the same time we are. So maybe DSIL thought that all the cousins were getting together skiing and she didn’t want W to miss out on that. But why not ask them to host W? He spends more time with them than us (they live closer to him). And they aren’t serious skiiers either. We have hosted their kids for the last couple of summers and they never want to leave their rooms. They spend all day in their rooms texting friends. So W would fit right in. And Dh had the idea that W could come with his grandfather, DFIL who is a complete a$$hole and they should stay in a hotel together. Well, goodie. DFIL is going to want to get everyone together in the evenings for dinner and guess where that will be? He always wants to get the family together. They are all nice enough people except for him. I was just hoping for our little family to have a fun, peaceful time to ourselves.
Ugh, I just wanted this to be our family vacation. I was looking forward to it. Now it is going to be the “whole family show” with cousins and ILs. We hadn’t even planned to see M and his family much while they are there. I think we were only going out to dinner one night with them. And if W stays with them, that would still be the case which would be fine. But if FIL gets involved, or if DH says ok to W staying with us, everything will change. Grrr.
Last edited by gatorsmom; 02-13-2019 at 10:38 AM.
" I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." Mahatma Gandhi
"This is the ultimate weakness of violence: It multiplies evil and violence in the universe. It doesn't solve any problems." Martin Luther King, Jr.