Your son needs YOU, not us.

[KpbS]

It is really sad they can’t/don’t take the vacation time to be with him. Poor guy. And at 17...

[ChicagoNDMom]

Hard no from me. I am sorry for you. Not way would this be OK with me.

[Globetrotter]

Wow, you are really generous to host him annually in the summer. I would do that for our nephews, but we have a reciprocal relationship, which does not appear to be the case here.
As for the ski trip, I think you need to be firm on this even if it makes you the bad guy, and explain to dh that he needs to back you up. You can’t win with some people and anyone who honestly looks at the situation will know that you are the one hosting him every single summer. You have no logical reason to feel bad about declining. I feel they are taking advantage of your generosity.
Mention that this is the time you’ve reserved for your immediate family, it won’t work out to have him and suggest that they ask M.
Safety concerns are valid. My friend offered to take ds skiing while we were traveling overseas, but I was hesitant because they are frequent skiers and, while DS is good, I didn’t want them to have the added liability of dealing with him while we were thousands of miles away and unable to come back quickly if he got injured.
That said, I feel sad for the kid. Surely his parents take him on some vacations??

[California]

Sounds like you have a valid answer. Aren’t you in your early or mid 40’s? My senior girl friends told me when I turned 40 that now “is when you start to say no, and by 50 you won’t feel guilty about it.” 😁 There have to be some perks to life experience!

[gatorsmom]

As an update-

Your senior girlfriends are right, California. I said no to this request and pretty quickly. I made it clear to DH how I felt and told him to deal with it. As it turns out, W’s mom did ask M’s family too if they could take W. They said the same things I did- they don’t want W sleeping on the sofa, there isn’t enough bedrooms for him, he can’t ski so it would hold he other kids back, and he would spend his time back at the condo texting all day. According to DH, his brother’s family responded no even faster than we did. Dh said the same thing to his sister and found out that it wasn’t W’s idea to go at all, it was hers. So Dh reminded her that our building still has plenty of condos left to rent and she and her family should all go. She of course, turned him down. No vacation for W. He will be home alone during spring break. It’s pretty sad. I get the feeling that the whole idea to send W with his cousins was an after thought anyway. Poor kid.

I was going to respond earlier to Globetrotter that taking W and the other cousins for a few weeks for the summer is really something I’m doing for my kids to spend time with their cousins. And to do something nice for W and the other cousins. I know my kids look forward to when they come. But there is no way I’d want a reciprocal arrangement. If I sent my kids for a few weeks to W’s house they would end up doing what W does all summer- watching TV and playing video games for days on end. My time with them is too short and precious to waste summer days like that.

[petesgirl]

Good for you, for sticking to your guns.
Poor kid, though. I feel sorry for him, growing up like that. How would it be to feel like your own parents had no interest in spending time with you?

[jent]

Sounds like you have a valid answer. Aren’t you in your early or mid 40’s? My senior girl friends told me when I turned 40 that now “is when you start to say no, and by 50 you won’t feel guilty about it.”  There have to be some perks to life experience!

Just wanted to say I love this!

[bisous]

Sounds like you worked it out! I would be the one in this thread to take him but I think teens are easy. I’d be super stressed if he were, say 4 or something.

I will say the thought of days alone in a cozy cabin with a pretty view sound pretty darn nice!