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  1. #31
    jgenie is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by twowhat? View Post
    Twins are hard, especially for a first time mom. Most days I'd do almost anything to get to naptime, and then to bedtime...I'm not saying it's an excuse but it was my reality that first year-and-a-half until they were both reliably sleeping through the night. If I had twins again (which will NEVER EVER HAPPEN) I would do SO MANY things differently. Oh well!
    Don’t beat yourself up!! We all do the best we can. Your girls are going are great and they’re going to be great adults!!

    DS1 didn’t STTN until he was 18 months old. We figured we had paid our dues so we went for a second who surely would STTN on a much more normal schedule. GREAT BIG NOPE. DS2 didn’t STTN until he was 6 years old!! I was essentially a single parent since DH traveled extensively and the days he was home he was gone before DC were awake and not home until they were in bed. If I could go back in time, I would change so.many.things. I would have been so much happier. It wasn’t perfect but I did the best I could with what I knew.
    for Carmen

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by StantonHyde View Post
    Our children have fewer external responsibilities than we did but many more internal responsibilities. There is so much more to process. Grit looks different now. Maturity helps. But you do need to look at: perfectionism, anxiety, etc. I think if you have a kid who is going through major surgeries--that is grit. It's not like she gets a total pass on everything else. But that is taking all of her band width to get through.

    And you have to let.it.go. regarding your childhood/you and your kid. This is not your childhood. Your kid is not you. I say this as someone who has spent a loooong time in therapy recovering from my family crap. I worked very hard to make sure my kids had a different childhood. They don't have the grit I did. DS would not have survived my childhood. Thank God *I* am his mother. He will fulfill his potential. I didn't--It took everything I had to get out and do well. But how much more could there have been???? On the flip side, I have grit for miles. Maybe its a good thing my kids don't.....
    I agree so much with this. So many times I think "if my dad were your dad, you'd be a mess." My kids are much less gritty than I was at that age and I'm okay with it.

    That doesn't mean I want them to be entitled wimps though. So I get what you're saying OP. I don't have much advice. I feel like I let my kids do things without a net a lot. My one DD didn't practice her instrument for a song she was going to perform at the concert. I didn't bug her, and in the days leading up to the performance she'd say she was nervous she'd do badly, and I'd just say "if only there were a solution" (practicing). I wasn't going to waste my time bugging her to practice, if she sounded like crap her peers and teacher would know.

    I have noticed that now that their anxiety is under control they are a lot more willing to try things and stick with them.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  3. #33
    Gracemom is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I have one kid with lots of grit and one with less, but has improved over time. I think their personalities have influenced that. One thing I have noticed is that my kids are way more vocal about their process than I was allowed to be as a child. I didn't really talk to my parents, much less complain about how hard things are. My process was internal, and my kids process is way more external. It can be frustrating to listen to, but at least I know what's going on in their mind and we can work through it.

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