WARNING Controversial topic Child porn arrest- Need help with finding a comparison

[petesgirl]

He’s bad. End of story.

I feel this way as well. Watching those videos/viewing those pictures was DOING something, so saying he never did anything is untrue. Who are the victims? The children in the videos, most definitely. But also his wife-he was unfaithful to her. His children-he betrayed their trust. And who knows how many other children that he has looked at and had sexual thoughts about. Just because those thoughts aren't public doesn't mean he hasn't victimized them already in his mind. He should be on the sex offender registry and his deeds should be known.
That said, we are dealing with a similar situation in our family-DH's brother is currently in prison for child molestation. I'm generally a believer in Jesus and repentance and people's ability to change and start over, but honestly I'm not sure how I will feel when he is released. MIL continually reminds us that we need to find a way to be ok with having him around after he has done his time. Well, I will be kind and friendly to him but I can tell you right now that he will NEVER be alone with my children. I would feel the same about someone who had 'just' done porn and 'nothing else'. Same thing, in my book.

I guess I wouldn't care if he drove his own son to Scout camp, dropped him off and left without any contact with any other child, but that's about all the leeway I would consider.

[sariana]

You said this was someone close to your family, and I can understand why you might be looking for an explanation. I don’t think there’s much you can do. Someone made a choice that has resulted in consequences. Better to accept those consequences and learn to live with them. Perhaps a move and a fresh start would be best for the family.

[StantonHyde]

There was a parent at one of my children' schools who was on the sex offenders list. We were notified because that was part of what this person's parole officer required. The school worked with that person to limit contact with the kids. I went online to look at the court documents--I wanted to know--was this someone who was peeing in public and arrested for exposing himself or was this the "real deal". Holy crap. it was the real deal. I wouldn't let a kid within 100 yards of this jerk. You should look up the court info on this person--you could be quite amazed. It's all public record.

I know, better than most due to mine and DH's lines of work and life experiences, that this person was "only" the sex offender I knew. There could be many more in the parent population of our school. They just haven't been caught yet. Sexual abuse is so very prevalent--it is stunning. And this is from people known to the victim. And many times pedophiles are heterosexual men in good marriages and they don't harm their own children. That doesn't make them ok.

So I don't understand why you are trying to explain this person's actions. They should NEVER be around other children. period.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

It sounds to me like you are wanting to make excuses for this person and justify it by saying it was a victimless crime. It is not and was not, and he deserves any and all repercussions. It sounds like there were relatively few negative consequences to be honest.

Yeah that.

I don’t understand the interest to try to defend or explain this. This is typical of sexual predators - they seem like nice wholesome people with families etc so they couldn’t have done something so horrible and don’t deserve negative consequences they are getting. That does disservice to all the women and kids who are victims of sex crimes. That is literally what keeps abuse on going ..from Bill Cosby to priests or scout troop leaders abusing kids , because no one wants to believe that a “good” nice person would do something like this.

Then analogy you provided doesn’t make sense here- this wasnt a victimless crime just because he didn’t do things “in person.” Those kids in the videos endured some harm, and they will live with whatever they experienced for the rest of their lives. People like him who pay for these things are the only reason those videos are made in the first place. Also, his own kids are affected even if he didn’t abuse them - can u imagine having to deal with this as a kid and all the negative publicity (which is 100% on HIM, not on other people rushing to judgement) .

In my town they busted a popular restaurant owner and several others for being in child porn ring. Several people boycotted the restaurant after. I don’t know the details but I don’t think I need to know them all . It’s not like we’re going off hearsay, it was police record.

[niccig]

Anyway, I am trying to find a comparison in the severity and complexity of the crime. He never did anything in person. The only ones physically hurt by this crime were the children in the videos. Psychologically and socially, many others in his family were hurt by his actions. The father had been an active adult scouter, and has been banned "forever" from the scouts. He now wants to be a "parent" of a scout to his son, and go to award ceremonies, or be able to drive the son (3hrs) to summer camp. The local district has refused that.
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“The only ones physically hurt by this crime were the children in the videos.” That’s really bad! He added to the demand for these videos and these children are victims of sex trafficking! You analogy with him driving drunk and hitting his garage and causing damage only to his own family is incorrect.

I think though you feel for the consequences his family have suffered, eg in mentioning he can’t attend his son’s scouting events, his son misses out. I feel for the son, he is innocent and suffers the consequences brought on by his father’s actions. I don’t though see that members of the community will want to include the father. Something similar happened in the family of friends and the perpetrator wasn’t invited to family events as other parents in the family were worried he was looking at their children sexually. People want to protect their children.




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[specialp]

Only watching videos or looking at pictures might not seem bad when it is adult content, but when the particular interest the person seeks out is children, it is getting pleasure watching kids who have no ability to consent to what they are doing. Legally no ability to consent, but also, what type of situations are going to put a teen in a porn video? Human trafficking, homelessness, abuse. And a person knows that and yet seeks it out specifically to be child related. And what is it that makes a child so appealing in the first place over an adult to seek it out? The vulnerability, the naiveté, the ease in controlling and manipulating and domineering an innocent which is almost certainly depicted and part of the experience. That it is why is harmful. There are all types of criminals who choose victims outside of their family members. Their family might be “safe” from their crimes, but friends, acquaintances, neighbors of their family (kids) are not.

I just hope he continues counseling forever, really. I think it is a lifelong issue needing constant vigilance and counseling, not a blip needing a quick session and over and done.

[jgenie]

Anyway, I am trying to find a comparison in the severity and complexity of the crime. He never did anything in person. The only ones physically hurt by this crime were the children in the videos. Psychologically and socially, many others in his family were hurt by his actions. The father had been an active adult scouter, and has been banned "forever" from the scouts. He now wants to be a "parent" of a scout to his son, and go to award ceremonies, or be able to drive the son (3hrs) to summer camp. The local district has refused that.


Thanks for reading.

Change the word the to my and see if that makes a difference in how you feel. The children in those videos are someone’s children. You have the luxury of being able to say not my kids, not kids I know but a parent out there does not have that same luxury. The fact that it is happening with more frequency to normal families is reason for concern not justification. I would feel for this persons family but I would never let my children anywhere near him and I would be quite vocal about keeping him away from activities where children were involved. It feels like no one was hurt but I assure you the girls in those videos were hurt.

[KpbS]

Yes, to pp. Imagine it was your DD, your DS.

This is not a victimless crime and you may not know the extent to which he has committed crimes, broken relationships, etc.
Do not defend this action. He must live with the consequences, just like if he hit and killed another person driving drunk. It cannot be undone.

[pharmjenn]

Thanks everyone for your opinions. He did have home arrest, plus served time in jail.
All your answers gave me some perspective, and I appreciate them.

[div_0305]

I'm amazed he was able to get out of not being on a sex offender's registry. Children in these videos are re-victimized every time the video is watched--what your close associate did is nothing compared to a victimless crime like the example you gave. It is the demand for these videos that drives their production, and your associate added to that demand and future victimization.