Advice for middle-aged mom weight issues and "obsession" with food?

[ett]

OMG. That's a lot of water!!!! How do you do it? I'd just have to live in my bathroom!

LOL! I said the same thing to DH!

[mom2binsd]

LOL! I said the same thing to DH!

I can't always do that much water and your body adjusts, plus less time to snack! Our gym has a lot of Facebook support with each other, things like thirsty Thurs and show everyone a pic of drinking your water to be encouraging.


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[dogmom]

I truly believe that the female body needs significantly less calories as we age and no longer need to support pregnancies or nursing. It’s an adjustment. It’s particularly an adjustment for me because I was unwise and unhealthy in how I ate growing up—seeing no immediate consequences. I’m hoping that low carb will help improve my insulin resistance and I feel like calorie counting is like my training wheels while I figure out the new path forward.

15 years ago someone at work told me, “Loose the weight now, because when you hit menopause you can survive on air and water and not loose weight.” I’m 53 now, she’s not wrong.

You can try different diets. I took up running and just radically decreased my portions to realistic sizes and are better. Lost 30 pounds was in great shape for a few years, then I started having bad musculoskeletal issues. I’ve gained 2/3 of it back due to decreased activity. But honestly something had shifted in me and I am unconcerned about my weight and just care about my health. Not being able to just basically function does that to one. I think one of the hardest things is learning not to reward myself with food or look forward to meals. I am still struggling with it.

[smiles33]

Thanks to so many for chiming in! In response to some replies:

- My problem is not "mindless eating" where I'm bored. It's eating because delicious food is sitting there and I don't want to waste it. I have this deeply ingrained resistance to wasting food. I'm also the one who eats the leftovers in my fridge rather than tossing the food. But at least at home, my fridge food tends to be homecooked healthy food. I don't eat after 7 pm and I'm not a constant snacker. I usually start with breakfast at 5:30 am when I wake up, snack around 9:30 or 10 if I had a small breakfast, 11:45 am for lunch (before the staff kitchen gets full of free food so I can fill up on my healthy home-cooked food), sometimes a snack around 3 again, and then dinner at 6 pm when I get home from work. The problem is after I've finished my lunch and go back to the staff kitchen to refill my pitcher of water, someone has put their event leftovers in the staff kitchen. This means there might be trays of chicken tikka masala, aloo gobi, rice, and other Indian food that I love (my office loves Indian food!). I've already eaten my lunch, yet I see all this delicious free food just sitting there....so I grab a plate and have a bite of this, and a bite of that. Before I know it, I've filled 1/2 my plate! It's not even on a weekly basis that we have free food, but it happens often enough that I've gained 20 pounds since I started this job 15 years ago (a few years after we married). DH has tried telling me, "The cost of the food that you're tossing is not worth the cost of trying to lose that weight later if you eat it." Logically, that makes sense, but I still have trouble throwing away delicious food. I can easily avoid/throw away giant trays of salad, turkey sandwiches, or rice & beans. I need to work on my willpower when it comes to delicious food!

- I do not drink alcohol daily or even "regularly." I drink alcohol at restaurants while on vacation and I'll occasionally have a glass to "toast" folks at family parties a few times/year. We take 3-4 vacations a year (and most are only 3-4 day weekends), so I'd guess I'm drinking fewer than 15 cocktails/year and maybe 4-6 glasses of wine/year. I know having 5 cocktails on our recent week-long trip to Maui was a huge source of calories and sugar. I completely relax the rules while on vacation as I'm a sucker for vodka or gin cocktails and I'm sure they're using plenty of simple syrups to sweeten the drinks! Even on our recent Disneyland 3 day weekend trip, I had one cocktail at Napa Rose (which I didn't feel guilty about as I walked 11 miles that day!) and 1 cocktail at Wine Country Trattoria (I walked about 9 miles that day). If they had alcohol at Blue Bayou, I would have ordered one (but they don't!). Going forward, I'm going to try to avoid cocktails on our next weekend getaway in June until I see some progress in my weight. So that's one tip, but it's not going to be enough by itself to move the needle.

- I already drink a huge amount of water daily. I have a large 16 oz Duralex glass that I fill 5-6 times/day while at work (and go to the restroom every 1-2 hours). As I mentioned earlier, I have a large pitcher that I fill in the morning so I'm not in the staff kitchen every hour (and then tempted by free goodies left there by well-meaning staff). I talk a lot in my job and I also am pretty desk-bound, so drinking water both keeps my throat hydrated and also forces me to leave my desk for a mini break. I try to also drink a full glass right before I eat lunch and dinner so my stomach is already full. At restaurants, when someone else is constantly refilling it, I can go through 3-4 large glasses of water. Trust me--I'm getting a TON of water so there's nothing more to add to this category.

- As I mentioned, I don't eat rice/pasta/bread daily but I do have starchy vegetables. My typical meal is protein and then veggies on the side. I ate asparagus, sweet potatoes, and flank steak yesterday for lunch, but that's actually not a typical meal. Usually I have pork or chicken as we try to limit beef to only a few days/month (we tend to eat the same protein 3-4 days/week as we're only cooking 2/week). I also don't eat a lot of sweet potatoes or regular potatoes. But this past week's sweet potatoes were prepared with spices that DDs don't like, so I've been eating them rather than tossing them. For breakfast yesterday, I had a Chinese chive and egg "empanada" (not sure how to describe it in English but imagine a thin dough "skin" like dumplings, but larger like an empanada and stuffed with eggs and chives) that my mom had made on Wed that had to be eaten since it was already Friday. I know this is another problem--I will eat things I know I shouldn't because otherwise it goes in the garbage! Usually, I eat the same meal for breakfast as I do for lunch (I know it's weird, but it's easiest to just heat up leftovers at 5:30 am when I'm getting ready for work!). Our favorite veggies are asparagus, broccoli, green beans, eggplant, cauliflower, bell peppers, and carrots. I detest green salads and only eat them when I have to, so I'm not indulging in fatty dressings regularly. If I do eat a salad (e.g., it's the only thing on the menu at a group staff meeting), then I try to load up on protein so it's not just greens. I don't eat pasta often (mostly when at a good Italian restaurant), but I also am moving toward not eating it at home at all. Lately, I've been having spaghetti squash with pasta sauce and I love it!

- Unfortunately, I can't move my office to a different floor that is far away from the staff kitchen. Space is at a premium and my entire team is on this floor. Even if I gave up my office for a cubicle on the other side of the floor farthest from the staff kitchen, it's an open layout floor so I'd still smell it. I guess I could consider keeping my office door closed but that's very "counter-culture" for my office and would discourage people from dropping in. I think I need a better coping mechanism to avoiding the free fragrant food! I've tried chewing sugar-less gum to keep my mouth busy, but I think that looks unprofessional in the office so I often will only chew for a little bit (10 min or less when I know no one is scheduled to come by).

- I try to keep healthy snacks in my office. I used to have only almonds, but DH bought me pumpkin seeds, which he says are a better source of energy. In addition to those 2, I keep some KIND bars there, too, for times when I'm sick of plain almonds or pumpkin seeds. I eat a KIND bar maybe 1/week and that is definitely a source of sugar. I could eliminate that entirely, but once/week (or once/every other week) doesn't seem too bad and I do get sick of plain nuts/seeds. I've tried packing hard boiled eggs and have done so a few times, but I find it isn't really worth the time to plan ahead and boil them, peel them, etc. I'd rather stick to shelf-stable snacks.

- I only take the stairs so I'm up and down 4 flights every day at least 2 times but sometimes 4-5 times. I monitor my steps and activity on my Apple Watch so I will force myself to go to the farther restroom to get more steps in or walk down to the basement and back if I know I don't have kickboxing that day. I've considered whether I want to do a 2 hour class 2/week at the same gym but I think that's a bit too insane for a middle-aged woman like me who is no longer an athlete in top condition. I'm comfortable with my exercise level and not looking to train for a marathon or Spartan race!

Dogmom, this quote from your post really got me:

"I think one of the hardest things is learning not to reward myself with food or look forward to meals. I am still struggling with it."

This is still me. As I said, when I'm happy, I eat. Yet when I'm sad/frustrated/angry, I also console myself with food. I need to find a non-food reward/soothing experience!!!

[KpbS]

Another idea is to take a leftover container and put the Indian leftovers etc in the container for lunch tomorrow. Food isn’t wasted and you can eat it at another time.

[dogmom]

OK, reading some more about your issues. I think you just need to have a strict policy of “no food I don’t bring to work.” You don’t NEED to snack at work. I say this as someone who works 12 hr shifts who sometimes can’t get to the bathroom. When I really aggressively lost weight it was the strict “no food at work except what I brought.” As someone who works in a hospital I too am surrounded by food. It really needs to be an all or nothing approach. You can substitute herbal teas for some rewards at work. Or water with fruit slices. I think you can also download an app like Calm and take a 10 minute break to meditate as a reward vs food.

At home I think you need to investigate ways to plan out meals to have the leftovers incorporated into a later meal. That will help with the need not to let things go to waste. I recommend Epicurius whole 90. It is supposed to be to cook everything from scratch for all meals for 90 days. But it’s a great source to pick up ideas to plan leftover use. You can search in their site.

[candaceb]

I also have a problem with free food, and my DH's family has a serious issue with wasting food. One mantra that I've told myself again and again is that if I don't actually need the food (not hungry), my body is going to waste it by turning it to fat. So there's no difference between my body wasting it and throwing it away.
I also volunteer for our local food bank. Working there sorting donations (most often from grocery stores) has totally changed my outlook on food waste. So much food is wasted before it is ever prepared. We fill entire dumpsters in a 2 hour shift. So I have put my focus on avoiding food waste before it's prepared by having "eat what we have" nights to use up veggies in the fridge and stuff out of the freezer before they go bad.

[trales]

I was in the same position. I CAN'T waste food, it feels like the ultimate sin, horrible thing to do. I was finishing all the kids food, finishing the food that we ordered for work events so it wouldn't go to waste.

I follow the if I don't bring food to work, I am not allowed to eat it rule. It took about 6 months to really start to follow the rule, now it seems natural and I don't even notice, but it was a serious behavior change. It did cause me a lot of internal stress and feeling bad until I bought in. I bought in when I couldn't even use a rubber band to close the top of my favorite pants. It also helps that I stand in front of a lecture hall all day, I didn't want everyone staring at tight pantyliner while I was writing.

I also put less food on the kids plates, and encourage them to get small seconds and thirds, so I don't finish their plates, and the leftovers from the pots are then stored in the fridge. Then I don't fell guilty about throwing away as much food.

I have cut portion sizes and carbs and it is working. I allow myself one plate of food and I am learning to SLOW down eating it to savor it. That has been SO hard. I am down the 10lbs I needed to be.

[cckwmh]

In terms of food in your fridge that you can control, make less so there is not as mich leftovers. What has worked for me is I portion out leftovers for lunch the next day and freeze what I can. That way it won’t be wasted. Coming from a poor background where wasting what food we had would never cross anyones mind, Both DH and I have a hard time wasting food, especially meat. Cooking less has helped.

I do have a sticky on my fridge right now that says TRASH or A$$.” Where do you want to see that food, in the trash or on my back side (my worst area for weight gain)?

[smiles33]

In terms of food in your fridge that you can control, make less so there is not as mich leftovers. What has worked for me is I portion out leftovers for lunch the next day and freeze what I can. That way it won’t be wasted. Coming from a poor background where wasting what food we had would never cross anyones mind, Both DH and I have a hard time wasting food, especially meat. Cooking less has helped.

I do have a sticky on my fridge right now that says TRASH or A$$.” Where do you want to see that food, in the trash or on my back side (my worst area for weight gain)?

LOL, I think I have to add that sticky note on my fridge and also on my desktop monitor (where only I can see it) so I don't eat the free food!

Thank you all for your ideas. I have some group staff meetings but I think I could reasonably do 3 weeks/month with only food from home and just be very conscientious about smaller portions at the staff events. I've stopped eating the kids' leftovers--I tell them to wrap it up and put it in the fridge and THEY can eat it at their next meal. Sometimes they don't--then I just throw the leftovers away and wince a little. But I have to tell myself, "TRASH or A$$!"