Edit or not edit?

[bisous]

Editing is a hot topic in the field of oral history. Personally I’m in the “edit” camp. As OP is in some way a producer of this history she has a right to shape it in small ways and has a good motive to do so. I personally would do it even if I faced repercussions from my Dad but I’m sort of doubting that he’ll ever know.

[niccig]

Ok so I’m a little shocked that anyone would recommend editorializing dad’s legacy.....it was his choice to say what he wanted to say and he said it. If he’s still with it, ask him if he wants it in there or whether he wants it taken out. Maybe he just wants it in there, and maybe he regrets what he said or how it came out and wants it taken out. I know my parents would be incensed if I would ever think of editorializing their comments to make them more ‘nice’ or socially acceptable.

This is what gives me pause and why I posted for advice.

But I am concerned about this kind of reaction:

My mom is forever haunted by the last words her dad said to her before he passed. It can really affect a person so I would take it out. If no good will come from it why make the video drama. It will make you anxious and to me the focus should be on your dad not your sister.

My dad doesn’t remember what he said or why. I know he’s always been concerned about my sister. He wasn’t being malicious, it was a poor choice of words.

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[niccig]

Editing is a hot topic in the field of oral history. Personally I’m in the “edit” camp. As OP is in some way a producer of this history she has a right to shape it in small ways and has a good motive to do so. I personally would do it even if I faced repercussions from my Dad but I’m sort of doubting that he’ll ever know.

Dad doesn’t remember things anymore. I’ll have DH look at it and see what he thinks. He’s a good read on my family dynamics.


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[gymnbomb]

Ok so I’m a little shocked that anyone would recommend editorializing dad’s legacy.....it was his choice to say what he wanted to say and he said it. If he’s still with it, ask him if he wants it in there or whether he wants it taken out. Maybe he just wants it in there, and maybe he regrets what he said or how it came out and wants it taken out. I know my parents would be incensed if I would ever think of editorializing their comments to make them more ‘nice’ or socially acceptable.

I think changing what he said in any way (like taking out half of his answer to a question or changing the context in which things were said) would be wrong, but I think simply choosing to not share one question at all is ok.

[Gracemom]

I have a sister in a similar situation and I think you should edit the whole question out. My sister thinks my mom favors her other kids, and she blames my mom for not supporting her,etc. I think the unedited video would just add fuel to the fire.

[123LuckyMom]

This isn’t an oral history project, it’s a documentary/memorial homage. Edit the question out, and let your DH take the time he needs to make a beautiful memorial film. I don’t think it’s right to have him use his skills to make your father say something he didn’t say, but it’s fine to put the paired questions and answers in different order, use still photographs and narration, anything you like to create a meaningful memory for the family, because that’s what it’s for. It is devastating to find out after they are “gone” something someone said or thought about you that is negative. There’s no way to talk to the person about it to gain clarification or closure. It can fester and change the course of someone’s life. Don’t do that to your sister. If your father were still able to talk with you or her about his answer and his wishes, that would be different, but he can’t. Don’t let the last thing your sister hears from him be something critical, especially in comparison with what he said to her sisters, and most especially with no ability to also hear an explanation, or get a hug and an “I love you, and I’m proud of the changes you’re making!” To do so would be beyond cruel.

ETA: And, you say you know his intent was not to be malicious but to express his love and the concern that comes from his love. As a filmmaker, the truer route would be to make sure the film expressed his intent.


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