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  1. #21
    bisous is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Editing is a hot topic in the field of oral history. Personally Iím in the ďeditĒ camp. As OP is in some way a producer of this history she has a right to shape it in small ways and has a good motive to do so. I personally would do it even if I faced repercussions from my Dad but Iím sort of doubting that heíll ever know.

  2. #22
    niccig is online now Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Default Edit or not edit?

    Quote Originally Posted by mommy111 View Post
    Ok so Iím a little shocked that anyone would recommend editorializing dadís legacy.....it was his choice to say what he wanted to say and he said it. If heís still with it, ask him if he wants it in there or whether he wants it taken out. Maybe he just wants it in there, and maybe he regrets what he said or how it came out and wants it taken out. I know my parents would be incensed if I would ever think of editorializing their comments to make them more Ďniceí or socially acceptable.
    This is what gives me pause and why I posted for advice.

    But I am concerned about this kind of reaction:
    Quote Originally Posted by ray7694 View Post
    My mom is forever haunted by the last words her dad said to her before he passed. It can really affect a person so I would take it out. If no good will come from it why make the video drama. It will make you anxious and to me the focus should be on your dad not your sister.
    My dad doesnít remember what he said or why. I know heís always been concerned about my sister. He wasnít being malicious, it was a poor choice of words.

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    Last edited by niccig; 2 Days Ago at 12:11 AM.

  3. #23
    niccig is online now Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Default Edit or not edit?

    Quote Originally Posted by bisous View Post
    Editing is a hot topic in the field of oral history. Personally Iím in the ďeditĒ camp. As OP is in some way a producer of this history she has a right to shape it in small ways and has a good motive to do so. I personally would do it even if I faced repercussions from my Dad but Iím sort of doubting that heíll ever know.
    Dad doesnít remember things anymore. Iíll have DH look at it and see what he thinks. Heís a good read on my family dynamics.


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    Last edited by niccig; 2 Days Ago at 01:49 AM.

  4. #24
    gymnbomb is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by mommy111 View Post
    Ok so Iím a little shocked that anyone would recommend editorializing dadís legacy.....it was his choice to say what he wanted to say and he said it. If heís still with it, ask him if he wants it in there or whether he wants it taken out. Maybe he just wants it in there, and maybe he regrets what he said or how it came out and wants it taken out. I know my parents would be incensed if I would ever think of editorializing their comments to make them more Ďniceí or socially acceptable.
    I think changing what he said in any way (like taking out half of his answer to a question or changing the context in which things were said) would be wrong, but I think simply choosing to not share one question at all is ok.
    DS 2/14
    DD 8/17

  5. #25
    Gracemom is online now Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I have a sister in a similar situation and I think you should edit the whole question out. My sister thinks my mom favors her other kids, and she blames my mom for not supporting her,etc. I think the unedited video would just add fuel to the fire.

  6. #26
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    Default Edit or not edit?

    This isnít an oral history project, itís a documentary/memorial homage. Edit the question out, and let your DH take the time he needs to make a beautiful memorial film. I donít think itís right to have him use his skills to make your father say something he didnít say, but itís fine to put the paired questions and answers in different order, use still photographs and narration, anything you like to create a meaningful memory for the family, because thatís what itís for. It is devastating to find out after they are ďgoneĒ something someone said or thought about you that is negative. Thereís no way to talk to the person about it to gain clarification or closure. It can fester and change the course of someoneís life. Donít do that to your sister. If your father were still able to talk with you or her about his answer and his wishes, that would be different, but he canít. Donít let the last thing your sister hears from him be something critical, especially in comparison with what he said to her sisters, and most especially with no ability to also hear an explanation, or get a hug and an ďI love you, and Iím proud of the changes youíre making!Ē To do so would be beyond cruel.

    ETA: And, you say you know his intent was not to be malicious but to express his love and the concern that comes from his love. As a filmmaker, the truer route would be to make sure the film expressed his intent.


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    Last edited by 123LuckyMom; 1 Day Ago at 11:33 AM.

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