Assault at school

[JustMe]

This is a difficult post to write, and I worry I may be betraying my daughter by even writing it. However, I need the BBB wisdom and any practical advice you may have.

Some of you remember there was an incident with my daughter at swim earlier this school year. This has nothing to do with that.

My daughter was sexually assaulted by a boy at school. It was a boy she trusted, and he told her they would walk to meet some friends during lunch (on the school grounds, but passing some more isolated areas).

Dd disclosed to the school counselor several days later, who immediately had to notify school admin. The police were involved quickly. Dd told admin she wanted to be the one to tell me and she told me that night. Dd has agreed to be questioned by our local agency that questions kids in these situations (they do the questioning and a police officer is present).

Dd has a lot of support at school, and is hanging in there. One of the biggest issues is that I hate that this happened, but am equally fearful that more could happen. They have determined that this boy has done this to other girls. There are indicators that the boy was very calculated in what he did. He does not know there is an investigation happening yet, but he soon will. I just don't know how my dd can be safe within that process. I voiced this to the school counselor, who has worked on a more emotional safety plan with dd and has given dd the info about where the boy will be schedule-wise so she will not see him, but they do not want the boy to know there is an investigation happening until they need to. The counselor says they want dd to feel safe, dd should not have to be the one to change things once things are out in the open, etc However, I dont know that is realistic. I question if she can continue at that school, even though the ideal says she should not have to change. As for dd's feelings about this, she has a general feeling of fear, but I dont think she is at the point of knowing what she is scared about yet. She has said she is afraid of what will happen when he finds out that she told, but her mind is not focusing on that as much as other things/

I also really dont know what the process is and how to even give my daughter the info she needs to make informed choices. The questioning happens on Tuesday, but I dont know what will happen after that. The school is clear that they believe my daughter and we actually are familiar with/like the officer involved...but as I try to explain to my daughter, they have other agendas that go beyond her best interests...I called our local sexual assualt crisis line yesterday, and they recommended I contact our local crime victims office, which I will do..but just want to see if anyone else has any other advice.

We are taking care of the emotional support she needs. Thanks for any help.

[doberbrat]

I think I would insist that someone shadow the boy until the investigation is complete and then have him removed from school.

But mainly, I wanted to offer a thousand to you and your family.

[chlobo]

Yikes. I agree with the post above. He should definitely be watched.

And big hugs and prayers for you.

[icunurse]

I would definitely insist that someone must somewhat shadow the student, at least in the isolates areas, so that he can’t hurt another girl while the process is happening. And that the school must need t monitor those areas in the future so that something like this cannot happen again.

I would also let DD have a say in how things go. She has been through a trauma and is so young to have to understand and trust how “justice” works. Definitely get some therapy to help her process things at an age-appropriate level.

You are doing a great job and have raised a very brave daughter. She chose to speak out when others didn’t/couldn’t. From a total stranger....I’m proud of her. Hugs to both of you...

[squimp]

I am so sorry this happened. I agree that you are doing a great job and your child is so brave and strong to be able to talk with you. I wish none of our children had to go through this. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, and especially important that your daughter has some one to go to if she feels unsafe or nervous.

My only additional advice would be to make sure she does not talk to other kids about this or say anything on any type of social media right now. News travels so fast today, especially through the teen online/text community.

[AngB]

I am sorry your dd is going through this.

I am glad the school is taking it seriously BUT I also have some questions on how they so quickly have determined that he has done this before, I'm wondering if the other students he did this too they didn't believe, or what exactly. And why on earth he is still in school until Tuesday. I personally would be considering getting a lawyer myself and looking closely into the school's actions or lack thereof that may have played a role. The schools' priority right now is not necessarily disclosing how they have messed up (if they did.)

But I know we have some people here who hopefully have better advice/insight.

[HannaAddict]

As a former criminal defense lawyer, I’ve never heard of a school doing an investigation over several days and leaving the suspect in school, on the premises for that time. But our jurisdiction is at the forefront of sexual assault investigation and prosecution. I guess it must depend on what is alleged to have happened, but the keeping him in school vs suspended after a sexual assault allegation is very odd. In our area, there would not be days before the interview with a police officer present either. And the lag in interviewing is not a best practice. I would call the police and ask why this is taking so long and I would not send my daughter to school if the suspect was still attending. The less you talk about the incident the better too until after the interview. It just really sounds unlike any criminal investigation for sexual assault with a victim who is able to talk and explain what happened. I’m very sorry and strength to your daughter.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[PZMommy]

I’m so sorry for your daughter.

However something does not sound right that this other kid is still walking around on campus unaware of anything going on. He should have been removed from campus immediately and not allowed back until the investigation was done. The school should not be investigating, it should be the real police (vs school police). I would not be sending my child to school until this boy was removed from campus. I also would be contacting the police to see what is taking so long. I agree with a previous poster that I’d be contacting a lawyer. The school will not have your daughter’s best interest at heart. They will be covering their butt to avoid as much liability as possible.

[megs4413]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to offer hugs and prayers.

I think if I were in your shoes (especially at this point in the year), I would withdraw my child from school and focus on getting the care/support she needs at this time.

[jgenie]

I’m so sorry this happened to your daughter.

I too would be contacting your police department directly. If the school wants to do an investigation that’s fine but it should not be in place of the police investigation. I would keep your DD home if the assailant will be in school.