Assault at school

[TwinFoxes]

I'm so, so sorry.

I agree, this kid needs to be shadowed at a *minimum* to protect other female students. Why is the school investigating and not the police? They are going to regret that decision if it becomes public. There was a "hazing" incident (JV football players were sexually assaulted by older players) at a metro area high school. It came out that the cops weren't informed and it's been a huge deal. Schools ar not investigators.

I feel like your DD needs a victim's advocate. I would have no idea how best to help someone in this situation. Again, I'm so, so sorry.

[trcy]

I don't have a lot to offer but hugs to both of you.
Are the police investigating or just the school?
I'd probably lean towards keeping my DD home from school, if he is still there. I am shocked the school still has him there!

Sent from my Pixel 2 using Baby Bargains mobile app

[AngB]

When you mention that the police were involved quickly, I am under the assumption that this is the "real police" (even our elementary schools have school resource officers that are real police officers from our local police department. ) If it is something like the school security officers who are not actual police officers, absolutely I would be contacting the real police on my own and not waiting for the school to do it.

It does seem very very odd to me how long they are drawing it out if the real police are already actually involved, as already pointed out.

[urquie]

Agreeing with previous posters, the investigation sounds very strange. I would reach out directly to the police department.

I would also start documenting everything immediately. Every conversation you have with the school, anything your daughter has mentioned to you, times and dates for everything. I would also keep a paper trail with the school, doing things through email.

I would not send my daughter back to school if the boy was there. School wanting to do an investigation does not trump your daughters safety. He should not be back in school.

Sending P&PTs.

[smiles33]

I PM'ed you with more info, OP, but wanted to state here that my priority would be to make sure DD feels safe and NOT vulnerable/worried about accidentally running into this predator (YES, he is a predator if he's done this multiple times!). If the school is allowing him on campus, then I'd make a huge stink about keeping my DD home from school. Give her independent study or something (which sucks for teachers trying to pull it together on short notice) but I absolutely wouldn't want her to have to face this predator. They also should be suspending him pending the investigation, not letting him have free rein to future victims while they do background investigation!

I also encourage you to look into potential therapists in case DD wants additional support. It can be VERY difficult to find good child therapists to begin with, let alone pay for them. None of the ones covered by insurance were available so we had to pay out of pocket when my DD had a traumatic incident. I think it started at $400 or $500 for the initial visit.

Sending PT to you and your family. This is a difficult time but I hope you and your family get the support you need. As PP said, I am so proud of your DD--she is strong and brave and is speaking out for the victims who were too scared/traumatized/worried about being believed. I'm sure she is grateful to have a mama who immediately believed her and supported her throughout this traumatic situation.

[JustMe]

Thank you so much for the responses and support.

To clarify a couple of things, yes, the police were involved the day my daughter disclosed. They have a police officer who is assigned to the schools; he is an actual city police officer, employed by the police dept, not the schools. He spoke to my daughter with the school counselor present and that is when they decided to have her interviewed through the local place that handles these interviews with children with a police officer present. I am not sure how or why they decided to do that, but I know they are highly trained and respected. This was Thursday.

One interesting twist/issue is that my dd wants to go to school. I just spoke with her and she does not feel that afraid he will do something to her again. Unfortunately, I am not sure this is reality-based and probably due to some good work on the school counselor's part to help her feel emotionally safe and my daughter's lack of experience/knowledge about possible concerns. So, I really don't know what to do. I don't want to send her to school, but she wants to go...I don't know what the right thing to do is. I feel she may feel punished/traumatized if I keep her home, but I do not feel she is safe at school (while she seems to feel she is).

I also don't know if there 1-2 other girls who have had this happened. My daughter knows of one, as it was someone she has been friends with in the past (long story), but she believes there is another. I do not know which assault happened first and where my daughter's fits in.

FWIW, we have personal experience with the police officer, as well as knowledge as how he operates in the community. I have very comfortable with him and trust him. I feel the schools really dont' know how to handle the safety issue and I really dont know what to ask for.

As i said, the counselor part will be taken care of. I need help figuring out her rights and my rights (as she is 16 and this seems to mean they can talk directly to her when I am not there).

[bisous]

Oh gosh. I don't know what to say. That is just terrible! I'm so sorry. You guys are doing everything right.

How incredibly awful that this person is still at school! I guess I kept reading through everyone's responses and I kept wondering if having her go to school might not be the best for her--because otherwise it might be scarier if she waits. Of course if she isn't physically safe than that isn't a good option--I'm just thinking about the psychology of "getting back up on the horse" so to speak. I think I would defer to the experts here. If you've got a counselor who is trained on this, what is the input from the counselor? Maybe a victim's rights advocate would better know what options are available/what is best for the victim going forward? As much as you'd like to put the perpetrator away, I think your focus must be protecting your daughter. I feel like I'm over my depth on answering this question but I hope that maybe my rambling post will help you pose the right kinds of questions to your team? At her age, I think I would also defer to her wishes as much as I possibly could. Wow, I'm just sorry.

[KpbS]

I am so very sorry this has happened to your DD. It is absolutely unacceptable and terrible. Please don't send her to school until this guy isn't there.

[cvanbrunt]

I'm so sorry. I have zero faith in any school administration handling this kind of event. What about a sexual assault protection order? The school is going to cover their @ss and you really should deal the police directly.

[TwinFoxes]

I'm trying to figure out a way to say this...your daughter is still a kid. She may feel safe going to school, but she also trusted this boy. I really think you need to take charge as the adult and say she shouldn't be in the same vicinity as this boy. Schools cover their asses. The fact that they haven't told how or why the decision was made to keep him in school speaks volumes. Has she even seen anybody outside the school who has HER best interest at heart? I honestly wouldn't give a hoot about what the school said. I'd contact an attorney and someone to help her emotionally.