When School Asks Permission...

[anonomom]

When your kid's school sends home permission forms to show them movies, how carefully do you vet what they'll be seeing? Until literally today, I had been pretty chill about this; assuming that my kids' teachers are professionals who could be trusted to judge what's appropriate for their students. I'm now thinking that wasn't particularly responsible of me.

Our most recent permission form is for a film on 9/11 that DD (13) is supposed to watch in 7th grade social studies. (this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1gpJyFHETw) I know I'm still very sensitive about that day and I was curious about how it was going to be presented as history, so I decided to watch the video; still thinking I would allow DD to watch the film.

The film they're watching is the middle section of a three-part series shown on National Geographic in 2005. The first part (which they will not see) provides history and context for the attacks; the third part (again, that they will not see) apparently discusses Bin Laden and was updated to include his death. The middle, which they will watch, is a moment-by-moment account of the morning of 9/11, and it both shows and describes everything. They show video of both of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers, as well as the plane hitting the Pentagon (the latter accompanied by multiple computer simulations of how the plane disintegrated as it tore through the building). They show footage of people falling from the towers, accompanied by people describing what it sounded like when the bodies hit the ground. The show video of a man trying to climb down the tower, and freeze-frame it at the moment he falls. They have survivors describing, in graphic detail, people with their faces burned off and eyes burned from their skulls, asking for help. They play at least a dozen voicemails between doomed people trapped in the towers or other locations and their loved ones. They show each tower's collapse, with extended footage of people running, screaming, from the cloud of debris. They play footage of ground zero the next day, and explain that the chirping sounds drowning out all other noise in the footage are the locator beacons pinned to the equipment of hundreds of dead firefighters.

The movie is clearly meant for adults, and it is meant to sensationalize what I honestly thought was unsensationalizable. The timeline approach adds drama and horror, and by the middle of it I was shaking and crying. The permission ship mentions that the movie is being shown to give the kids an understanding of the day, But I really can't see any pedagogical value in showing them such graphic footage (especially when it's stripped of any kind of context and accompanied by some highly objectionable political content and a hefty dose of Islamophobia, but that's a whole different post).

Obviously, DD won't be getting my permission to watch this movie, but I find myself a little stunned that the school is showing it at all. I've always kind of thought that when a permission form is sent out, the assumption is that the media in question is broadly considered appropriate for the age group, but that the school is asking permission just in case there are some outlier kids who have extra-cautious parents. Have I been too sanguine all this time? Should I have been watching every movie about which a form was sent home? Is that the normal practice/expectation? How do you handle these situations?

(for the record, there's also every chance I am an outlier/extra cautious parent. In most instances, I think it's inappropriate and disrespectful to the dead to to show footage of them dying. I would have been dismayed, but accepting of them showing the planes crashing, but imo it is very wrong to show the people falling/jumping from the buildings, and absolutely grotesque for them to freeze-frame on the moment that a desperate man loses his fight to live).

[JustMe]

Good question and important things to consider.

I, too, was shocked at the kinds of things schools would show. However, I have kind of gotten to the point--for better or worse--where I generally let my kids watch what they show; unless my kids and I both agree its not something they should watch. I have found that the schools (at least ours) aren't doing a great job with an "alternative activity" and it ends up feeling like a punishment for my kids and they get super-curious about what their friends have seen leading them to access the internet find equally concerning things.

That being said, I think it would make perfect sense for you to say no to the video you describe. You mention you are surprised at the school's judgment (you said it in a nicer way). I used to feel that way and have come to realize that many schools really do not consider emotional/mental health issues into the way they are teaching and working with kids. That sounds harsh even as I write it, but it really has been my experience. In addition, as a mental health professional, I have been to numerous trainings that talk about the negative effect-particularly on children/teens--of watching videos of real-life traumatic events, so I agree with your concerns. I would suggest you talk with your dd about how she feels about not seeing the video, explain your reasons for not wanting her to see it, possibly provide her with an video/other material, so she can learn what is valuable to learn, and feel fine saying no if nothing surprising comes out in the conversation with your dd.

[Kindra178]

At age 10, I would have said no. At age 13 / seventh grade? This is a yes.

This NG piece details one of the worst days in our nation's history (maybe the worst?). This footage was on the tv every night, barely censored. The jumpers, the descriptions of the dying, the interviews with family members searching for loved ones.

I do think you are an outlier here.

To answer your question, I pay attention to the movies shown at school, but more as an FYI.

[bisous]

When your kid's school sends home permission forms to show them movies, how carefully do you vet what they'll be seeing? Until literally today, I had been pretty chill about this; assuming that my kids' teachers are professionals who could be trusted to judge what's appropriate for their students. I'm now thinking that wasn't particularly responsible of me.

Our most recent permission form is for a film on 9/11 that DD (13) is supposed to watch in 7th grade social studies. (this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1gpJyFHETw) I know I'm still very sensitive about that day and I was curious about how it was going to be presented as history, so I decided to watch the video; still thinking I would allow DD to watch the film.

The film they're watching is the middle section of a three-part series shown on National Geographic in 2005. The first part (which they will not see) provides history and context for the attacks; the third part (again, that they will not see) apparently discusses Bin Laden and was updated to include his death. The middle, which they will watch, is a moment-by-moment account of the morning of 9/11, and it both shows and describes everything. They show video of both of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers, as well as the plane hitting the Pentagon (the latter accompanied by multiple computer simulations of how the plane disintegrated as it tore through the building). They show footage of people falling from the towers, accompanied by people describing what it sounded like when the bodies hit the ground. The show video of a man trying to climb down the tower, and freeze-frame it at the moment he falls. They have survivors describing, in graphic detail, people with their faces burned off and eyes burned from their skulls, asking for help. They play at least a dozen voicemails between doomed people trapped in the towers or other locations and their loved ones. They show each tower's collapse, with extended footage of people running, screaming, from the cloud of debris. They play footage of ground zero the next day, and explain that the chirping sounds drowning out all other noise in the footage are the locator beacons pinned to the equipment of hundreds of dead firefighters.

The movie is clearly meant for adults, and it is meant to sensationalize what I honestly thought was unsensationalizable. The timeline approach adds drama and horror, and by the middle of it I was shaking and crying. The permission ship mentions that the movie is being shown to give the kids an understanding of the day, But I really can't see any pedagogical value in showing them such graphic footage (especially when it's stripped of any kind of context and accompanied by some highly objectionable political content and a hefty dose of Islamophobia, but that's a whole different post).

Obviously, DD won't be getting my permission to watch this movie, but I find myself a little stunned that the school is showing it at all. I've always kind of thought that when a permission form is sent out, the assumption is that the media in question is broadly considered appropriate for the age group, but that the school is asking permission just in case there are some outlier kids who have extra-cautious parents. Have I been too sanguine all this time? Should I have been watching every movie about which a form was sent home? Is that the normal practice/expectation? How do you handle these situations?

(for the record, there's also every chance I am an outlier/extra cautious parent. In most instances, I think it's inappropriate and disrespectful to the dead to to show footage of them dying. I would have been dismayed, but accepting of them showing the planes crashing, but imo it is very wrong to show the people falling/jumping from the buildings, and absolutely grotesque for them to freeze-frame on the moment that a desperate man loses his fight to live).

I think that sounds like a poorly selected film. Those Nat. geographic films are made to be sensational rather than informative. I’d opt out.

Generally i try to let my kids be open to the films shown at school but every so often I really don’t think good judgment is being demonstrated and then I’m grateful for notice and the ability to opt out.

[bisous]

At age 10, I would have said no. At age 13 / seventh grade? This is a yes.

This NG piece details one of the worst days in our nation's history (maybe the worst?). This footage was on the tv every night, barely censored. The jumpers, the descriptions of the dying, the interviews with family members searching for loved ones.

I do think you are an outlier here.

To answer your question, I pay attention to the movies shown at school, but more as an FYI.

I’m completely OK with discussing this issue with a 7th grader, even watching footage, but I do think junk films exist and would serve the students poorly.

[erosenst]

I'm probably an outlier the other direction - but I'd let them see it. The other kids will 100% be talking about it; I'd rather my child see the actual source material rather than the almost-definitely embellished version told to them.

I also let DD read 13 Reasons Why at 13 - her friends were doing the same, and it prompted some good conversation. Her friends were all reading that too. Ditto tv shows with questionable content.

[JBaxter]

By middle school I just sign it. My boys all have not been afraid to speak their minds if they think something isn't right or they disagree. Middle school is hard enough without having to be "that kid" who's mom won't let her watch the shows or movies for school. Elementary I actually check.

[newnana]

Sorry for the spin off commentary, but I'm surprised you got a permission form. We've never gotten one, even in elementary, and I'm often shocked at what DD says they watched. The only thing other than field trips where we've got a permission form was an opt out option for the entire sex ed curriculum. It was all or nothing. So kudos for the heads up?

Like a pp, I'd probably let DD watch it. While a poor choice, all her classmates will be seeing it, our school's only opt out option is in school suspension (whut?!), it will be significant conversation among her friends.... Are they testing on it? If there isn't a grade for it, might be a good day/time for an alternative activity. Need a physical for any summer camps that can be scheduled at that time? What are they doing with the kids that opt out or miss that day?

[petesgirl]

OP, from the way you felt watching it, I would probably opt my child out also. Although, those of us who lived through 9/11 may have triggers that appear when we watch/read about it that the younger generation doesn't have. So she might handle it better than you. I do agree though, that the gorey details of how people died don't need to be shown.
Could you watch parts or it at home with your child? Or find another documentary about it?
I would get your child out of school for the timeframe the show will be watched, if possible, to go to a Dr appt or even do something fun like a manicure or lunch out. Just so she doesn't feel like she is missing out.

My mom was super picky about movies shown at school and opted us out a lot--it didn't ruin my social life or my grades or anything. It was fine.

[Kindra178]

I’m completely OK with discussing this issue with a 7th grader, even watching footage, but I do think junk films exist and would serve the students poorly.

Are National Geographic films considered junk? I think it was nominated for an Emmy?