Please help me with post-funeral details

[ourbabygirl]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you hugs!

[sariana]

Just wanted to add my condolences. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad.

[jawilli4]

I'm sorry for your loss as well, especially around Father's Day.

My mom went through this about three years ago so I asked if she had any advice. Here it is although clearly YMMV:

She had a dedicated book to keep track of every task that she needed to do, important conversations, tips, etc. It was her brain and she was glad everything was in one place.

It is important to get a certified copy of their marriage license. She didn't say as much but my guess is that it would be helpful to have more than one copy. In her experience, she had to show this multiple times.

She recommended getting around 6 copies of the death certificate, especially if they have a lot of financial accounts.

It took my mom 1.5 months to get a phone appointment with Social Security. When she finally had it, they wanted her to put certified copies of her marriage license and my dad's death certificate in the mail. She felt uncomfortable doing this and ended up going to a regional office. She wished she had done this in the first place. She's had friends that forgo the phone appointment and just go to the regional office without an appointment. If you go this route, remember to bring the proper documentation. There is a kiosk to sign in.

Eventually she will get a $500 death benefit in the mail from Social Security.

She kept any credit cards that were issued to both my dad and mom so that it didn't mess with her credit.

She didn't notify the phone company as she feels more comfortable having his name on the phone listing.

In her experience, the funeral home called the Social Security office to notify them of my dad's death.

Good luck to both you and your mom.

[Mamma2004]

I have a document that includes all of your helpful comments and suggestions. My brain is not functioning as usual, so it helps greatly to have everything in writing. Please feel free to add further thoughts - we are only at the beginning of a lengthy process, and the loss is still so raw.

Heartfelt thanks to this most incredible community.

[Mamma2004]

OP again.

So, we should receive the death certificates tomorrow, enabling us to move forward. Social Security filed the report today, even without it, and contacted Medicare. We are calling doctors and other contacts.

Daddy left everything to my mom, and all was in both their names except for one checking account, just under $50K. She says the death certificate will suffice for transferring funds.

My issue is that although he left everything to her, I feel we need to DO something, file something, consult someone. My husband is an attorney and says we need to, but she is a beautiful, stubborn, grieving woman. I'm not sure how hard to push, but I really want to take care of *necessary* issues while I am here this week.

Any suggestions? Thank you again!

[NCGrandma]

OP again.

My issue is that although he left everything to her, I feel we need to DO something, file something, consult someone. My husband is an attorney and says we need to, but she is a beautiful, stubborn, grieving woman. I'm not sure how hard to push, but I really want to take care of *necessary* issues while I am here this week.

Any suggestions? Thank you again!

Like many other legal things, the specifics will vary by state and maybe even by location, but there is almost certainly something that needs to be filed etc. Depending on where she lives, you may be able to find out quite a bit online. If you’re lucky, the relevant state or local office may have a lot of info.

For example, here’s what the NC court system website offers — even if you’re in a very different part of the country, the definitions and how things are done here may give you some ideas about what to ask where she lives.
https://www.nccourts.gov/help-topics...states/estates

Can’t remember if you’ve mentioned whether they have an attorney. If so, s/he may be able to take the lead on dealing with the stuff that needs to be filed etc.


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[Globetrotter]

As a veteran I imagine he had benefits (I don’t know if he would have a pension) and I’m guessing a spousal health insurance benefit. Make sure you contact the VA, if you haven’t already.

It’s early and your mom may not feel up to it, but it’ll be harder to do certain things once you go home. One Challenge was that many businesses wouldn’t talk to me without my mom’s consent, and she was in a bad state mentally and couldn’t do anything on her own. .It’s easier to make phone calls now, while you’re with your mom, and make sure she officially gives you permission to speak on her behalf in the future, if needed. Or pretend to be her, if you must.

I’m sorry.. I know this is all overwhelming

[legaleagle]

It’s early and your mom may not feel up to it, but it’ll be harder to do certain things once you go home. One Challenge was that many businesses wouldn’t talk to me without my mom’s consent, and she was in a bad state mentally and couldn’t do anything on her own. .It’s easier to make phone calls now, while you’re with your mom, and make sure she officially gives you permission to speak on her behalf in the future, if needed. Or pretend to be her, if you must.

Do you have a valid & up to date power of attorney and health care power/health proxy for your mom? If these documents are even a few years old, many states have updated their power of attorney laws in the last few years. That doesn't invalidate an older document but it can make it more challenging to get accepted. Depending on how it's worded, if your father was the only primary agent you may want to have it redone anyway so you're not dealing with institutions who demand to see his death certificate to prove you're the acting PoA.

Do you have any siblings in the mix?

[RiverRat]

What about making sure you have access to any of his online accounts? I’m thinking like his email accounts, things of that nature. I have access to my parents accounts. If any online passwords needed to be rest down the line, you’d have access to be able to do that.


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