Dilemma for DH, WWYD?

[bisous]

Many people reach out to DH because he works at a very desirable company. DH usually tries to help and probably does at least 2 lunches a month looking at portfolios, helping people tour and sometimes introducing people. He’s always honest about their prospects and usually offers constructive criticism and advice.

Recently an old high school friend reached out to him. While DH does not feel that he has any potential in his group, he does have a skill set that could help the company. DH offered to do lunch with him.

So here’s the wrinkle—after setting up the lunch, the friend says “oh, and also my wife would like to come. Is that a problem?” It actually is a problem. The wife worked with DH as an intern and while she wasn’t terminated, she separated in bad circumstances—basically completely flipping out when not offered a job, crying to top executives etc. DH actually was asked to talk to her to calm her down, which he did. He critiques her portfolio and she just went off on him. She left the company and DH blocked her on FB. That was 9 years ago.

DH for his part, forgot that his friend and this woman, the old intern were married. Her presence at the lunch could be awkward for DHs coworkers (he works in a different group now but they share a cafeteria). And could be awkward too for DH! The friend sees all the stuff, the former intern must know she’s blocked!

So what does DH do at this point? Tell his friend his wife can’t come?

WWYD? I think if the former intern was a bit less reactive DH could probably be more honest, but her reaction was so out of place that DH is cautious to engage with her. Would love your thoughts!

[sariana]

Wife was not invited. Your DH should say no. No explanation needed, really.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

That is so weird. I would just say no the wife cannot come. Sounds like disaster waiting to happen. Honestly I’d be wary of doing the lunch at all - sounds like the wife alone is a lot of baggage. I would not want to touch that with a ten-foot pole.

[basil]

How weird that she wants to come!

That said, 9 years ago is a long time. I can think of a lot of people I had interaction with 9 years ago that I didn’t enjoy. And I could easily have a professional lunch with them without bringing up the past.

I think a small part of me would be a little curious what she would do in such a situation. Start talking about her internship 9 years ago? I mean she must be doing something else now!

[truly scrumptious]

How about DH saying something like - “Actually I was really hoping to catch up with you this time. Maybe we can plan another time for all of us, but this time let’s keep it to you and me, ok?”

He can match the casual “oh by the way” tone that the friend used to spring it on him and still hold firm.

[MMMommy]

I would say sorry, but no wife at the lunch. Not even sure why she would even think to be included if this isn't about her or job prospects for her.

[gamma]

“The position that I had in mind for you was just filled. I’ll reach out to you when we have another opening.” I wouldn’t get involved with either one of them. I have a feeling that they are both looking for positions.

[DualvansMommy]

So DH gets asked to bring in names people reach out to him as his industry is quite competitive. He’s picky due to a previous bad experience with a potential prospect.

This sets off red flags to me. If your DH is comfortable with that particular friend, I would hold firm and reply the lunch is just for him. And if he continues to persist, then that is your DH’s clue to steer well away from the couple.


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[trcy]

“The position that I had in mind for you was just filled. I’ll reach out to you when we have another opening.” I wouldn’t get involved with either one of them. I have a feeling that they are both looking for positions.

Yes to this! I wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole!

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[bisous]

Agree with everyone who is wary about the way this went down. If the friend is employed there the wife will visit and I’m sure she wants to get back in,

Ill share the wisdom with DH. I think he could probably get away with keeping the (solo) lunch and not going beyond that... I’ll see if he can also just cancel altogether. He might want to do that too.

I also feel a little bit bad about the 9 years. That’s a long time and DH knows she’s since married and had a baby and that changes a person. But I feel like DH needs to be cautious about what he brings in for the sake of his own reputation, as cutthroat as that sounds. Also, the last minute inclusion of the wife tacked on makes me leery that there might not have been a lot of transformation.