Helping a socially awkward middle schooler?

[smilequeen]

This is self-proclaimed fwiw. DS2 is going to a new school for 7th grade. It’s the same school that DS1 goes to, but they are VERY different kids. He has a great group of friends from elementary school but they are scattered and none are going to his school. He has a buddy from hockey that will be in his class and they both seem excited about that for now. However, DS1 was in the same position and ultimately his friends are all new people that he didn’t know before.

He says it’s hard to make new friends because he is introverted and socially awkward (100% his words). He says his group was so great because they’ve been friends since preschool and according to him, it was “easier then”.

I asked if he wanted help and he said yes...so I want to help him.

Obviously he’s very self aware, he’s bright but he has ADHD (Innattentive so he’s a little spacy but not at all hyper), he plays rec hockey but is otherwise not that into sports. He likes things like anime, art, collecting action figures, reading comic books, playing video games, making movies, etc. he just started fencing lessons. So he’s more of the nerdy type. So he is exactly like DH and I at that age, and I know it will be fine in the end...but any resources or ideas to help him now?

[SnuggleBuggles]

It really just took time. Middle school was a non issue because he went to a k-8 school but he started high school not knowing anyone. He is nice so people like him and include him but I’m not sure he really talked to anyone freshman year. He’s been getting better all the time and junior year was just an explosion of confidence and socializing. He found his people. He still says he has some social anxiety and I can see that on occasion still. But, time, making new friends and taking on leadership roles have all been awesome. Just finding himself though has been the biggest.


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[doberbrat]

Having him join after school clubs or activities is helpful. volunteering to drive kids who need a ride.

[ahisma]

Having him join after school clubs or activities is helpful. volunteering to drive kids who need a ride.

Yes, this. He sounds like my DS. He met some great friends in math class, robotics club, and science olympiad. He fences too, which is great - fencing attracts a lot of wonderfully quirky kids.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Having him join after school clubs or activities is helpful. volunteering to drive kids who need a ride.

For sure! Ds did all of those things as well. I got one of those, "you were right, mom" moments between freshman and sophomore year when he joined marching band. We had suggested it the year before so he could meet people before freshman year but he declined. He did do swim team, stage crew and many shorter term teams and clubs that year just nothing in the fall or over the summer.

[123LuckyMom]

I agree! The clubs and activities will be how he meets like-minded kids. Let him know, too, that ALL the kids are worried and hoping to find friends, even the ones who seem super confident. Tell him to make sure he actually learns people’s names and introduces himself. I’ve been shocked at how many activities my kids have been in where the adults don’t take the time to make sure they all know each other’s names! Then once he thinks he’s found a potential friend by interacting with them in the activity, the trick to moving an acquaintance-ship into a friendship is seeing the person you meet in the activity outside of that activity so the friendship isn’t location specific. (This is true for friendship forming at any age.) If he’s willing to make the first overture towards inviting a potential friend to meet up outside of school or sports, it’ll help a lot.


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[vonfirmath]

This is self-proclaimed fwiw. DS2 is going to a new school for 7th grade. It’s the same school that DS1 goes to, but they are VERY different kids. He has a great group of friends from elementary school but they are scattered and none are going to his school. He has a buddy from hockey that will be in his class and they both seem excited about that for now. However, DS1 was in the same position and ultimately his friends are all new people that he didn’t know before.

He says it’s hard to make new friends because he is introverted and socially awkward (100% his words). He says his group was so great because they’ve been friends since preschool and according to him, it was “easier then”.

I asked if he wanted help and he said yes...so I want to help him.

Obviously he’s very self aware, he’s bright but he has ADHD (Innattentive so he’s a little spacy but not at all hyper), he plays rec hockey but is otherwise not that into sports. He likes things like anime, art, collecting action figures, reading comic books, playing video games, making movies, etc. he just started fencing lessons. So he’s more of the nerdy type. So he is exactly like DH and I at that age, and I know it will be fine in the end...but any resources or ideas to help him now?

He sounds like my son in so many ways (all the way down to ADD). (Who is also going into 7th grade). Friends this year was hard, even having kids at the school he'd gone to elementary school with. But he did find a couple of friends by the end of the year -- at least casual friends he could spend lunch with (not get together over the summer friends). And he said he improved relationships with a couple of other kids where they used to be enemies to they didn't bug each other. It took some learning to keep his mouth shut and not say the first thing that came to mind. To recognize and refuse to react when they tried to get under his skin and so he became boring to pick on.

[KpbS]

I would say make the extra effort to invite a small group of friends over a couple of times this summer and at the beginning of the school year. Serve some fun snacks and let the boys play games, tinker around, etc.