You are so right, OP, to recognize that you need to stop projecting your feelings or opinions into your DD! She handled herself perfectly, and it worked out as it should. She knows the dynamics in her peer group better than you do, and you’re right to realize it’s important for you to trust her instincts and resulting behavior. You want her to recognize that not everyone will want to be her friend, and that that’s okay. People are allowed not to like her, and she’s allowed not to like others. In neither instance is that something that needs to be overcome or corrected, and in neither instance does that mean that there’s anything wrong with the unliked person. Liking is simply a matter of taste, and not everyone likes every food, or every movie, or every person, and sometimes there are periods of time when that item is a favorite and other times when they’re the opposite. It doesn’t mean others won’t like them or that they are unlikable or that the disfavor is permanent. The last thing you would want to do, OP, is suggest to your daughter that the reason these other girls are not her BFFs is because of something she is or isn’t doing right. That shifts the message from “It’s okay if you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Look for the people who appreciate you” to “If only you would be friendlier or different than you are and overcome your instincts and try to convince them otherwise, those girls would be your friends.” Of course, I’m exaggerating, but it’s always better not to reinforce the idea that if people don’t like you, you’re the problem. Sometimes that may be true if your behavior is unkind, but most of the time, it’s not. It’s just a matter of taste. Your daughter had good instincts, and the situation resolved in the best possible way. Keep trusting her to know how to navigate her social world. She’s got this!
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