DD and I are currently using Trader Joe's deep conditioner - I used it on our recent "spa night," letting it sit on my hair (which I then wrapped in plastic wrap, much to DD's amusement) for half an hour or so before rinsing and DD tolerated for about 8 minutes the other night after being told her hair was crunchy.
Other than that, I used to put DD's hair into a layered ponytail in order to get it into her cap. As she had a holy horror of her blonde hair turning green in chlorinated water, this happened with a minimum of fighting & tears, but I'm a former team swimmer (nothing big, just summers) so I have A LOT of experience getting a cap on!
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Liz
DD (3/2010)
"Make mistakes! Get messy!" - Miss Frizzle