Family.. ugh!!

[niccig]

We have a trip planned soon to see my parents. I did not share dates with my sister, as last visit we overlapped was very very bad. She and my mum fight, it’s vicious! She just called and she’s arriving 2 days before we get there and leaves about 2 days after us. True to form, she has not told my parents she is visiting, because why would you first check if those dates work for them (insert sarcasm). The last minute notice will not go over well.

DS will be upset as the fighting last time ruined the trip (his birthday was then and they fought over how to make his cake. I’ve explained to him it wasn’t the cake but other issues) and ever since, he has had difficulties being around my sister. I don’t blame him. My mum is equally to blame for the fighting, she’s a difficult person. They’re both difficult people

This time we’re renting a car so we can leave whenever we want. We are going to spend 2-3 days away just the 3 of us. Actually, I wasn’t sure we were going to go away as it’s less time with my dad, but now we definitely are.

Wine
Chocolate
Leave the house
Not my circus, not my monkeys
Don’t engage them when they’re fighting
Don’t let either of them vent to me about the other

What else can I do?

Ugh, I was anxious enough as DH is coming this trip.The easiest visits are when it’s just DS and me, we go along with my parents schedule and just hang out. DH gets antsy if we’re not doing/going somewhere, which I understand as I feel the same at his parents’ house. It’s not a relaxing vacation for either of usvisiting the ILs. Now, my sister’s and mum’s issues are thrown into the mix!!


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[Philly Mom]

The worst. Can you stay in a hotel? I would just plan on doing something different every day and maybe take your dad with you.


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[niccig]

The worst. Can you stay in a hotel? I would just plan on doing something different every day and maybe take your dad with you.


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It’s a 2 week visit, we can’t afford a hotel for the entire time. Plus, we’re going to spend time with my parents. I only see them once a year. I’ll definitely take dad with us if they start fighting. Their little town has great coffee shops and gelato.

We were going to go do some day trips, but my sister will want to go on those with us, so she can getaway from my mother. But I’ll want to get away from her too!! DH said she’s not coming with us for the 2 nights we’re away, I said no way, that’s our time.

My boundaries are: This has nothing to do with me. I am not getting involved (difficult for me as I’m the middle child), I don’t want to hear it. I am leaving the house. I am here to enjoy being home

DS has this saying, “That’s a you problem, and not a me problem”. I’ll be repeating it to myself as a mantra


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[PZMommy]

Ugh! That is awful!!! I hope you can still enjoy your vacation!!

[StantonHyde]

I would draw boundaries with your sister for day trips and tell her you need the time away as a family. She needs to rent a car so she can leave when she wants. She does not get to automatically glom onto your vacation. I would just say that you want family time. And if you bring your dad its because you want DS to know your dad. If sister wants to be there so DS can know her--she can catch you when you are both in the states. Or you can say that DS isn't comfortable around her because she fights with your mum all the time. I would lay that one out there. You understand she needs time away for herself--therefore she should rent a car and go somewhere by herself.

Why does your sister visit? To see your dad? Maybe she can leave for a little bit in the middle there, too. I can't imagine this is all that much fun for your parents either.

I'm sorry. There is no good answer here. Hugs.

[niccig]

I would draw boundaries with your sister for day trips and tell her you need the time away as a family. She needs to rent a car so she can leave when she wants. She does not get to automatically glom onto your vacation. I would just say that you want family time. And if you bring your dad its because you want DS to know your dad. If sister wants to be there so DS can know her--she can catch you when you are both in the states. Or you can say that DS isn't comfortable around her because she fights with your mum all the time. I would lay that one out there. You understand she needs time away for herself--therefore she should rent a car and go somewhere by herself.

Why does your sister visit? To see your dad? Maybe she can leave for a little bit in the middle there, too. I can't imagine this is all that much fun for your parents either.

I'm sorry. There is no good answer here. Hugs.

Yes, I’m going to have to draw boundaries. The issue is she has no immediate family, she wants family, but the rose-colored glasses version that doesn’t exist. She gets annoyed when reality doesn’t match her imaginations. She still sees my parents house as her home and she misses living in Australia. She plans to move back in next 3-5 years. I’m sure the visits aren’t pleasant for my parents. My dad has Parkinson’s, and I’ll get him out of the house if they fight, as he can’t do much to stop it. Apparently, mum and her are getting along better when they talk on the phone... so maybe it’ll be better than I anticipate.


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[StantonHyde]

Can you change the date of your trip? I honestly would pay up to a thousand dollars to change plane tix if it meant going at a different time and not over lapping.

[squimp]

Can you change the date of your trip? I honestly would pay up to a thousand dollars to change plane tix if it meant going at a different time and not over lapping.

Yes I agree - or may even take that first day and go somewhere else and stay somewhere else to avoid overlap. That sounds really awful.

[AngB]

Can you change the date of your trip? I honestly would pay up to a thousand dollars to change plane tix if it meant going at a different time and not over lapping.

Agreed!!!!

[niccig]

Can you change the date of your trip? I honestly would pay up to a thousand dollars to change plane tix if it meant going at a different time and not over lapping.

No because we get back just before school starts for us. I would if I could!!

We were all going to be together at some point, so may as well put boundaries in place now


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