Long hair care - tween girls

[twowhat?]

If you have a girl (or boy) with long hair, at what age should you be able to reasonably expect them to actually take good care of their hair?

Mine are almost 11 and they take terrible care of their long hair. We are constantly nagging them to brush it in the morning, and to scrub their scalp well in the shower. It doesn't help that they have asian hair/scalp and are getting to that age where they really need to wash the scalp well to keep the oil/smell at bay and they need to use some d@mn conditioner on the ends. If they had curly hair I'd probably continue to help them for a little longer, but they have SUPER easy straight smooth soft hair.

I'm sick of nagging at them and DH is even sicker of it and wishes we could just cut off all their hair. I would honestly love to say something like "if you can't take good care of your hair on your own, we will get it cut to shoulder length." But something tells me that's not entirely a good move either. Right now their hair goes to just below the shoulder blades so it's not even THAT long, and they want to keep growing it. The other thing that bugs me is that they will not smooth their hair out of the way when they eat! DD1 is especially bad and her hair goes into her food all the time. No one ever puts in a ponytail unless I make them.

Help!

[lizzywednesday]

If you have a girl (or boy) with long hair, at what age should you be able to reasonably expect them to actually take good care of their hair?

Mine are almost 11 and they take terrible care of their long hair. We are constantly nagging them to brush it in the morning, and to scrub their scalp well in the shower. It doesn't help that they have asian hair/scalp and are getting to that age where they really need to wash the scalp well to keep the oil/smell at bay and they need to use some d@mn conditioner on the ends. If they had curly hair I'd probably continue to help them for a little longer, but they have SUPER easy straight smooth soft hair.

I'm sick of nagging at them and DH is even sicker of it and wishes we could just cut off all their hair. I would honestly love to say something like "if you can't take good care of your hair on your own, we will get it cut to shoulder length." But something tells me that's not entirely a good move either. Right now their hair goes to just below the shoulder blades so it's not even THAT long, and they want to keep growing it. The other thing that bugs me is that they will not smooth their hair out of the way when they eat! DD1 is especially bad and her hair goes into her food all the time. No one ever puts in a ponytail unless I make them.

Help!

I'm still working on the hair maintenance with mine (probably messing things up, but matted tangles in her thick, wavy hair is a major pet peeve for me, so we have provisions about brushing and putting it up in our verbal agreement) but she has been doing a mostly OK job, with some major pain points, especially regarding the right-hand side of her head and the bottom layer of hair.

As for the scalp ... would either of them use a silicone shampoo/scalp brush? (ISTR at least one of your girls had sensory issues when she was younger and I do not recall if you've mentioned her outgrowing them.)

[infocrazy]

Following...everything you have said could be my daughter...

[hbridge]

DD has very thick, very straight hair. For years it was half way down her back and she always wore it in a pony tail. However, it was NEVER clean, had mats that I was often cutting out... She couldn't/wouldn't even brush it herself. She has severe sensory issues and all the nagging in the world did not help. A couple of years ago she decided to give herself bangs... Then she decided to go short. She made the decision to go short on the way to a haircut so not much time to think about it and it is professionally done (thankfully, since the bangs were NOT); it's cute, it's fairly easy, she likes it. Washing is still an issue, but I can give it a quick shampoo once a week and it is fine. SO MUCH EASIER!

That being said, it broke my heart when she created bangs and also a little bit when she went short. However, she loves it!

Good luck!

[gatorsmom]

My b/g twins are 11yo. DH takes DS to get his haircut short with his other 2 brothers every 5-6 weeks. He’s ok with it short but I have to make deals with him to get him to shower. Well, until this summer. Now he’s willing to take a shower as long as I let him use our master bath and let him luxuriate in it for a long time. I’m just glad it’s not a fight anymore to get him to regularly shower. Now he just needs reminders.

Dd has long hair and dandruff from psoriasis so she has to use Neutragena Tgel shampoo at least twice a week. Otherwise I let her pick out some nice shampoo and conditioner from my salon so she enjoys showering more now. She also insists on using the master bathroom. She combs out her wet hair and is getting better at styling it. Friends at her ballet school have taught her to put in a loose bun and she’s able to braid it on her own. She almost always keeps it pulled back in a bun, braid or ponytail. She doesn’t like the hair in her face.

[scrooks]

You just described my 12 year old DD. She cries when I tell her to wash it....following...sigh

[georgiegirl]

My DD is 13 and she’s been caring for her hair by herself for years. She has long straight-ish hair (she’s started to get a bit of a wave during puberty). I think your expectations are totally reasonable. However, DD is on swim team, so she shampoos her hair after practice, so I never have to bug her about it.


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[Tenasparkl]

My tween daughter has long hair that's VERY easily tangled and the best thing for her has been a wide tooth comb to use in the shower. She uses lots of conditioner and combs through her hair. We also have been trying to be better about getting her regular trims to keep the ends from being so easily tangled.

[Snow mom]

My ten year old has hair long enough that she can sit on it. It's fine and tangles easily. Our deal is I take care of her hair mainly and I'm okay with that as long as she doesn't complain. She used to be the worst about whining and crying when I brushed her hair. She does now wash it and condition it on her own. She's started trying to brush it in the shower while it has conditioner in it. My DH started telling the kids "if you don't want to brush your hair you can cut it off" when my DS was little and had long hair as well. DS ended up deciding to cut his hair I think partially because of the brushing. It kind of broke my heart so DH isn't allowed to say that anymore.

[Globetrotter]

I get it.. it’s hard to know if they are scrubbing well. There are scalp brushes to help with the scrubbing!

Get them to Use a wide tooth comb or wet brush to detangle in the shower ONLY when it’s soaked in conditioner. Then the tangles should come out. They can braid it at night, ideally after washing it, to prevent further tangles. Dd (who is in college now!) twists hers into a bun at night, but when she was 11, she needed my help to braid it. I think by high school she was self sufficient.